Mother to My Son

a lost heart

This morning I spent time with mixed feelings, there was a sense of annoyance, anger, disappointment, sadness, confusion after knowing the meaning of the dream last night and this morning.

Angry and upset is why I should be the wife of Mr. Reza, a man he never knew and until now did not give him a sense of security and comfort. Not about age, but about his attitude that likes to force and feel right alone that makes me not like being around him.

Sad that dream really made my emotions hit rock bottom. I lost my appetite. After eating 5 mouthfuls of rice and a few mouthfuls of vegetables I took medicine and laid my body on the bed, the desire to cry still continued to feel so that tears flowed without me noticing.

Confused what to do, accept this reality or try to forget all the dreams I had last night. Mama called me when I was crying earlier, she panicked to hear me crying loudly on the phone, until then heard the voice of the father who shouted “Hasna inhale…. If you are injured say yes.. if not injured say no now”.

With great difficulty I said no. Until finally dad said to just keep crying, don't disconnect the phone. For almost 5 minutes I cried and didn't stop until Mama told me to have a drink. From her voice I knew Mama was crying.

After drinking I can finally say that I'm better. Mama then said that now she was getting ready to go to Jakarta, and I was told to go to bed first now. Later when I wake up, Mama is already in Jakarta, said Mama. I can only say yes and apologize.

I finished the purchased rice and then tried to lay myself back down and tried to sleep. The body feels weak and weak, the head again feels dizzy and heavy. It wasn't until 10 minutes that I fell asleep.

At 11 I woke up, the body felt better, the headache was gone only the eyes felt heavy because it was mostly crying. I took my phone to read the messages. There's a message from Mama telling me she's on her way on the train and it'll be until 12:35.

There have also been several miss calls from Mbak Maytha, Mas Arya and Darth Vader. Why else is this on so many miss calls. Ah I'm lazy to talk to other people, the energy is thin again not ready to get any surprises today.

I saw again the incoming messages, Ma'am Maytha asked the condition and news that Miss Rica had a storm this morning with Ms. Arcy for not receiving a complaint report from our Division. He said he threatened to raise objections to the board of directors. It turns out she's a woman with guts.. I just smile “ah no matter what decision was issued no problem maybe better”

Mas Arya as usual just asked if the condition is good and offered help if you need something. He's not the type of gibah that pumps up a problem, it's good not to add drama.

Darth Vader asked if he was still in pain and offered food delivery. He asked what he wanted to eat? And because there was no answer he delivered a message sending rib soup from the cafeteria and sent by Pak Agus to be entrusted to the security guard.

I answered all the messages and said I was fine just need to rest and calm my mind. To Mr. Reza I just replied thank you, frankly I'm still in shock. I still feel depressed because of last night's dream.

The application from Mr. Reza had no meaningful impact on my thoughts and feelings, tending to be less caring. But the request from the woman who pushed Raina into my hands with the words “please Raina.. Please Raina” makes me feel powerless not to say no.

Seeing her cry trying to reach her son always made me tear up and shed tears. How sad it is when we cannot reach the one we love and we cannot do anything. What kind of dream is this…

I decided to go down to take the food that was entrusted to the security guard, it turned out that Mr. Tono Satpam already knew and immediately handed it to me. He also thanked me for being given a lunch ration as well along with a lunch break for me.

“How thoughtful he is” I thought. He often thinks selfishly only for himself without thinking about his impact on others, but often he does something good for others that most people rarely do.

It turns out that the lunch delivery is a lot, there is rib soup, hodgepodge and rempeyek as well. Hmm I think this is the one who ordered Mr. Aswin because if he who ordered impossible plus hodgepodge and rempeyek, he already knows that I usually only eat 1 type of food. It's nice to be eaten with mom, now you'll be at the station.

Just mama send a message to share loc so you can order ojek online.  Happy to embrace Mama.

It wasn't until 30 minutes when I heard a knock on the door and Mama came straight in. His expression seemed filled with worry but could still smile.

I hugged Mama and came back crying. Surprisingly, these tears are not exhausted even though from this morning they have been crying continuously. A record that needs to be recorded is crying for hours.

Mama immediately saw my face and crinkled to see the plaster in the temple.

“This is why” said while pressing temple

“Aduuuh.. Don't be pressured oruh Ma.. sick” said I grimaced.

Finally I told you everything that happened, starting from Mr. Reza who pulled me into his car, the chatter from the staff at the office and the last showdown with Ms. Arcy.

Mama looked at me with a look I had a hard time explaining.

“You are like participating in a drama on tea tv, this is not a prank-prank event and rich Atta Halilintar gitu” said Mama

I immediately bengong, mama kok update once tv show to know all prank events.

“Mama I have a serious story.how the hell, the time to be thrown the same where the iron pen is considered prank.. I've been buzzing the brains of kali” said I was upset

“So you cry because of this? When you were in SD born the same boy did not cry even to jontor even his nangis” children continued Mama

“Bukaaaaan... I'm not okay just upset just can't reply crazy woman” replied me.. ih Mama also no sense of empathy-that ngeliat her son persecuted.

“I cry gegara dream after I pray istiqarah, Mr. Reza continues to ask me to consider his proposal yesterday, finally I pray istiqarah ask for instructions with Allah” said I

Then I told her about all those dreams, and of course if I told her about that woman who was crying I followed her crying and told her and I thought Mama was crying to see me cry.

“Akuuuu takuuut Mamaaaaa whaaaaaaa... I did not miss a marriage with himaa…. But I'm the same secret of the woman and the same crying child in the closet.” I cried while hugging Mama.

“Why is the child crying in the back of the closet……. Why is there no one else who nemenin…. Why also must cover his mouth when nangiss…. Not a child if the cry is noisykkkkk”

“I tuuuuuh seeeediiiiihhhhhh..... Maaamaaaaaaa” and I came back crying loudly. Unimaginable neighbors of the room heard me cry that hard.

Mama only rubs her back and occasionally rubs my tears. His eyes were wet with tears. I don't know if Mama was crying because she heard my story or because I was crying to the point of hiccups.

Mama took the water and drank it herself, she looked pensive and then saw me still sobbing sitting on the carpet.

“Minum... do not cry continuously ah... Your eyes later can not be opened again puffiness”.

“So already swollen, now cry hard again..later security guard who under her suspect you tortured again with Mama”.

“Biarin... I do not know anyone next to” answered me while sobbing..

“Iya indeed but it is not good also for Teteh, sad tuh may but reasonable.. earlier this morning was so grim now still cry loudly too…. Teteh already bigger it turns out more and more crybaby..more champion SD” time said Mama with a smile.

“Teteh must how Maaaa” asked me confused

“Eat the cake first yuk, Mama bought the cake was fitting at the station buy the favorite potato croquettes Teteh, the same Bakwan shrimp meni gede very big.

Mama had most of all shifted my mind definitely to food, seeing my favorite croquet instantly I forgot the feeling of sadness earlier. Duh must be sad first turned out to be able to eat favorite foods.

“Drink anget tea well? Do not drink the cold if the condition of the body is rich in gini.. Have you taken your medicine yet?” ask Mama

I shook my head, my mouth full of croquettes.

“Ma.. it is sop iga, hodgepodge the same rempeyek... the rice is a lot there are 2 packs... Mama has not eaten” said I showed lunch supplies sent by Mr. Reza.

“Where did you buy this? Your eyes are so swollen.. No shame out of the house last” Mama saw lunch at the table

“Sent by Mr. Reza, was signed to the security guard under”, I said while chewing bakwan

Mama looked at the food at the table and looked at me, She sighed and then sat down in front of me.

“Teteh is calm now? Mama would like to say that it is calm”

“Teteh get the dream after the prayer istiqarah, know what it means?”

I just kept quiet while scavenging for Mama's cake.

“That means God has given the answer to the question that Teteh asked Him”

“Teteh ask what is the same God when praying Istiqarah?” ask Mama

“Yah ask to be given instructions for the problems faced teteh” replied me

“What's the problem?”

“Bingung must answer what about the application of Mr. Reza” replied me

“Trus answer from what dream?” ask mama again

“Teteh nolongin his son Pak Reza, mgebawa he took a boat” answered me

“That means what?” ask Mama

I just kept quiet, lazy to answer it, still not ready to answer the question.

“Teteh already know that Allah is All-Knowing of what we do not know”

“And there is a verse in the Qur’an “ You may hate something good for you and you like something that is really not good for you, Allah is All-Knowing of what we do not know”

“Currently maybe Teteh hates Mr. Reza but if God has given instructions for Teteh to receive Mr. Reza means there is good that Mr. Reza will bring to Teteh”

“Perhaps because the existence of teteh will bring good to his family…. For himself, Mr. Reza.even for Teteh himself and our family, maybe even his kindness for the company of Mr. Reza who is also the company where teteh work kan” continued Mama at length.

“Teh we must remember.. The best of humans is the most beneficial to other humans”

“Mama think Teteh already understand and often do that, Teteh is active in many activities and must have felt the happiness of contributing to others”

I just sighed, actually I already know what Mama explained but there is a sense of injustice must accept this reality.

“Tea lessons if you feel upset and disappointed to be married to a man who has had a family and his age is far above the teteh. That's also what Mama felt the time to tell the story before going to Bandung”

“But when Mama saw Maura who was very tacky, seeing Rain who was very happy to learn guitar with Teteh, Mama felt that she had done her duty as a mother, Mama said, to educate Teteh to be a good woman, Mama was happy to see the children happy and looked happy with the others.

“Pak Reza also looks happy to see teteh, several times Mama saw him continue to glance at the lyrics teteh, but still looks awkward and does not dare to be free. Maybe he is aware of his shortcomings in his age and status” Mama continued

“Iyaaa.. I understand... I understand .” I replied.

“I understand, I just need Mama to make me...”.

“If Mama feels it's the best way I follow…. I want to learn sincerely.. do not know how... later also like the mind and kelewatin”.

"Thank you Mama" I said as I hugged Mama

　

“Nahhh gitu dong .. new this Mama's son.. “ Mama hugged me very tightly and rubbed my hair…. Mama is the best …. Peeeyuuuukkkk

　

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I dedicate this episode to all Mama, Mother, Mother, Umi, Ema, Mamih and Maknyak who spend their time taking care of their children to become useful people. May all the prayers that are poured out every day for the child and his family be granted by Allah swt, all his tiredness becomes lillah so that it becomes a charity that becomes a provision in the hereafter. Remain a happy mother by rewarding ourselves. A happy mother brings happiness to her family. Don't forget to be happy.... Don't forget to vote, like and comment... This time the stage is not up-rising.... Atulaaa... Love u all pajna

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