Rinai Rain

Part 20: Is This Love?

Part 20: Is This Love?

Alvia Darsya Princess

Rinai rain does not always color, sometimes stormy like a wounded heart.

   I got the word shortly after we met. The rain I waited for never came. As if the moon were falling, I wish for rain when the sun is shining brightly.

   It will not come like dusk is always present when I want it. I tried to position myself as a rain bouncer like Farel used to do.

I was bowed under the glitter of the twilight light that was slowly fading away. Day just left without giving me a speck of rain. Though I waited all day as a substitute for my longing for the rain-waiter who was lying sick. I wanted to take care of her, but I knew the limits of what I was doing. It's not mine. I let Cessa do that.

I knew Cessa wasn't Farel's lover, but still they looked close like lovers. Cessa's gentle demeanor became a cold heart balancer, like Farel's. I often hear their stories that are legendary among students who often make this feeling again turbulent.

Forgetting someone is not like turning a palm. Still will leave the small seeds\-seeds that we have planted. The seed\-seed could have grown and brought that flavor back.

    I believe the seed grew back in my heart even though the grasp of Azka I always felt. Every time I hear stories about Farel and Cessa, that's where I get back to feeling jealousy. I'm not a hypocrite, I still love her.

At first my heart was broken when I saw them making out. I don't think any of my best friends do things\-things like they do. The door of Farel's room opened just like that, and I saw them embracing me affectionately.

   The smell of typical hospital medicines is replaced with the fragrant smell of Cessa's body. I felt struck by the warmth they were making. I kept smiling, pretending I didn't know what was going on.

    Shortly after, I heard a sentence I had never expected before. The warmth of twilight seemed to turn cold when the rain said.

"Why should I love Alvia, not the same you who always cared about me? And why can't you love me and choose Azka who never cared about you at all Cessa?"

   The words that make me a good and bad person all at once. I feel like I'm in the black and white world of romance. Since then I feel like everything that happened I wish was just a dream and I want to repeat it from the beginning again when everything looks mediocre.

"Alvia, I can explain everything" said Azka who had just been discharged from the hospital. I deliberately sped up the pace to more quickly contemplate the twilight here.

"Nothing needs to be explained. Everything is clear. I feel like I'm the worst person because I took you from Cessa" I said. Azka held my hand gently. I got into my little finger. Enough to shake my finger cold. "And you still love Cessa." I slowly touched his hand.

"I love you, Cessa. There won't be anyone else." He took my hand back. Impressed to force even though I refused to be touched.

"I know why Cessa and Farel would never be one. Because each\ of them loves another and that other person is us!"

I left her. My heart is forcing me to go home alone. For the first time I felt contempt to be ushered in by him. The twilight light that hit the road seemed to lead me to take the path without it. However, my steps were stopped by a hand holding me back.

"Why do you have to upset Alvia."

"Why did you say? First, I loved Farel before we were together. I felt guilty for ignoring her when I loved her. Second, I felt despicable when I realized that I had called you from my own friend. We shouldn't be together, Azka." I abandoned. Azka didn't force me to leave. He let me go home alone.

My tears were shed as I looked at the smiling moon. Wet my cheeks until they spill into the grass. My heart was being muddled by all the feelings mixed into one. The intense turbulence made my inner torment fragile. I don't know what to do. Why is he so strong to hold back his feelings that he's getting worse at the moment? I'm sure the reason he got sick like this was because of my relationship with Azka.

The makeup I wore had been wiped away by tears. I still haven't gotten into the house and stayed in the yard. I tried to look at everything and tell the moon and the stars up there.

   The sky decorated by dark clouds closes off part of the moon that is reflecting sunlight. The distinctive night aroma complete with a piercing cold became commonplace by loners at the end of the night. Enjoy everything while looking.

Highlight the light of the car lights imprinted on the trees. The sound of the car door closing sounded shortly afterwards. The oriental-eyed man appeared at the end there. Standing looking at me, staring at the night sky. Her big steps brought me here. There was no smile painted, there was only the rest of my endless crying.

"Alvia, are you all right?" ask herself. He sat beside me and I don't know what kind of force made me land directly on his shoulders. Doesn't an ordinary lover do something like this? it's just being awkward when everything has happened.

"I'm not good with Azka. I'm confused as to what to do. Cessa, Farel, You. I was confused" I replied. My tears just keep flowing. There's no stopping for him.

"You need time for all this. I'm sure as time goes on, this will all become commonplace for us,"

"What happened to Farel?" my many.

He took a breath for a moment looking for the words\-words he was about to mention. I'm sure this is a difficult question for him to tell you everything. I can't deny that there's so much he's hiding about Farel from me.

Azka answered my question, "Farel's depression is back. Farel could not sleep for a few days until he became very sick. And ...." Azka's sentence is broken.

"And what?"

"You shouldn't be surprised if Farel ever became a drug addict\-sedative medicine. This has nothing to do with the case in Jakarta. He has been an addict since Pekanbaru. All those problems that make it that way. However, he was cured thanks to Cessa and her father. Lately he's started again."

I bit my finger at Azka's confession. I never thought Farel would dare to do such a dangerous thing\-thing. All I saw from Farel was a good boy who was always quiet and not much behavior. But I don't know him more deeply. His life is heavier than I thought.

"I'm a bad person until I hurt two people at once" I said. Azka's hand stroked my hair slowly. Feels comfortable to me, gives me a little sense of calm.

"No, you're a good man. Not everything that happens is your fault." He's dyed my hair.

   Azka is a sweet and romantic person. It always made me comfortable with all her gentle treatment. However, in my heart save two men at once, only my love tends to the rain-waiter.

***