
"You can get sick playing in the rain..."
My tears immediately fell, I slowly got up and looked at that face. The face of someone I was just thinking about.
"Who?" My heart was crying bitterly when I asked him that. To someone I've missed all my life. The man who left me.
To my father...
"Jasmine, father..."
I brushed it off, that cold, wet hand. I could not let him touch me and make me instantly forgive all his mistakes that have left me all this time.
He pretended he didn't know me yesterday...
He who is in front of me seems to miss me so much...
He appeared with a tired face that made me want to pity him as if all the burdens and pains in this world were supported by him.
But wasn't I the victim? I am the one he left without mercy he forgot.
I'm the one who suffered... I ...
"Sorry, new dad can come... I was too embarrassed to meet you all this time and once you recognized me yesterday, this longing could no longer be fixed."
I laugh, like a crazy girl I laugh but I cry too. I brushed off her umbrella still trying to protect me from the torrent of rain.
The tightness in my chest as if it was going to kill me, I couldn't breathe!
"Jasmine..." My father approached, he tried to touch me but I stepped back. His presence was too sudden. I'm really not ready.
Either I have to be angry or happy, but my heart hurts. The thing I had been waiting for for a long time and today finally arrived as well. The day my father came back to see me but all I feel now is the pain that broke my heart that was not whole from the beginning, because of it...
"I don't have a father, sorry sir... You got the wrong guy!"
Just running away I can do. My stomach hurts but I keep running. I feel dying because not only my body is in pain but my heart is as well.
Why has nothing good happened to my life? Why do I just keep meeting on the pain?
I came home soaked and crying. My grandmother who was compiling her merchandise cake was immediately surprised to see me open the door with a staggered body.
"Oh my God, Jasmine!! Why are you, son?" My grandmother immediately ran up to me, she was holding my body that could not stand up straight because it was too shocked.
"Mr..."
"Why son? What the hell's going on? Same story grandma, something bothers you? Are you fighting the same Gibran?"
I didn't have the strength to even open my eyes but I vaguely heard my grandmother screaming.
...
I felt someone grasping my hand so tightly as I slowly opened my two eyes.
"Jasmine, son..." My grandmother's soft voice immediately greeted me. Slowly my vision began to become clear.
I saw a worried face on my grandmother's face that looked tired. I never realized that my grandmother was getting older.
What happens if I lose it too? I came back crying. That fear ate me.
"Grandmother.." very tightly I hugged my grandmother's body and cried sobbing. "Don't stay with me, Grandma, don't stay with me either..."
"Grandma's not going anywhere, grandma promises to stay with you until you're happy."
"I don't want to be alone..."
"You won't be alone." Gibran's mother's voice dawned on me if I wasn't alone with my grandmother in this room.
My grandmother slowly let go of her embrace, then mama Gibran stepped closer, she sat on the edge of my bed and gently stroked my hair. "What happened, baby?" mama asked Gibran softly but I did not answer her and just kept crying.
"Somebody's bothering you on the street, telling me you'd be the same, let's beat that guy up!" Now that Papa Gibran said, he stood at the door with a worried face mixed with anger.
Their attention filled my heart even though there was no Gibran here.
"Do not be afraid, mommy and papa will definitely take care of you." Mama Gibran convinced me again.
"A.. Fathering... I met dad..." I finally said it and the expressions of my grandmother and Gibran's parents did not look too surprised as if they had met my father before. Though my father disappeared a long time ago and every time I asked them they always diverted me until I was tired of asking again.
"But yesterday he pretended not to know me just now suddenly he came samperin I said that he misses me. I don't know how to deal with him? I don't know what to do .." My crying started to get out of hand.
"Sick, I just feel sick here. So ill... Daddy doesn't love me, does he? He left me, right? He shouldn't have come back, right?"
Not only am I crying, but also my grandmother and my mother Gibran.
"It hurts, my heart hurts. Why did he come back after I've been gone all this time?" ask me while pounding my chest which continues to feel tight.
Mama Gibran swiftly hugged me tightly, he did not let me beat my chest that felt so bitter. "Why? Why did he leave me first? Why is he coming again now? I don't know why... I don't know why he left me... I don't know, I don't know anything... Why did he leave me? Why did he leave me all this time? Why can't I accept his arrival? Why do I feel pain when I miss him... I miss it so much that it feels like I could die from this kangen..."
"Help me... I don't like this feeling, I don't like it!" I screamed, crying hysterically. I can't control my overflowing emotions. The anger mixed with this pain was so tormenting to me.
***