Prison of Love

The Unreasonable Reason

69

As expected. Abah and I have rented a pick-up car to carry all my things. Officially, I am no longer a boarding boy and no longer a student.

Coming home from the resto, Hengky who had already paid the entire meal bill was not given the slightest chance to get closer to me. I haven't even had a chance to say goodbye to her, or just give her a final smile.

My tears could not be held all the way home. Grandma who asked me why I was crying only I answered briefly, “Naya again flu, Grandma..”.

Didn't I just say that happiness just greeted me? Why did he leave so quickly? Why didn't she let me hold her for longer and let me feel her presence? At least until I was sure, confident that Hengky would still hold my hand until a time that could not be solved by my short logic.

The farewell words I heard were only, “Hengky said yes, Abah, Mother, everything... “

He didn't mention my name. He just smiled at me briefly. Making my already misty eyes no longer able to hold back until it turned into teardrops as it looked at his back away.

I should have spent more time with him. I should have been able to pull her up and hold her for a while. I should at least be able to say thank you.

Thank you for always being there for me, thank you for accompanying me in all the difficult situations I have experienced, thank you for the selfless love and care for me, and thank you, thank you, thank you for being polite to Abah, my mother and my extended family even if they didn't treat her well.

My eyes looked at the back of Abah and Mother sitting in front. I felt my hatred overflowing so I could not contain it. I wanted to shout furiously, wanted to curse and throw whatever was near me.

What kind of graduation is this? If their presence was just to make me miserable like this, I really did not expect their presence. Yes, it was better that those like Papi and Mami Hengky who were absent than his presence would actually make a wound as painful as this.

Until we got home, Abah and Mom didn't say a single word. Don't apologize, smile congratulate me just don't.

Tired because since before dawn busy getting ready for graduation I did not ignore. Pain in the heart is more unable to endure. More pain plus the haughty attitude that my parents were treating me with.

That night I cried all out when Hengky called me. This longing I cannot endure. I miss him so much.

No anger or disappointment came out of Hengky's mouth. He gently advised me and said that this was only temporary. He asked me to hold on for a little while, that whatever happens, I'm the place to go and he's my last port.

Until this morning, it was the height of everything. They confiscated my cell phone. The only medium that connected me with Hengky, the only place that could get me to connect with my friends is now gone.

I looked at my mother not believing. What they did to me was like punishing a kid Osman's age. Besides, what's my fault?

“If you are caught contacting your friend again, I will do worse than this!”

“I'm wrong, Mom? I didn't do anything that went against what Abah and Mom wanted,” my voice choked. Talking while crying makes my throat feel dry.

“You think to yourself, dong! You are already a big man, you are an adult! Cook that way you should know!” Mom folded her hands in front of her chest. His eyes grew bigger and his voice shrieked furiously.

I was down, unable to say anything. Because whatever I'm about to say will only add to their anger. Any word that comes out of my mouth is like pouring gasoline into a fire.

Abah cleared his throat, he took my phone from Mom's hand, “You have no power whatsoever while still living in Abah's house, still eat from the money Abah loves and still wear clothes from the money Abah gave!”

My teeth were struggling to hold back my emotions. My chest felt so tight that it felt like it was going to break. My blood is boiling. I want to scream, “AKU ALSO IF YOU CAN CHOOSE NOT WANT TO BE BORN FROM THIS FAMILY!!”

Yeah, I'm so used to holding back and sorting every word that comes out of my lips. Too often treated like this makes me very aware of the effects that will be caused by word errors.

“Start tomorrow you join your mother to the Foundation. You should start learning to take care of the Foundation! At least repay Abah and Mother with your strength!”

The more sentences Abah said my lips the more beristighfar slowly. I did think that being at home would not be easy, it's just that I didn't expect it to be this bad. Even my thoughts that are too often negative will never cross this way.

“Naya wants to work outside first, Bah. Want to know the experience first,” I tried to dare to answer Abah's words.

“From what experience? How much do you pay them? Want to be their man?” mother immediately turned off my words.

I'm bowed.

Then later at the Mother's Foundation, will be given a matching salary?

“Rather than spending energy there, it is better to be filial, repay your parents before you are taken!”

Immediately. I'll get married soon and get out of this hell!

Suddenly I remembered the chat that time when we were watching TV together. My brother Ali said about his future plans. He freely chose his place of school, at which University he wanted, and at which institution he wanted to work later.

At that moment, Mom said.

“Iya, Son. I agree, there is no harm in changing jobs, just looking for life experience.”

Anything for my boys.

Maybe that's what's on Abah and Mom's mind. My sisters always had veto power in determining their way of life.

While me? I was never allowed to choose. Everything has to go according to what they want. The school premises, the way of dressing, friends, association, all must be in their full supervision.

Once upon a time before graduating from High School, all my friends held a farewell by taking a walk to the Beach. And of course, according to your guesses, only I am not allowed to come along. I spent the rest of the day feeling jealous and sad to see my friends share their photos on social media.

They shared a photo with the caption, ‘Minus son Mami si Naya Khairunnisa’

Is this natural? Is what Abah and Mom did a natural thing? If this is to be done, then why don't my friends' parents do the same?

Wouldn't they also love their children so much as Abah and Mom always say whenever they order me over something?

“You heard Mom, Naya?!”

I stammered. I softly replied, “Iya, Mom...”