Prison of Love
First Love Hengky
#21
Meet me! I found what I was looking for!
I eagerly opened the 19x14cm thick book in my hand.
A little dusty with a blue cover color that starts to fade.
There's a big piece of writing on it, though,
‘Never dare to open this book if you still want to live’
I turned my head back while frowning, it seems like this book he wrote decades ago. The current Hengky would not be possible to write such a flashy title.
The longer this book is the better. I can't ask her about her past.
Let alone his past, his home address until now I do not know.
Yep. I don't know where I am at the moment.
Okay. Don't waste any longer. I have to find out before Hengky comes back.
I opened the first page. There are pictures of three children there.
The small text of the photo is in the corner of the paper, I narrowed my eyes, trying to read it clearly,
‘Hengky, Brother Andy and Maya at the Zoo, March 15, 2000’
Andy? Is he this close to Andy? Then, how could their relationship now deteriorate like this?
I close my face to the photo of a little girl in the middle of them,
It's Maya? Who is Maya?
But.. wait a minute, why is this face not foreign to me?
I think I've seen it somewhere... But, where...?
My fingers immediately turned over the next page,
...12 January 2007...
...Andy's brother was with me all day at home. We are excited to play PS while waiting for Papi and Mami to come. He said they were going home.. But why not come?...
I took a breath, it seemed like what Hengky told me in the dining room just now was true. If it was like that, he had been very lonely all this time.
I immediately turned the next page, though,
...25 November 2010...
...It's Crazy! It's been more than three years since Papi and Mami never came home! They used to come see me sometimes, stay overnight....
... I miss. I'm lonely, Mi......
There is sadness in the heart.
I felt slapped with the reality that my family, which I thought would make me suffer the most, was nothing compared to his family.
He's right, this is crazy! Do parents think that they have carried out their obligations as parents by just continuing to send money? as if all the kids need is material? Then what about hugs? Small talk or just a little joke while watching TV?
Wait, has Hengky ever felt any of that?
With a feeling that still stuck I turned the next page.
No writing, just a photo of himself with Andy smiling widely while embracing each other. I guess, maybe Hengky was about 13 years old.
Then the next page, a photo of a long curly-haired teenage girl. However, my forehead crinkled as I saw the woman's face in the scribble violently. Seen emphasis on his doodles, a sign of outpouring of emotion and anger as he scribbled them.
I narrowed my eyes again, reading the small text below,
...Why are you leaving, Maya? I thought we were one heart......
My laughter almost came out of reading this. Oh my God.. Is he heartbroken? The writing is funny.
Next page, the,
...30 November 2012...
...He said he really liked Andy. Itis funny. I'm always there for him but why does he like my brother?...
...Its alright. I'm sincere if it's Andy's sister. I know my brother can make her very happy....
Hey, is this still about a broken heart?
He was heartbroken for a long time, two years.
Oh, my God, this is not a minute.
I shook my head as if I could not believe that Hengky had experienced this deep heartbreak.
And also, his relationship with Andy.
He trusted and loved Andy first.
It seemed, Andy often accompanied the lonely Hengky.
I wondered why their relationship could be so bad right now.
...12 December 2012...
...Are Mami and Papi crazy?! Why would they do this to me?...
...Papi cheated, Mami was the same....
...And they say, it's because of me?!! ...
My eyes are wide open reading this.
What kind of life has Hengky lived all this time?
I took a deep breath and then I exhaled slowly. My heart felt unprepared to receive many of the surprise answers to such a series of puzzles.
I should be happy, right?
I know what Hengky's real life is.
Why does the other side of my heart hurt?
I sighed again, then turned the next page,
...2 January 2015...
...GODDAMN SHIT!! All those jerks!!...
...Yep!! Go away you all! I don't need you all!!...
...The world has destined me to live my own life!...
...It's bullshit!!! Everything you guys promised is NONSENSE!!...
Finger stopped. My eyes turned around trying to connect what I was looking for with this writing.
Is it possible that this is the reason he went crazy when he found out about my true situation last night?
But... What's the connection?
“Naya??”
I was shocked to death. The blue-covered book slipped out of my hand,
“K-you're back?”
Hengky looked at me alternately with the blue-covered book near my feet,
He breathed and walked slowly towards me,
“So, how much do you know about me?”
...-----------------------------------------------------------------...
I gulped as Hengky walked past me while returning the blue-covered book to its place.
He took my hand and asked me to sit on the bed, facing the large window beside him.
Beautiful garden view spoils the eyes. Looks once the garden is taken care of by a Professional Gardener. Looks regular with green grass as wide as the eye can see.
“I could have to hold back my emotions, Naya..”.
Hearing Hengky start telling stories made me focus my attention on her.
“From childhood I used to hold anything by myself. When I fell and was seriously injured, Baby Sitter who was looking after me said, ‘don't cry! Boys must be strong!’, or when I am sad, no one will embrace me while comforting my sorrow. I never had anyone who would do that sincerely. I have to hold everything myself.
As I grew up, I began to realize I had difficulty expressing emotions. I don't know how to deal with anger, how to express what I think. What I say is just a formality.
I feel obligated to show everyone that I'm okay, I'm a cheerful person and I don't have any problems to complain about.
On the downside, I get out of control when I'm really emotional. I go crazy and do what I want if anger overwhelms me.
I remember three times I did something like this. When I found out that Papi was cheating on me, when he caught Andy that time, and last night, when he was with you.”.
Hengky was silent for a moment. He lowered his head and looked at me, ”I'm really sorry for last night's incident, Naya.”.
“You said, you can't express what you feel.. But... You are always romantic, you also always say dear to me, is not that your way of expressing your heart?”
I cut the sentence. It feels like my common sense can't just take what he's saying.
“Yes. Sure oes. Because I feel like I should do that, I should do that.”.
“So..it's not from your heart?”
“No, until I realized why I was so angry when I heard your confession yesterday. At that time I realized, you've been too into my life.”.
I looked at Hengky in disbelief. I hurriedly got up and walked into the room filled with my photos,
“Then what is this, Hengky? What is all this if you don't do it from the heart? Have you forgotten you've been doing all this for three years?!”
Hengky shrugged his shoulders, “Okay, maybe a hobby?”
“What?!”
A laughing voice rang out from his mouth, he came up to me and smiled, saying,
“I also don't know why I'm doing this, Naya... I was just thinking, this is what I should do if I like someone.”.
“Include Maya?”
Hengky frowned, “Maya?”
“Yes. Mayanist. A girl who broke your heart for more than two years.”
“Astyjaa....!!” Hengky laughed again, “I've even forgotten that I ever had feelings for her. Almost every day I meet him, I forget. Look, Naya. Your charm beats everything..”
“Wait...wait... almost every day meet? Who's Maya? Why don't I know?”
Hengky looked surprised, but as fast as lightning he tried to control himself back, “I want to go out for a while. You need a nightgown, don't you?” he switched the conversation.
“Hey? You haven't answered my question, Hengky!”
“You will know for yourself, Naya..” replied Hengky while walking towards the door.
Leaving me still standing with a myriad of questions raging in my heart.
...---------------------------------------------------------------------------...
