Second Road

Episode 20: Loneliness

Eleven o'clock in the afternoon, still on the same day. I've been pacing back and forth in front of Allen's room for the past few hours. This doesn't mean I'm worried about him. He is still sick and resting.

No, I'm not worried at all. Why worry about people like him? It was karma because it almost harmed me that time.

Am I vengeful for him? Yeah, of course I am. He hasn't even apologized at all about what happened the first time we met.

He's just apologizing about the pudding he ate yesterday, and I've forgiven that one.

I can't focus on my reading right now, plus Allen's coughing and sneezing voice that keeps telling me. There is no stopping. And there is a feeling in my heart. But I don't know what it is.

I don't know why, lately I've found it a little difficult to control myself. I can't be as calm as usual.

It's not a matter of pain or anything, it's just that there are some things that keep me inexhaustible about what has happened.

Hey, have you ever felt like this?

I mean, do you ever feel like you've suddenly changed and things seem to haunt you. And yet everything is fine.

Ah.., I don't even know what I'm saying right now. It felt like there was a tangled rope whose knot could not be removed in my head.

What is meant by the dilemma of adolescence?

"Himg..." Allen called me from his room. His voice sounded weak. I rushed inside.

He still looks just as bad the last time I saw him. His body was still lying on the white bed with a compress cloth on his forehead. There seems to be no progress.

"Yes?" I said while looking at him flat.

"Please get me something to eat. You can, right? I'm a little hungry." He said while trying to get up from his sleeping position. He was holding his own head, seemingly still hurting.

I rushed to the kitchen. There's not much I can find. What should I give him? I also never cook alone, all I know is to eat.

What do sick people usually eat? When I'm sick, Grandpa always makes me porridge. Should I try to make it too? No, I can burn down a house if I'm not careful with the stove.

Or maybe I can make the kitchen super messy. Cooking is not a good idea.

And for now, the only food I could find was bread and pudding that Allen had given him last night. There is no other option, this alone seems to be enough.

Adults can eat anything, right?

"Is there nothing else?" Allen exhaled in disappointment when he saw what I brought him.

"No, I can't cook." I said while grinning. He stared at the food for a moment, I put it on the table.

"Oh, thank you for bothering to take it." Say again.

He took the bread and pudding I gave him. I nodded and immediately stepped up to go outside.

I was a little relieved because he had eaten something.

"Haru... Can you stay here?" His voice stopped my footsteps.

"I'm lonely to be alone here. I'm bored." Further.

"You're an adult, there's no such thing as loneliness." Reply without looking.

Funny he said he was lonely. Did he forget the age he was always proud of me for? And doesn't she think of herself as a sister to me? The perfect brother and could be anything, isn't that what he's always been saying these few days?

"Come on, just accompany me today. Aren't you already my sister? I'll buy you more pudding." He just kept persuading me.

I looked up, his face looking hopeful. And it makes itself look better, look a little softer. If it's like this, he should be sick every day.

And I also just realized that since he was sick, his way of speaking had also changed a little. He's a little childish. He's not looking for me anymore.

I went back to him, sitting right by his bedside.

"Come, come closer." Said. I slightly shifted my sitting position.

"More, closer. Come on, get closer. It's a request from a sick man, you have to fulfill it." Said again.

"You're just sick, not dead." I said, squinting.

"Come on, you've always obeyed Grandpa and never listened to me. If you don't want to, you won't be able to eat pudding forever." Threatened him.

Huh...

I exhaled slowly, then moved to sit right next to her.

"Let go! What are you doing?!" I said while trying to take his hand off.

When her hand touched my skin, I could feel her body heat, feeling hotter than a normal person. Yeah, it's because he's got a fever.

"Calm down, you're my sister. I just want to hug you." He answered without taking his hand off me.

"I'm 14 years old, I'm not a kid who still wants to be hugged know." My reply.

"Actually I lied when I said you weren't cute. You're cute." His hand is still stroking my hair.

"I don't care about that, you're not sane. Release him! Fucking weird. Your fever will move on to me." I said again.

"It's okay for a moment, I'm actually glad you're here. Sorry about before." He still held me tighter.

What's up with him? Why did it arrive? Did he get weird because his fever was getting worse? This is not true, I had to call grandfather and ask him to take Allen to the hospital.

"I've been lonely all this time. I don't have any brothers or cousins. I've also had trouble making friends since I was a kid." Mumbled.

"I only talk to you like this, I never told anyone I was lonely. But really, I do feel lonely."

He leaned his head against me, so I could smell his vanilla-like hair.

"People around me often find me strange because of this hair and my eyes. My hair is blonde and my eyes are green. When I was a kid, they said my eyes were creepy so I was shunned. I'm lonely and it feels like it could kill me."

His words made me silent. The atmosphere was silent for a moment. I stopped moving and bowed my head, letting her hug me even though I didn't like it.

"From a long time ago, I wanted to have a sister. Men or women are no problem. My parents are always busy. I lived with my grandfather here since I was a kid. There aren't many people I can make friends with." He finally let go of his embrace slowly.

I just kept listening to his words. Or rather, I don't know what to say. When she said she was lonely, it made me think of my past. Alone, hated and without direction.

"And now you're here, a surprise for me. And I still have a request." The corner of his lips rose and formed a smile.

"Can you call me brother? I'd love to hear it from you."

He patted my shoulder slowly, asking me to immediately respond to his will.

"If I don't want to?"

I said as I removed his hand from my shoulder with a light pat.

"You'll want to, I'm sure." He smiled wider, making his eyes slightly close.

"Beck.sister." I said slowly. It felt so embarrassing that my voice sounded trembling.

"I can't hear you, say it louder." He said while laughing.

"Bags.kak! brother! brother!" my yelling.

My face was burning so shamefully saying that. Meanwhile, Allen laughed in satisfaction next to me.

After that, our relationship improved a little. And I don't think he's as thick as before.

I started to open up to him a little bit and so did he. We started talking a lot, but I listened to it more often.

When he said that loneliness could kill him, I thought of one thing. He lived a hard and lonely life. Everyone has a different life path and destiny.

Many people also think that loneliness is a terrible thing. Your chest feels empty, your life is empty and everything is meaningless.

I just found out that Allen's mother is French, which is why her hair is blonde and her eyes are green. His father, who is the son of his grandfather, is Asian.

His mother Allen is now in France, working for a technology development company. And his father was in Australia, working as a researcher in the same field as his grandfather.

Allen told me a lot, he rarely met his parents, even he claimed to have almost forgotten their faces.

Their last meeting was during Allen's fourth grade of elementary school. Even before that, Allen was often left home alone because of his busy parents.

I began to lose my hatred for him. Maybe it's because I'm starting to understand him. In fact, I think that we have a little something in common. It is the same as growing up without parents.

Oh, I forgot. I haven't told you about my parents and how I was before I lived in an orphanage, have I? I'll tell you one thing, I'm not an abandoned baby.

I know exactly who my family was. And about whatever happened first, maybe I'll tell you later.

And for now, this is enough for me. May my family not be like my old family.

Well, I hope so...