Mother to My Son

mega Rescue 1

Hasna PoVs

I feel at the lowest point in life, I think everyone has experienced the feeling of being down like now. Learning about psychology did not make me have immunity in emotions. Only now do I understand why anyone has thoughts to suicide because of despair and uncertainty in his life. As I experienced

All the pride that I consider to be part of the identity of the lost self is blown away unceremoniously. Cap as Women of the Rolling Cup, Women Do not Know Shame, Women who are Not Valuable so can not be compared with his Wife, as low as I was in his eyes, so, when I said I loved the man and foolishly revealed it to him when he saw me as a worthless woman.

I just came from an ordinary family, to get expensive items need time by collecting rupiah for rupiah, buying a new car takes up to several years, he said, buying branded clothes is not because of the desire to look fashionable but because usually branded clothes are more durable. But it doesn't make us worthless, ordinary people like other families happy with the capain they have.

It took me up to two days until these tears receded, there was no way I could go home, Dad would definitely be devastated by my circumstances, Mama will definitely hurt because from the beginning Mama did not agree, worried that later in the end I will be hurt and it turns out to be true. It is impossible to complain to Brother Angga who knows what he will do if he hears the swearing mentioned by Mas Reza.

What strengthens me to survive in this house is only Maura, every morning always faithfully making milk and bread, sometimes bringing fried rice and other foods. Not forgetting to keep a juice drink like a mother who will leave her child to go to work because she has to go to school. The rain always forced her to go into the room, she with cynical words said that she was not a child who could be lied to like Maura, I could only hang on for the most reasonable reason when it came to getting the flu.

The third day I finally decided to start controlling myself and get out of the room, especially since Maura, the sadness started to hurt from not being able to hug her. He brought blankets and pillows to the front door, he said he wanted a camper in front of my room. Tell me about her activities at school, ask me to tell her stories from a storybook, or just eat a cake together with a confined door to the room.

I braced myself to come out, the glasses and masks that Mas Aswin bought really helped, I am very grateful he is indeed a man of understanding. When I saw Mas Reza it seemed that he did not dare to take a step closer, I just did not need to talk to him much. Every time he saw his face the pain felt throbbing in his chest. He looked like a mediocrity, leaving for work as usual did not make him affected in life.

But why do I feel smaller and insignificant in this relationship, why every look on his face I feel like a person who has no value. Yes I am just a woman who takes good care of her children, can be used to fulfill her desires, I have been given money so I have to be grateful by maintaining behavior. Don't expect to have the same value as his wife, she's too precious in his eyes, I don't have the attitude of being a good woman. All those thoughts kept raging, every time I saw a picture of Mitha in the children's room I wanted to cry, for the first time in six months of marriage I didn't want to see a picture of the woman.

Finally I decided to reduce my activities in this house, reducing all dependence and attachment to this house. Last night I started browsing about male and female relationships, how exactly a woman should behave with a man who keeps repeatedly hurting her heart. Until a discussion about toxic relations that poison a person.

Relationships that transform a person into a dwarf because of the words expressed by a partner as a form of dissatisfaction with his partner. Hahaha, I am indeed different from Mitha but whether because of that difference makes me the wrong person. And that was all answered when Mas Reza forced his way into the room, he expected me to give a warm welcome as he wanted to have intercourse.

He easily accused me of being nice to others but not to him. Man is a social creature, he will meet others, whether because he is married then can no longer meet and socialize with the opposite sex. I have said many times that I know the responsibilities and roles of a wife but what can be expected from a person who always thinks negatively she keeps repeating the same accusations, apologizing, apologizing, accuse me again, apologize and lastly call me the Grail Cup.

It's time for me to set boundaries, I need time to think clearly. With this pregnancy I can't make decisions just for myself. I have to protect my feelings so as not to fall again like yesterday, the emotions of a pregnant mother will be felt by the baby in her stomach. Although I have not felt anything but a constant feeling of dizziness and weakness but I have to take responsibility for the creatures that grow inside my body.

The only person who can be invited to discuss neutrally is only Ammera, and as usual she is an emotional woman who will immediately take action before thinking first.

“I don't accept” he was immediately inflamed when telling me about the dispute I had in the office.

“You don't want to go back to that house I'm not ridho, just plain rich to insult others. You don't want to be treated like that. He must have atoned for his guilt by giving you a gift right?” Ammera looked at me sharply.

I just smiled, didn't agree or shook my head. That's not the problem now given any gifts now my feelings are difficult to recover as usual. Even though I was not given a gift, I always tried to understand it. But now that I feel unworthy to be his wife, every time I get close to him I feel like I'm shrinking and insignificant.

Finally Ammera approves all thoughts about stabilizing emotions and calming down first, Next week is a plan of a comparative study visit to Japan the perfect time to refresh all feeling pressure with a new atmosphere.

“But you are pregnant Hasna, if you can take a plane if you are pregnant” Ammera looks confused.

“I've been browsing, it is not a problem for a pregnant woman to board a plane as long as her body condition is healthy, so I need you to nemenin me” I tried to convince Ammera, Ammera, this is my last chance to get away from the emotion and calm my mind.

“To the doctor first, Aunt I'm a gynecologist, but the place where she practices is far away. If you want just a discussion we can check your condition, only if you want to check completely must to the hospital dia” Ammera finally need to convince himself first, first, he said he did not want anything unwanted to happen during the trip.

Finally I had my first checkup with the doctor, when we arrived, all the equipment was being calibrated so that it could not undergo examination at the USG, and it turns out the results are good even though I can not make an estimate of pregnancy because I forgot when the last menstruation. The doctor allowed to follow the comparative study during the trip I should not forget to move and walk while on the plane. Do not forget to be given vitamins and should eat well.

I decided to find a new place to live, which I could use to move so that I would no longer hang quietly in Mas Reza's house. The house is identical with Mama Mitha I will continue to feel like a second person there. The old boarding place I can't occupy is too many people know. With Ammera I managed to find a new place that made me a complete human being, in this place I became an individual again to become a Hasna Humaira again. In this place I began to be able to take a quiet nap, my feelings began to feel stable, the food I swallowed began to taste sweet and salty again unlike yesterday was bitter.

Finally the long-awaited week came, all the preparations were well-designed. I don't know what God's plan is, so when I have to go to Japan, Mas Reza must be on duty out of town. I felt that luck was on my side, keeping the fetus in my stomach, keeping Maura protected and asking for understanding from Rain. With the more stable my emotional condition makes my physical strength stronger and I believe the fetus in my body is also getting stronger, just how to keep Maura protected as long as I leave. The only person I could ask for help was Mama Isna.

When I told him about the plan for a week's study, Mama immediately agreed to help, I didn't tell him about the dispute or the pregnancy, just Ammera who knows. For Mama Isna her daughter-in-law Reza is a man who always has a good attitude and I don't want to tarnish her thoughts. Mama Isna's guilt for not being able to support Mama Mitha to continue her studies made her fully supportive of all my college plans. He assured me that it would be more difficult for me to move and achieve all my ideals if I already had children, I just smiled he did not know that I was pregnant at this time.

Now just convince Rain so he can understand that this is the path I take for the common good. That night I arranged for Maura to stay with Mama Isna so that tomorrow I could leave without crying and thwart all the plans that had been designed.

“Kaka... tonight Buna want to sleep with you yaa” said after we finished eating.

“Why is Buna scared because we're the only two at home? There is Mbak Jumi and her sodaranya live in the pavilion kok” the boy always teases me.

“Hmmm anyone wants Buna to tell me the same you” I replied while carrying water and milk in the glass.

“Buna now really diligently drink milk, early in the morning the same night always drink milk” He turned out to pay attention to my new activity.

“Heheheh let his bones be strong and his soul more healthy.he said drinking chocolate milk makes us happier” I replied origin, there is no way I answer that this is milk for pregnant women.

I saw Rain finish the assignment and prepare a book for school tomorrow, actually why Mitha forced me to look after this child, because what I saw was that he became independent and reliable.

“You want Buna to sleep here?” I asked, he smiled immediately

“Indeed Buna want? Usually always sleep with Maura” apparently he also wants me to sleep only always lose voice with Maura.

“Kaka if later High School will certainly be a lot of upperclassmen who like, because kaka beautiful and high” said me while wiping his hair.

“I don't want High School in Jakarta.. I want to go to school in Bandung rich Buna with Om Emran and Om Angga” answer is short. I smiled apparently Emran managed to influence this child.

“I want to go to ITB to enter Om Angga's rich architecture, I want to picture rich Om Angga” I don't think Kak Angga has become a Rain idol.

“You do not want to enter business school so that you can nerusin a rich company Papi and Abab” he immediately shook his head.

“I don't really like meeting people, I like doing things myself, I like to, make the work and realize the work but I'm not sure I can do it” this child is introverted and has idealism.

“Kaka certainly can .. In the past Buna was also like Kaka always believed and believed the same ability Buna... everyone believed that Buna could do what Buna wanted”.

“Buna has a story about Eagle” she instantly looks at me with a frown.

“I am not Maura who must be given a fairy tale before bed” I immediately laughed.

“This is not a bedtime story but a story about chasing my dream” replied as he wiggled his face.

“Gini story...One day an eagle egg fell from the nest, fortunately the egg did not break, a Parent Chicken who found it took and took care of the egg with his other eggs. The mother hen raises him like any other chick, feeds him and treats him like a chicken so that the eagle boy and the other chicks feel like he's a chicken too”

“Until one day he saw an Eagle fly and pass by, the eagle said “I can also fly like the eagle” the other chick laughs “hahahah we are chickens we can not fly, can not fly, we foraging on the ground have not much to dream” and it happens continuously until finally the eagle thinks that he is a chicken and will never be able to fly”

“Kaka Rain is an eagle that grows in the nest of Eagle, everyone is sure that Kaka can fly and cross the earth with sturdy Kaka wings. Brother must be sure that Buna will help” hug this child always gives strength.

“But Buna would like to ask for help with Kaka” I took a breath thinking of an analogy that I can make for a child of Rain age.

“Buna used to be a powerful eagle, always confident of being able to fly and traverse all the continents and islands of the world.. Until Buna perched on this nest in the house of Kaka. Papi was a very strong and powerful Eagle. Together with Papi makes Buna feel like a small eagle can no longer fly and always broken its wings so that Buna feels that Buna is only a chicken that can no longer fly” and tears have been it began to gather in my eyes, although trying to be held back but still flowing. I moved my head over Rain's head and rested there so that the lightning boy wouldn't see me shedding tears.

“Buna worries about not being able to make Kaka a great Eagle if Buna feels like he is just a chicken. In order to make Kaka and Ade a great Eagle like Papi, Buna must be a strong Eagle as well, an eagle whose wings do not break easily, eagle whose body is large so that if there is a big wind Buna can control themselves not carried away by the wind”. I silently wiped her tears. The rain is silent and poring.

“Buna is not happy with Papi” short tanya.

“Buna's greatest pleasure is meeting you, and you are there because of Papi and Mami Mitha, and Buna is grateful for that”

“Buna tomorrow want to go study appeal to Japan, Buna want to be able to learn to flap the wings of Buna again, is this broken wing can still be used... Brother is okay Buna just stay away?” I had to tell you about this departure plan. Only rain can I count on in this house.

“How long?” suddenly Rain looked at my face and saw tears flowing.

“The study of his appeal one week” answered me quickly, and the boy suddenly laughed.

“Hahahaha Buna-buna.. I guess I want to go long a year rich first Papi... a week? Hahahaha Buna is rich who wants to go long until crying so” he still laughs to see my sad face.

“Heheheh Buna lebay well.. Kaka can help later accompany Ade yaah?” I asked expectantly.

“Ada Iyang certainly will accompany, and Papi will also exist, from the first Maura always nempel same Papi” he immediately poured himself back.

“Buna will make a series of stories for ade, later if you want to hear the sound of Buna, Kaka please play the recording and play the video just yaa” I asked him.

“Let's call, don't bother. Just filled with international packages that many ask for the same Papi” he does not seem to want to take a headache.

“Hmmm just in case Maura cries and Buna can't be contacted, you can turn it around. Kaka also if there is anything to love Buna news with yah” email I try to persuade him.

“Ahhhh later Buna just call do not bother.. Don't be sad one week not long, Buna will know it's time to go home to Indonesia. Don't be sad rich little boy like that” He immediately enveloped himself, he immediately enveloped himself, he's the coolest kid I know in history.

“Im sorry Buna yaaah... have not been able to be a good mother to Kaka and Maura” I hug her with a heart full of haru, somehow it is felt also by my stomach fetus that feels vibrating… apparently he felt Kakanya who had a strong nature.

That night was quiet.The last night I slept in this house.

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every problem faced by women, always banged with religious values and rules. I am a person who tries to abide by the rules of religion, but I also always try to understand why the rules are made and in what cases they appear. The question that arises is when a rule clashes with one's happiness. Which should come first, obey the rules or happiness of the heart. The comments that appear in each story, I understand that everyone will have a rational answer, but try to learn to understand that everyone's condition is different. Do not judge someone from our point of view, but understand from the point of view of others as well. Thus my serious comment to the detergent all you guys. hehehe do not let the emotions ntar immunity is reduced.

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