Second Road

Episode 27: Dislikes and fears

Hey, listen to me. I think lately time has gone too fast if I'm having fun. And I think time feels really slow if I do things I don't like.

I mean like this, I can feel every second of the time I'm passing by sitting in the car. It shows how much I hate doing it.

And when I eat or watch television, everything passes without me noticing. Everything felt quick, and when I realized, it was all over.

What is this so-called theory of relativity?

I even started to suspect that something was deliberately slowing down or speeding up time. Or maybe someone did it?

Have you ever thought like that? When I was a kid, I even thought that our time was governed by a wall clock that was always ticking.

In the past, I always thought, if the wall clock was accelerated by an hour, then we're at the time that the clock shows. And vice versa. If the wall clock is slowed by an hour, then we are in the past.

When I think of something like that, I start to think of myself as being stupid. I always want to live what I love in the time frame I want.

Why can't we just do what we like? Why do we have to deal with things we don't like? I know that question is just my selfish question.

And do you know why I keep thinking about things like that?

To be honest, lately I feel there are a lot of unpleasant things that will come soon. My feelings don't feel good.

And what do you think is the cause? There are many things that continue to disturb my mind. First, about my treatment so I can grow up again.

After grandfather explained some of the other things earlier, I so thought about it for the past few hours. I can't sleep.

Grandfather said, my risk of death could increase by 67 percent if this failed, and could rise by 74 percent if my body rejected it.

That's a pretty high number, right? And you know what I'm worried about? Yes, death. I'm afraid if it fails. That formula can destroy my own body if my body rejects it.

I was afraid that I would die, the consequences were too great. But unfortunately, I've insisted that I would.

I don't know where my confidence came from at the time. And now, that confidence has shrunk, then gone somewhere.

I stood in front of the open window. I let the night air in from there. It feels a little cold, but it's soothing.

I touched my own cheek with my palm. It was cold, my palm was no less cold than the night wind that was blowing slowly.

There was nothing in the sky, no moon or stars. Only the buzzing sounds of insects could I hear, and mosquitoes of course.

Klekka...

I looked soberly that someone opened the door.

"Hari? Why haven't you slept? It's too late, go to sleep. Tomorrow you must wake up early, go to school." Allen chattered when he saw me.

The man walked in and approached me.

"I can't sleep." Answer's short.

Now he was standing right beside me, staring out the window.

"The sky is dark. Are you worried about that one? You know what I mean, right? About that method." Said Allen.

His hand raised, then touched the top of my head. He stroked my head slowly.

Allen seemed to be reading my mind, that's right. I was a little worried about that.

Lately, I've started to think that my life is precious. In the past, I felt relaxed if I would really die. I'm starting to not understand myself.

"Not really." Imbuhku.

"If you don't want to, don't force yourself. Actually I also disagree if you do. The risk is too great if only for your growth." The drill.

"For me it doesn't matter if you keep being small like this. Sometimes being an adult doesn't really matter, the most important thing is being yourself." Added.

"Thank you, but I'll be fine."I clearly.

"Are you scared if you die from this? Aren't you gonna regret doing it later?" Ask Allen.

That's also true, I'm afraid of death. Who wouldn't be afraid of that? I think my life has just begun. I still want to live longer.

"Yes, I'm scared. But, I'd be more sorry if I never did." My timpal.

"That's a persisi like you." Reveal it with a smile.

"Allen, can I ask you something for help?" I asked while watching the dark sky.

"Repeat." The answer.

I exhaled slowly. Allen started not listening to me if I didn't want to call him brother.

I'm still not used to it, sometimes I call her by her name, and other times, I call her brother.

"Sister, can I ask you something for help?" Deuteronomy with a strong emphasis on the word 'brother'.

"Sure, just say it. Whatever it is I'll work on." The reply.

This is the other side of Allen. He's been doing a lot of things for me lately. Not a bad thing, but sometimes he's overdone too.

Sometimes I also enjoy spoiled pampering her. You could say I used it. For example, I could ask for anything, I could ask him to do a lot of things as well.

"Can you make provisions for me tomorrow?" I doubt it doubt.

"Why do you want to bring supplies? Is the food at your school not good?" He said astonished while looking at me.

"Not so, the cooking there is delicious. But I guess I'm getting bored. What you cooked this afternoon was also delicious. So...can you?"

"Well, I'll make you something nice." Excited welcome.

"Then go to bed now. It's too late." Tell her.

I saw the wall clock ticking slowly. It's eleven o'clock at night, it's too late. I immediately got into bed, then pulled out the blanket.

"Do I want to fall asleep? Do you want me to read a bedtime story?" He said while laughing.

I glared at him, then I got out of my bed.

I closed the door immediately, then I went back to my bed. A new day will soon be waiting for me, all you need to do is sleep for now.

And the rest of the problems can wait until tomorrow.

***

Next Day...

The break hour bell just went off a few seconds ago. But the students in my class were already boisterous like a flock of bees.

All right, it's a break. Who would not be happy with a time like this? You can eat, chat or complete unfinished homework for the next lesson hour.

My hands nimbly tidy up the books and stationery on the table, then put them in the drawer.

"Haru, to the cafeteria with yuk." Take Arya.

My friend was already standing next to the table, waiting for me to go with him.

"Sorry, Arya. Today I brought the goods from home." I doubt in doubt.

Last night I asked Allen to get me supplies to take to school. And there's a special reason I asked him to make me stock.

"Tumben once."

"Allen is excited about cooking. So he made me stock, that's all." My answer.

"Then I'll be right back. Don't start eating without me." Aryan Commandments. He immediately walked out of class.

About five minutes later, Arya returned to class. He brought food from the canteen. Not the usual set of food he ate, but some bread and a bottle of water.

"Let's eat." Arya said as she pulled her chair over to my desk.

I opened the provisions I brought, and the contents deviated slightly from what I imagined. I really don't understand what Allen's thinking. But.maybe this is a little excessive.

A variety of foods are arranged with all sorts of aesthetic value. There is white rice, eggs and sausages that are cut in the shape of an octopus. Vegetables are arranged between sausages.

"Where is Yuna?" My toot.

"In the cafeteria with Lily." Arya answered while eating her bread.

"Why don't you eat with them?" Ask me again

"And why don't you eat with them?" Aryan Timpal.

"I. It's because I brought provisions."

"Or maybe because you're avoiding something?"

"I'm not avoiding anything."

"But your expression on your face doesn't say that."

"I just..." I was confused to continue my sentence.

Is it possible that Arya is that? I was confused how. I was avoiding something. As much as possible, I don't want to leave class.

"Is it because of the incident behind the school yesterday?" Arya spoke to the point.

Is my mind always so easy to guess? Why do people easily know what I am thinking?

"Hmm.maybe." Reply slowly.

I bribed the food in my lunchbox. The octopus-shaped sausage I chewed slowly. Delicious, but unfortunately there is a feeling that is blocking, the taste is reduced.

"Can you tell me what their problem is with you? I mean Evan and our seniors, Mr. Gavin. You promised to talk about it today." Cute Arya.

"When did I say that?" My answer.

"Have it, just say it." His insistence.

"But I can't. I'm..."

"Why? They threaten you?"

"No, it's just..."

"Just?"

"I can't say it."

"Ahh.you are so confused." Arya replied in frustration.

"Sorry..." I said slowly.

"Why apologize?"

"Because you look upset?"

"I'm not upset, you're the one who sucks."

"That means you're upset."

"If you don't want to tell me now, promise to tell me this week. Or do I want to ask them directly?"

"Don't! All right, I'll think about it." My solute.

Why does Arya want to know this? I can't let Arya ask Evan or Gavin. Everything can be messed up.

That's the other thing that's bothering my mind. That's another thing that scares me until I keep thinking about it.

I have some problems and there are a lot of things I fear. Humans never escape from it all.

I just want to complain, but...I'm a man, right? There should be no fear in my dictionary, but if fear can make you better, then it is not a bad thing to be afraid.