Rinai Rain

Part 23: The Seed that Grows

Part 23: The Seed that Grows

Azka Aldric's

I was always under Farel. Farel can rival me in anything. Starting from friends, possessions, women, and influence, he was always one step ahead of me. One of the things that made my hatred appear to her. I was happy when he was down. At that time I thought that was the right time to get ahead of him. It turns out that all is true. Everything I have now is more than anything he has ever gained at that time.

   I tried to forget someone. No matter how strong an attempt to forget someone, it will still leave a little taste that has been imprinted before. He once filled my heart that was once empty. Her gentle attitude made me fall in love for the first time.

    It was Cessa, the hijab woman. However, I can't believe that Farel, whom I consider an enemy, is back in my life. He managed to take Cessa's attention from me which Farel eventually considered my own rival.

    Once again I thought that Farel was always above me. It can even attract the attention of people I like. Time answers everything. Cessa says love to me all of a sudden. My deep hatred for Farel made me reject him.

   "Cessa, you're gonna be my girlfriend, but I want you to stay away from that stupid Farel guy" I said at the time.

     I really don't like him being close to Farel. It makes me jealous. Cessa refused my request to stay away from Farel. He was willing to stay away from the person he loved for the sake of his own best friend.

     They are truly inseparable, always together at all times. The more I hate him. My jealousy grew as they got closer. I was expecting someone who could forget Cessa from me and finally God answered her. God brought Alvia in that day.

    The appearance of Alvia made me blind. It turns out that the saying is true, love is completely blind. Love never chooses to whom it will grow. Not only that, but love blinds every heart to hurting someone who ever really cared. I put aside everything Farel had ever done to me.

     Without him I would never have turned into a real man. He taught me everything. Until it falls back in my own hands.

The moon tonight is calling the stars to shine on the earth. The light will not be strong enough to warm the touching cold, but bright enough for a heart that is seeking warmth. The sounds of insects are unpretentious to sounds that humans will never understand. The sound is only a filler when in the silence of the night. Not infrequently also tucked the sound of night birds that often come out calling to be heard.

My heart still hurts from my broken heart. I felt something empty when I touched this heart.  The heart that once filled my heart is gone. The deep hole is now nesting and waiting to be replenished. If not him, maybe by someone else I never even knew before.

It's not wrong to hate me. I started it all. When they loved each other, I came to destroy that feeling for my own sake. I'm like a bad person who has misled other people's feelings and deflected those feelings on me.

    It feels like I won in that, but the truth is that I lost. Finally all is revealed. They know they loved each other.

The dim light of this courtyard light shone on half of my face. The dark felt touching some of my other faces. The slow dancing air stroked my hair slowly. Sway slowly to the rhythm of the night wind. My fingers lit the fire that ignited the tip of this fragrant tobacco. I haven't tried it in a long time. I think it's a good time to try it again.

I sucked the tobacco slowly until it made its distinctive sound. The smell of tobacco turned into a pungent smell of smoke. I pulled it a little and then breathed it back. Tobacco smoke danced among the dim light of the courtyard lamp. Whirling flying breezed into the air. My load was carried away by a bunch of smoke. My mind slowly relaxed.

Half of this tobacco has been smoked. At the end was left a gray that asked to be snapped by fingers. With a distinctive style, my index finger flicked the cheap tobacco stick. This one is only worth a thousand if I buy it in the shop next door. I don't want to buy a full pack. It'll just make me go back to being a palanquin. One day will not have any effect on back sucking.

    He stood straight in front. The fragrant bushes of this hijab-wearing woman swarm around. Her face was slightly reddish white on her cheeks. It was not a cosmetic polish or so, it was natural from the idiosyncrasies of her face. Cessa pulled a cigarette tucked between my lips.

"Don't suck this! It's destructive!" He stepped on it until it left only the filter.

"I'm confused, Cess. I love him when my best friend loves him too. Am I wrong?" ask her. He put down his bag and sat down next to me.

"No, you're not wrong to love Alvia. However, your intentions and ways are wrong. I had reminded him earlier that Farel loved him too. You confessed this not only because of love, but also proved that you can be more than Farel" replied Cessa.

    Our shoulders touch each other. Gives a little centrality that comes out of nowhere. Wasn't this what we used to do before? Or is it all awkward when things are no longer ordinary?

"Farel also loved Alvia, and Farel slowly improved since Alvia's presence. Don't bother them, plisss."

     I recalled the words he had told me a long time ago when Cessa was trying to commemorate. It's just that I scolded him by saying something that disfigured Farel: Don't mention your idiot friend's name in front of me."

"So I mukulin Farel. I'm so sorry Cess."

Cessa nodded. Her lips widened thinly forming a small smile.

   "Yes, I know. Alvia told me everything, including her feelings for Farel. Actually I've known about it for a long time, only he's jealous to see me with Farel. Well, same rich story you used to be Azka." Cessa reminded me of that. My face was red with shame.

    "Aren't you chasing me?" ask me to return.

    "Eh, wake up, Azka. You're the one chasing me. But, in the end I was the real one first," he said with a laugh.

We laughed together under the dim light of the moon. Blanketed in the dark of the night while telling stories about the past that often makes us blush embarrassed. Tell stories like lovers.

    There is something wrong with what I feel. Like someone is filling the void. I touched my chest and tried to feel it.

    The emptiness of my heart seemed to fill again, even if only partially.

    I think it's not just a seed, it's grown back.

***