Rinai Rain

Part 26: I'm Really Sorry

Part 26: I'm Really Sorry

Alvia Darsya Princess

"Zaki, we're too late. I've saved a name. That name is Farel" I said as I released a kiss of Zaki on my lips.

    I felt like I betrayed Farel who had been raising hopes for me all this time. I felt humiliated for a moment. I enjoyed the kiss for a while before I let go. It reminds me of dusk on the coastline of Padang two years ago.

Dusk can unravel its mystery for anyone who wants to wait. The light of orange twilight reminds us of the things that make us feel special. It was twilight itself that reminded me of Farel until I stopped Zaki. Dusk unravels his mystery on Farel. I turned around and I saw Farel standing there as I watched Zaki and me waiting for dusk.

This wasn't planned. I just want to go to Zaki's shop to buy my guitar strings. He invited me to spend time together after a long time we did not meet. I appreciate that. Zaki himself has instilled the twilight philosophy in me. He taught me everything.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean Alvia. I was just getting carried away," he told me.

    The awkwardness I was experiencing made me look around. How surprised I was to be tucked away by someone in my vision. The shady gaze was as shady as rain and looked as cold as endless rinai. Farel saw the moment of my weapon I hid from him. He saw Zaki peeking softly at my lips.

My biggest mistake was breaking the heart of someone I had hoped for. I just said I love her. Right at dusk this time, all that was lost was carried away by the twilight wind. I hurt her heart back. His heart broke again after I myself attached it before. The clingy open and makes it fragile.

"Why do you love me?" The question is so hard for me.

    If only I could touch that love with logic, maybe I could find a reason to love. I can only love her without explaining, only my feelings and heart can feel.

"I care about you Farel. I don't want you back fragile rich first, and I pity to see you...." That word just came out of my mouth. I don't know what storm is bringing him closer.

    "Pity you say?" ask Farel to me. That word felt bad for him. For the first time I wanted to be slapped by a man.

I want to cry, cry about what happened. I lost the heart he once laid on me. He deserves to hate me. How many times has her heart been broken by me. Even so, still this heart urges to defend, no matter how much Farel endures in his hatred.

My confusion is looking to whom to lean on. This time there was only Zaki as my good listener for a while. At first I did not like him who suddenly came back into my life.

   However, he came in peace without wanting to open the old wounds. I accept that by burying the existing resentment. There is no time for me to remember the past.

The trees cast a shadow between us. It feels cold when the heart is warming. The man beside me played the guitar he had made for me before. Finally the guitar again touched the hand of the maker.

     Zaki took me to a place to reflect for a while. He gave me a chance to tell you about something that was stirring my heart.

"That means Farel doesn't love me anymore."

"It's all my fault Alvia. If only I hadn't kissed you back then" Zaki said. His face seemed to regret what he had done.

"Farel deserves to hate me. The closer I get to her, the more often she gets hurt by me."

Zaki drove me home. The sound of music on the car stopped as we got in front of my house.

"I'll go home first, Zak. Thank you for saying this," I told him.

   I opened the car door. But something stopped me from continuing. Her cold hand touched my hand.

"I'll make you forget about Farel. Be mine again Alvia" she asked me.

Suddenly I shook my head. I realized that my heart had chosen. Memories of the past are also reasons for me not to get stuck in the same hole.

"I can't, Zaki. It keeps me away from Farel. I love him." I let go of his hand. But he took it back.

"I'll make Alvia forget Farel."

I let go of her soft hands.

   "I can't Zaki. I'm not ready to forget him. Sorry," I said, closing the door. There was a sense of disappointment that was reflected from his handsome face. Highlight his eyes staring at me dimly from the clear glass of the car.

My heart is sad to realize the person I love is gone and hates. He left all the hope he gave me and I gave him.

    I also felt sick realizing that I had enjoyed the kiss for a while. I felt like I was lying to her who loved me. The sincerity that makes him endure to remain loving and fragile when everything feels lied to.

I'm sorry Farel, I'm so sorry......

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