Perfect Husband's

73. Self-introjection

#POVAndre

As far as Sila was from my room, I felt very guilty towards her. My evil attitude and uncontrollable emotions must have tarnished her heart. Moreover, I had already courageously touched it. She must be very disgusted with me. I am outrageous. I can't control myself well.

All the years I have been with him, I have never done such indecency to him and today, I just have no heart to touch him. I feel dirty. I did give her my first kiss, but why should she be my sister's wife.

I just want to disappear from their lives. I felt like I had no face to meet and meet Sila face to face. I'm shy. My pride has collapsed. I even look really bad now.

I might as well get away from them all. It'll be better than me here. I'll just be a disgrace to them. I'm really disappointed in myself.

"Andre, how are you?" Vallen visited me to the room. After the party, Vallen madih was at the family home to help tidy up the place a little.

"Why face?" Vallen felt strange about my bruised face in some places. He'll probably be in shock after I tell him what this wound is because of.

"My face I like myself, Val. When Sila came here. Even I almost fucked her," I purposely said this, to find out how much she felt for me. If he changes to me, he never loves me.

"You're almost..." The sentence Vallen spoke was cut off by me.

"Yes, I almost did that" I said flat and a little cold.

"Would that be your depression, Ndre?" Vallen doesn't believe what I'm doing. Obviously, my behavior was indeed very brutal I couldn't even forgive myself.

All this time I've always taken good care of Sila. I've never been a pervert to her, let alone kiss her like that. This incident makes me feel very embarrassed and will not be forgiven by Sila. He must have been disgusted by me and my behavior.

"I don't know, either, why I'm out of control like that. I feel like I want to master and have Sila again. Maybe I'm crazy, "I grabbed my own hair remembering everything that happened.

My depression seems to be getting worse. I'm afraid I'll do something beyond reason again. I want to heal and live a normal life. Maybe going away from home will make me a lot calmer even free from inner pressure.

"Andre, I'm sure, you did it all because of the pressure of your depression. You're not crazy, and I don't like you to think of yourself as such" Vallen smiled sincerely at me. I could feel that he really loved me sincerely.

"Thank you Vallen. You already understand me well, you should have a normal fiance and reciprocate all your feelings with love. Not spending your precious time on a guy like me. I deserve more to be away than to be loved. I'm just a person who feels selfish and always regrets what I've done in the past" I explained who I am. I am not someone who deserves to be loved by anyone.

"I don't want to hear you humble yourself anymore. I'm your fiance, even though you never admit it. I will do my best for you and give you all my feelings. Maybe one day you'll be able to accept me" Vallen tried to convince me with his sincere feelings. I felt more guilty for doing this to her. I hugged him a second time. It was like hugging a friend.

"Vallen, I really appreciate your sincerity. Help me and take me away from the shadows. I really want to be happy, just like everyone else who has a wife and children." It was as if I was begging him. I just wish I could change my feelings through my relationship with Vallen.

"I'll definitely help you, Andre. I will try to make you forget your mass love as best you can. I also want to get an important position in your heart, "When the last sentence, I caught Vallen's heart as if it was broken. She must have wished that I could accept it the same as the other couple. If I could, I would do it.

"If I wanted to go far, would you let me Vall?" I need his opinion, though it's fictional, but he's my fiancee now.

"No. I'm not gonna let you go Andre. You must remember, that our marriage will soon be in the title. I don't want you to leave, before we get married and I go wherever you go" I guess, she won't let me go. She was afraid she would disappoint her parents. True too he said, I had even told the family we would get married a month after we got engaged. I am getting confused about my feelings. A girl as beautiful as her who was sincere in love with me did not manage to take my heart.

"alright. I'm not leaving. How about tomorrow we see the house I bought for where we live. Hope you like it" said my statement to Vallen's sparkling eyes. Of course the girl thought we were going to live life as a couple.

"alright. I concur. Then I go home first, take care of yourself. See you tomorrow." Vallen breezed off leaving me who was still looking at the woman's back body. Even his body shape was perfect, but I was not tempted at all.

The next day...

I visited Vallen's house to invite my fiancee to see our new house which will be occupied after me and her marriage later.

His family welcomed me very well and respectfully. Maybe because I come from a family, they're so flattered. I never really had a problem with our social status. To me it doesn't matter.

Vallen came out with a makeup that I thought was very pretty. I also have normal instincts as a man. She must have tried her best to be able to look elegant while going with me.

After asking for permission, I took the girl away.it was still the same awkward feeling just like when I drove her to the meeting and made a deal with her.

"Nwdre.." Call him. I'm asking, if we're just the two of you I don't want him to call me 'honey'.

"It turns out you're very handsome with this look" he said. This is the first time a woman has admired me for what I look like.

"You're beautiful, too" I praised her as well. Pleasing his heart isn't it okay? I want him to be comfortable. Although I don't consider him as he would, I consider him a partner.

"Have your wounds healed?" Ask. He seemed very worried about me.

"My face is better. Only my hands are still hurting, maybe tomorrow it's better" I said. I try as gently as possible to make Vallen feel comfortable.

All the way, he and I were just talking about trivial matters. Maybe it's because I don't feel connected to her that our conversation doesn't seem intimate at all.

We both got to the house I bought. Vallen looked fascinated. Because the house I bought is almost as big as the house of the Wijaya family, papa's house.

"This is the house we're going to live in, you like it?" I asked Vallen. He certainly liked it, and would not refuse to stay here.

"Like, Ndre. But isn't this house too big for us to live alone?" Ask me. It's too big if it's just the two of us, but I don't want to be suspected. Wouldn't it be that if we were married they would think that we would have children? that's what I was expecting. So I chose this house for me to live in with Vallen.

I've put some security guards and domestic assistants here. So while the house has not been occupied will always be clean and gated.

Two security guards welcomed us and opened the gate so that the car we were riding in could enter. Vallen came down and looked at this house with a look of admiration. One day if he and I fail to unite, I will give this house to him. You guys must think I'm pessimistic and don't want to try to love her, right? But I'm sure you know, too, that love can't be forced.

"Let's go in. I want to show you the inside." I walked first, followed by Vallen. Because before I came I had a phone call, then the door of this house was open waiting for us to come.

Upon entering the living room, Vallen seemed fascinated by the luxury in it. The contents sparkle like a house that is commonly used for filming soap operas on television.

I showed you where the living room, living room, dining room and also the kitchen and two guest rooms are located on the first floor. Then we went up to the second floor. There are two main rooms.

"That's down there, that's your room later, and that one over there, that's my room. As per the agreement we agreed, we would not sleep in a room if either of us had not been comfortable. The one who is not ready is me. Do you mind?" I asked Vallen who seemed a little disappointed, maybe he was also remembering the letter of agreement that we both agreed. He and I will not sleep together, but separate in two different rooms.

"Don't we agree together? It means I accept everything. We should not be in one room, because I do not want you to be tormented and make your depression relapse. We both need time to adjust. I support whatever makes you comfortable" Vallen looked at me deeply. I can only apologize once again because I probably won't be able to treat her like a wife. But I wouldn't be as mean to her as in a Korean drama or an Indian movie. I will treat him well, like a friend.

"Thank you Vall, that's all I can say for your sincerity with me. Always trying to understand me, even though I know it won't be easy for you. I'm sorry I dragged you into my personal problems. I owe you so much. If we don't match up later, I hope you can find someone who can be your real husband, who can treat you like a wife" I looked back at him deeply. I feel very guilty, but whatever my day, I can't force my own feelings. I can only accept her presence as a friend.

"Shhhh.." Vallen put his index finger on my lips as a sign I can't talk anymore.

" You don't have to feel bad for me, I don't feel like I'm suffering through it all. At least, I will have a place to live, someone takes me to college and someone finances my education. Aren't we just using each other? So why do you feel guilty about me? I'm not asking you to love me or treat me like a wife. Because I also understand, doing something with forced results will not be good. Better we just enjoy everything, as good as we are in the introductory period like a young person, right?" Vallen carved a smile on his lips, I knew his smile was very sincere. Which woman wants to be like her? Spend some precious time living with men who have no love for her.

Maybe many think that she is just a matre girl who uses my money. But that's not true, I should have given him a place to live and a living expense for him. Isn't the job almost the same as a baby sitter? Everything I gave him was like a reward for his hard work.

"Thank you probably won't be able to pay for your sincerity, Vall. I owe you a lot. Hopefully one day I can repay you as you wish" I pat her head slowly. Then continue my steps to the third floor.

On the third floor, this is specifically for sports venues. Various sports equipment are there. There is also a biliard and tenpat karaoke and home theater.

"If you want to exercise, everything is here or later we can exercise together. The swimming pool is on the first floor. Hope you are comfortable, Vall with all the facilities in this house. I've also got one car for you in the garage. The car is in your name, you can wear it for anything"

"One more time, after we got married, I didn't limit your association. You can go anywhere with anyone, including with other guys, it doesn't matter to me"

"You can think of me as weird or anything. I don't care, I'm sure you understand, do you?" I looked at him again. He looked back at me with a smile like always.

"Thank you, Ndre. I understand and I gladly accept everything you have set. Once again I thank you," Vallen showed her respect for me. I really don't like this part. Because I look like a creepy cold guy.

"Then, let's go home. Before that, accompany me to lunch. You're hungry too, right?" I said gently. I don't want to hurt someone who's been so good to me.

"Ready, I'd like to accompany you anywhere. At least I'm your fiance, right?" Ask her with a wide smile. I just nodded surely as a form of my confession to this fake relationship of ours.