Married to My Own Gus
Know wulan
Indirectly I really miss Dad, everything about him. I feel a longing so heavy. I've only been here twenty-two days I've been here, not even a month I'm here, but I feel like I've been here a long time. Wanting to run away in various ways I have done, and of course found out, a lot of money that I have made, just for the sake of hope that I was released, and of course found out, a lot of money that I have made, just for the sake of hope that I was released, but reality is not as beautiful as wishful thinking.I am still here, maybe Allah SWT did tell me and predestine me for eternity here?
I'm here to make a troublemaker, then in the outgoing.se simple it's my thinking first, but in fact it's not, today I'm still here, I miss Dad, if I according to him, I think, I'm gonna stay in school there, with my friends soak, tell stories, eat together, skip together, I miss my delinquents out there, if I'm naughty at the law no, no, everything will end up forgiving each other and fine, really simple even very simple, but here? everything is not simple, for me all weird there is no way out at all.
Is that just my thinking or is it really like that? if the boarding school is not good, all in the bridle, can not be free, all arranged, really boring, is not it?
School and life outside are different here. If I make a troublemaker then the punishment seems to wait for me, dancing in front of my eyes, as if he was preparing to yell at me tightly and very warmly, dating is the same punishment?, he he he he.
The punishment I receive every day makes me tired of troublemaking, when I am 'rogue' then as if all of that is back to attack me, I decide while this passes fine, let the punishment stay away from me for a while, let the punishment stay away from me, I want to breathe a sigh of relief, although every day it feels like life is forced here, but if there is no punishment, I think everything is better. Don't you think??
The words of Ustadzah Aini are a little true, I will try for a while, I want to feel a little calm.
I am indeed songong, but I never forget I will be obliged to Allah SWT for worship, for me prayer is always the top priority. When I still did not enter the boarding school I never left the prayer, although I never wanted to if asked Dad to pray together.
Said the father and Almh. mother at that time" Prayer is the pillar of religion, if it has entered the prayer time then try to immediately do it, pray that we are as Muslims and true Muslims" those words I always remember.
The usual prayers I do alone in the cottage I've started jama'ah, even in the last row, the last yaps. I will just enter the mushollah, if Nyai's mother comes, unlike other santri wati who have been waiting for Nyai's mother in the mosque since the Adhan, there are those who read the Qur'an, There are those who memorize Alfiyah, some are sleepy but keep their wudhunya and want to pray in the front row, I come last, behind alone.
For me as long as I'm not going to be punished, that's enough for me, no punishment it's been a breath of relief that I feel, for a while of course.
"You're crying" as usual Wulan came nice, like an angel she's beautiful in today, she's wearing a sarong and a loose shirt, what she's wearing has become the identity of a Santri.
Sarongs are often synonymous with the name Santri, as if it is a symbol of luxury for them. Sarong is santri, and Santri is sarong, right??
When I was first here, I didn't have any sheaths. Wulan was the one who first lent me her sarongs, but I did not want to and for Santri wati new mamang not forced.
But it's been a while here I've been forced to buy two sneakers, I don't have money to buy much, anyways I won't be here long for what to buy many sarongs.
Again and again Wulan was the one who taught me how to have a good "glove", I who had never worn a sarong in my entire life, I didn't have a "breakfast" for the first time.
"I Miss My Father" I cried as much and the first time I felt weak and needed friends, I hugged Wulan tightly, there was no shame and songonga that I was afraid of, I really just need a friend.
"You're a lot of friends, lan but why do you always pay attention and always care about me?!" I slid my arms at Wulan and tried to smile like Wulan used to do to me and her other friends.
"Actually everyone here is good, all the Santri wati Pondok Pesantren Nurul Huda, they want you to change, so santri wati better, when you look, they certainly do not dare to greet you, he said, they only dare to smile at you" I smiled to myself hearing Wulan's words, I've started to feel ashamed now with all the behavior and the wanderlust I deliberately made.
"I'm sorry, Lan..! If you knew Lan, I really wanted to get out of here, I don't want to be here, all that I did on purpose just because, I can't stand to stay here, I want to get out of here" I cried again, and Wulan just looked at me in wonder.
"You don't want to change?!" wulan's question I don't know what to answer.
"Come away!" answers that cannot be accounted for.
"And do you know? when you're dablek, I'm the one who's very worried about you, I'm actually very sorry for you, I see you just can't bear it!" Wulan looked down. I know Wulan is sincere, I can feel from the words he said
"Then why don't you nail me ?!" I tried to guess his heart.
"The rules are the same, if the punishment can not be completed at that time, then the punishment will be doubled, and so on and so on even if, there is something to help then the punishment will not be reduced, the punishment will not be reduced, even the punishment will increase, I feel sorry for you, I care about you, I don't want you to take all your punishment more seriously" Wulan explained solemnly, I can digest his words well.
"You know the meaning of gratitude" Wulan asked again and again my pretentious soul appeared.
"I don't care,.lan, I just want to get out of here, I miss my freedom, I miss my friends, if 'bad' people have to be with 'rogue' people it just fits" I left Wulan..Because I'm grateful, I don't want to know and don't want to know, maybe for now.I don't know!!
Gratitude that should always be in every human being, which can make life more prosperous.
Gratitude grows, if a person is more grateful, then he will feel happier, and vice versa. People who are never grateful will always be sorry, like me???
