So My First Two-Wife Love

Inner tormented

...Gibran POVs...

.............

I counted one by one the mistakes I had made to him, but they could no longer count because there were too many.

Because all my life, I've only hurt her...

Jasmine...

I hugged a picture of my graduation taking pictures with him, with my Jasmine.

She smiled cheerfully, a smile that had never been seen since I broke her heart.

I cried, I couldn't stop crying until I had to curl up on the cold floor, in my dark room, holding back the pain in my chest that seemed to be taking my life so soon that I had to hold tightly to your picture, making sure that even if I died, I was still the same, this feeling was still the same.

It never changes, Jasmine...

I made mistakes in the past, but I just love you, I always love you....

"Jasmine sorry... Sorry-"

I don't know how to live without you anymore?

How am I supposed to live without you, Jasmine?

If you were my life...

If you were everything to me...

Why do I realize now that I've only been hurting you all this time?

If I deserve all this pain even if you hate me all your life...

As long as you can be happy again,

As long as you can smile back like you used to,

I am willing that even if I have to be swallowed by this pain and pain, I am willing.

So Jasmine, my dear...

You should come back happy.

...----------------...

...Jasmine POV's...

......................

The rainy season never felt good to me because my heart was broken again when this season came.

I still remember as vividly as it was yesterday when Gibran said he might love Ruby, and now I'm sitting here again, alone when Gibran finally gave up.

If from the beginning I was the owner of your heart why did you choose it, Gibran?

If from the beginning your closeness was a charade then why were you standing by Ruby's side when I was angry with her?

Wh why?

Why wasn't it me you embraced back then when I was the most broken?

I'm devastated to see you just staring at me clutching that wound alone.

You told me he was a victim like me, not Gibran... I was the one who suffered the most from the beginning.

Ruby might have stolen your heart before we both managed to express feelings for each other and it makes me feel even more hurt now.

The wasted time could not be repeated, now I could only try to pick up one by one the broken hopes all along, hoping that I could still endure the pain of losing you once again.

If I could I would throw my heart out,

If I could just forget you, then,

If could...

If only I could...

Why is it so hard to let go of you?

Gibran, why did you take my heart completely?

Even with all the pain you've given me, I still love you...

How do I get on with this life?

Without you once again...

...----------------...

Cloudy clouds blew a strong wind against my body which was still faithfully sitting alone on the bench behind my grandmother's house.

Aurora was sleeping after she got tired of playing, though she would suddenly cry like she was looking for someone.

It seems like not only I miss Gibran but also Aurora.

I sighed because it was heavy but this was the best for both of us even though my heart was broken to such an extent.

"Jasmine..."

I turned my head when my grandmother came to me and I quickly wiped my tears and smiled at her, acting like I was fine.

"Rora's still asleep, why don't you take a break, Jasmine?" ask my grandmother gently.

"I'm not sleepy, grandma," I replied lying because everyone would know if my eye bags had blackened because I was sleep deprived.

I always cry most of the night and finally fall asleep when the morning has begun to come and after that Rora is always awake until I also wake up.

My grandmother didn't say anything more after that but she clasped my hand so tightly and occasionally defended me warmly.

He let me lean on his old shoulder.

"Mr,"

"Yes son?"

"My decision wasn't wrong, was it?"

"What did you say?"

"I miss Gibran, but the pain is growing..."

"May time heal everything..."

"What if time couldn't make me stop loving her, would I still be able to heal?"

"..."

...----------------...

The first trial of my divorce and Gibran's finally began, for the first time, I met him again.

Our eyes looked at each other but we couldn't say hello.

And it made me feel suffocated.

Gibran's father sat with me, he became my lawyer while Gibran was not accompanied by anyone.

We got married in a hurry, chased after the rest of Ruby's life and now time feels so fast passing.

The trial has begun and the judge has decided to mediate until the divorce is delayed because of both Gibran and I, the two of us just cried without being able to say anything in the trial so the judge said there was still a possibility to stay together.

The hope they mentioned I could not find, I found nothing but pain as we sat together in the same room during the mediation process.

Gibran was alone and Gibran's father, who was my legal representative, chose to leave both of us.

I saw Gibran getting thinner, he lost the light in him.

Did anyone break up with me?

Gibran wiped his tears quickly as he kept his head down without looking at me and then he smiled at me.

"How are you?" gibran asked in a voice that sounded vibrating.

"How are you?" ignoring her question, I asked her.

"I'm..." His voice faltered, he bit his lower lip and threw his gaze away with tears held in his eye sockets.

"I miss you, Jasmine." she said after that she could no longer hold back her tears. He was crying while lowering his head.

"Me too." I said quietly which immediately made him lift his eyes and look back at me.

"I miss you, Gibran." continued me and Gibran immediately got up and pulled me into his arms.

"Jasmine, I can't live without you... I can't live without you and Rora, sorry ... Sorry Jasmine-"

How painful his heart was, how tormented his mind was. I returned his embrace tightly and cried sobbing with him.

"Gibran sorry, I can't... I can't, Gibran!"

Gibran's cry grew more and more bitter as I pushed him down, then slowly he let go of his embrace, his breath looking heavy. He really tortured me by being like this until I chose to leave him alone.

"Mom..." I called Gibran's father who had been waiting outside and he came straight to me and then he hugged me when I started crying again.

"Bah, please tell Gibran to continue his life, tell him not to. That's not what I mean, it's not like this... I can't squirm him like this, I can't reward..."

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