So My First Two-Wife Love

Wearied

The night was heavier, heavier than the night before. I thought the pain might be a little less because I cried all night but even days have passed, I'm still not okay.

I felt lost, lost by this pain and unable to find a way out.

I'm stuck...

I found no way to release this piercing pain in my chest so forcefully.

"Jasmine..."

I keep going without caring about the call, I just don't want to get hurt more and more.

"Jasmine!" Gibran appeared before me after successfully overtaking my steps.

"Where's Loe going?" ask Gibran while holding both shoulders. He looked at me with a worried look, from his appearance he was seen running in the morning using only a black t-shirt that matches the Jogger pants and a white sweater, he looked handsome but his good looks did not lessen my sadness at all.

Precisely... Seeing her made my chest even more tight.

"School." I replied as I removed his hand from my shoulder and then resumed my steps through it.

"It's Sunday and it's five in the morning!" Gibran again followed my steps and stopped me once more.

"Loe got mad because I was yesterday when Ruby came home?" gibran asked as he held both hands, he looked at me with a slightly annoyed look, "don't be so dong, Jasmine. You're the one who doesn't want to go home!"

"My life doesn't always revolve around elo, Gibran." I said, letting go of Gibran's hand and leaving him, Gibran was surprised to hear my words but Gibran did not give up, he continued to pursue me.

"Why are you so? Like depressed people know you don't?!"

My footsteps finally came to a halt, her words were too painful and I was too tired to explain everything to her. I don't want to add to the pain in my heart that can no longer contain it.

I said nothing but to look at Gibran. Even now I can no longer cry even though my heart is sad.

Staring at him, I kept staring at him until he let me go and I resumed my steps that actually did not know where I was going. I just wanted to move on, hoping that the pain in my heart would be left behind in every trace of mine.

"Gue no longer understands how to deal with elo, Jasmine!" gibran yelled in frustration but I ignored him.

"Jasmine sorry!" Gibran pulled my wrist this time he took me straight into his arms. "I'm sorry... I should have anter loe home yesterday."

Always so, you became a person who cared about me as if I could lean on you at any time but you could also ignore me in an instant.

I was so scared, being around you scared Gibran.

I let go, a hug that always made me forget my sadness but not this time because it seemed like his embrace was just a sedative that got me addicted but could also hurt me even worse. Unfortunately it's too late to realize it now...

"Jasmine..." Gibran's voice was soft but I left.

I stepped down the path, past the wet rain-soaked road last night and saw the umbrella my father used to shade me last night still in the same place.

Imagine my father standing in the rain crying over me, but he even left me for a dozen years. Is that love still there? Or does he just feel guilty about me?

My footsteps continued to take me far, I vaguely heard the sound of footsteps following me but I was reluctant to turn my head.

I don't want to see his face, I don't want to show Gibran my destruction but Gibran keeps following me. He followed my lead without saying anything, even when I crossed the street and sat at the bus stop, he followed me. Faithfully sitting right next to me even though the distance between us was quite far. He acted as if he would continue to be by my side and accompany me without ever turning away.

My heart is getting hurt by it...

The first bus came and I got on the bus even though I didn't know where I was going and Gibran was still following me.

He looked at me for a moment when our eyes accidentally met when he had just entered and I was the only person on the bus but Gibran did not sit next to me this time, he sat in the third row on the right side while I sat in the back row.

This quiet atmosphere still could not bring me peace of mind so I got off at the next bus stop and Gibran went right down to follow me.

"Loe's not tired?" ask Gibran who's still following me from behind.

"Let's go home tired." ask Gibran.

I am tired, but not my body but my soul, my mentality... I am so tired of this life. Facing those of you who gave me false hope...

After quite a long walk, my footsteps finally stopped at the cemetery. To be honest I felt hesitant about entering this cemetery complex, I did not understand why my directionless steps stopped here instead.

I stood in front of the florist who had just opened, but I said nothing until the seller looked confused.

"The lily's one tie sir."

I only glanced thinly when Gibran ordered the flowers I used to buy while visiting my mother's grave. The florist then gave me a bunch of fresh Lily flowers and without waiting for Gibran to pay, I stepped into the cemetery and Gibran followed behind me.

I looked at my mother's grave and looked at it for a while. The figure that was never present in my life but I always missed it it was just that the longing I felt for my mother was different from the longing I felt for my father.

"Mah..." I lowered my head and started crying, I wanted to spill all my pain in this place but no matter how many tears were shed, the pain did not decrease.

"Sorry, I made Jasmine cry. Please bring all the sadness Jasmine feels. I miss the chatty Jasmine." Gibran said as he placed a bunch of white roses in front of the tombstone of my mother's grave.

Gibran then grabbed me, he held my trembling body so I could put a bunch of Lily flowers in my hand onto his tombstone without falling over.

"Mama..." My cry grew as my body moved to embrace my mother's tombstone, which felt cold and wet. "Mah.." call me one more time.

I'm really tired...

I am tired of all this pain...

"Mama..."

Gibran slowly crouched down, he rubbed my back and calmed me down even though I kept crying and just crying.

***