Prison of Love

Moody Swing

90

“Go to my heart not as a guest, but as a homeowner. Because there you will stay forever.”

Hengky once said that phrase back when I was with Andy. It would only be considered as the wind. But now, I proved the truth of that sentence. His struggle was so overwhelming that I felt unworthy of him.

Suddenly all the pain and sadness I had for the sake of fighting for our relationship felt like a nail from the struggle he had done without my knowledge.

Lately I also just found out from Andy that Hengky fought very hard to build his business. He slept only two hours in the first two years while building his business. Sometimes he sleeps in the car, sometimes in the restaurant seat, wherever as long as he can close his eyes for a moment.

As Andy scolded him not to try too hard, trying to get him to joke by telling him that without him fighting this hard, he would inherit his giant Papi's company, Hengky replied, saying, “I don't want our wedding to be arranged by others including my family under the pretext that the money we use comes from someone else's business.”

I have always been the motivation behind his hard work.

All this time I assumed that I knew everything, there was nothing I didn't know about him. But hearing Abah's story two weeks ago made me realize, there are many wounds and struggles that Hengky did without my knowledge.

Yes, two weeks have passed and two more weeks ahead of our wedding day.

Unlike the story of some friends and brothers who said that before the wedding there will be many trials, Hengky and I passed the days smoothly. He very rarely contacted me except about our wedding preparations.

I had to suppress the feelings that were increasing every day. Hengky was not saying nonsense when he said he wanted to keep the sanctity of our relationship before the wedding. He really didn't contact me unless he really needed to.

I honestly miss him a lot. At least I just want him to say that word. Just a confession that I'm not the only one feeling that way.

 But again I have to learn to let everything go according to the plot. I let this feeling settle in the heart, letting the feeling of happiness by just reading the short text message, he said,

“What's all okay?”

“Catering I ordered. A simple record according to what Naya wants also I have arranged. Don't mind much, yeah. Don't be tired.”

“Mom and Suit Abah tomorrow delivered courier yes.”

Ah, this is crazy. Why do I expect him to say the phrase as before?

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A week before our wedding.

Since we only invited our closest relatives and friends, we weren't preoccupied with how troublesome it was to prepare an invitation. Catering for the event at the newly purchased house of Hengky and at the house of Abah and Mother was also ordered by Hengky. It seemed that since there was no busyness, my mind was even distracted.

I began to doubt Hengky's sincerity just because of his cold short message.

But if I think using logic, I know the reason why he behaves that way. But there are times when the other side of the heart says,

Look, he's never called you ‘Sayang’ again, is it possible that he doesn't love you like he used to?

Why is Abah's suit and Mother's dress delivered by courier? Why isn't he coming alone?

Ah, it seems like he doesn't love me anymore.

Slowly negative thoughts began to darken my day. I started to cringe, get angry for no reason, and cry a lot.

Other times, I start to think, am I possessed by a demon?

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Five days before the wedding

Instead of getting better, my mental state was getting worse. Worse, because I try my best to hide my feelings for those around me.

I feel that being demanded as a bride must display a happy hue and smile on the face. While my heart is still rooted, it spreads sadness throughout the heart. Logic almost died.

An hour later I felt fine and the next hour I cried again. I'm afraid Hengky is really as I thought. I'm afraid Hengky married because he already promised me.

When things were going bad, the phone call went off. I glanced at the caller's name, though,

“Assalamualaikum, Ky.”.

There was laughter across there, “Waalaikum greetings. How are you, Naya?”

“Yaa... this way..” I replied limp.

“Loh? What was? How does that sound?”

I let out a long sigh, “Gak papa.”.

“Tumben calling? Usually just chat short-short doang.”.

Hengky was silent for a moment, carefully he said, “Don't tell me if you just snack because of it..”.

“Don't laugh! I know you must be laughing now!” angry seruku.

“Eh, who's laughing?”

Hearing her clear tone of voice holding back laughter made me even more annoyed, I slammed my body onto the bed, sighing loudly, deliberately letting Hengky know that I was upset.

“If I don't know what my mistake is but I'm sorry if I was wrong..”.

“If you don't know ya find out, dong!” ketus balaku.

“I'm there now, yes..”

Suddenly my pupils dilated, my reflexes instantly got out of bed, “Eh? Why?”

“Let's not sulking again..”

“I don't need you to come here, Hengky Widiyantooo..!”

“Trus what?”

Instantly I fell silent, confused to explain how I felt now. Since it is impossible for me to say that I miss him, I want him to treat me the way he used to.

“Sayang?”

The deg!

My heart rippled finely. A word that breaks the ice in the heart. Even if he could see my face right now, he would definitely mock me all out.

“Try saying again..” God, this sentence just came out of my mouth.

“Do not get angry again yes, dear. Wait there yeah, I'm there now.”

“Hey, i...” haven't had my sentence finished yet, the phone call has been cut off.

Suddenly my senses returned.

What have I done? What the fuck am I?

I was in a hurry to call Hengky back. My heart rate became hunting when I realized my attitude was exactly like a child who was not bought by toys.

Up to three calls, he didn't even pick up.

Oh my God.. How is this? What am I supposed to say if he's really here?

Imagine how embarrassed he would be if he were really here to make me keep calling him. Arriving at the call I don't know, the phone picked up, the,

“Iya, Darling... I'm on the road again.”

“Don't come here! I'll be even more angry if you get here!”

The sound of laughter across the street makes me even more embarrassed, but my attitude deserves a laugh.

“Prospective of my wife if angry funny huh? It has long not been horrified you lugged gini so funny dreadnya.”

I'm down, “Iyaa.. I do pantes in ketawain..”.

“You are married, dear.”.

My lips cannot help a smile. While my lips are smiling with shame. I don't know why I'm being shy like this? It was as if Hengky was in front of me.

“So we meet in five days huh?”

“In shaa Allah..”

“Yes, In shaa Allah. May God launch our wedding, dear.”.

I closed my eyes, said ‘amien’ with hope in Him.