Married to My Own Gus
What is guidance?
I have decided to change, to change for myself, not because of others, but because of my own will, not because of the coercion of others, or the hope for others.
In this world I have no one, there is only my father, the only family I have, he wants me to change, from the past, but I always tell me myself, I wouldn't want to change if it wasn't for my own.
"Dad wants you to accept the truth. I know that if you turn into a cruel girl like a brute, maybe because you feel lonely, emptiness in living your life after Alm. Mother left us for good." Dad spoke at dinner together at the time, even though I wanted to speak the truth at the time, but I preferred to be quiet and hide my own heart wound, lonely and maybe not yet the feeling of letting go of the Man I love the most left me forever.
"Know, I'm fine," I spoke in a tone that I really made up, because honestly I hid my tears in my mouth.
"Eat a lot". Daddy's smile that never goes away, even though I never mess with him.
"Eat what?. side dishes are just this anyway" I still song and grin even though I feel very appetizing, I don't know every time I feel sad, my appetite goes up many times.
"Dad wants you to change. Do'a Dad never broke up for you son, you're the trust God gave us, even though I'm alone in educating you now, and sometimes I feel you're a rebellious kid, but it's a challenge for Dad to be able to make yourself a straight sholikah woman. Do'a Father may Allah give you Taufiq and guide you immediately" Father spoke long, so that the rice and everything on the dinner table had moved into my stomach.
"Amen...Aamiin O God, let me be satisfied, my heart a little relieved of fullness" I spoke without any intention, just let me be happy.
I decided to go into the room, cry as much as I could, without knowing where I could tell, who would listen to the complaints and emptiness that I felt.
Sometimes if there are people who are outside in the value of others are delinquents, happy-happy, orakan, songong, and others of the like it is not because they are really happy, it is not because they are really happy, but they try to cover up the hurt and get disappointed, they just want to look happy, but there's a lot of loneliness and suffering they feel, I know that's what I'm going through.
And maybe now the Do'a-prayer Father began to be granted by God.I make sure I will change, willing to study diligently and really, the intention to seek knowledge and eliminate ignorance, pray always worshipers, worshipers, being a good santri wati, submissive and submissive with all the hut associations, smiling, trying to be good to all other santri wati, polite, will not be troublemaking. I make sure that now I have been determined to choose to change into a better human being, again if I change this is not because of others, all this I do purely from the heart. God knows my true intentions.
"Truly crafts, surely because the pilgrims in Gus Baha' imami yes" many friends who tease me, because now I've been willing to mingle with them, from the first they are very good with me, because now I've been willing to mingle with them, from the first they were very good with me, but I'm the one who's song and always makes a troublemaker, even though they're always nice and smile when they meet me anywhere and anytime, now when I change they look so happy.
"Son, no" I said as necessary, to I was not too close to them, there was still a sense of awkwardness and still a feeling of reluctance to share cheerfulness with all of them.
"My-my-my, let's do it" Fatiyah continued to tease, I already know a lot about them especially when it comes to names, I have memorized all their names.
"Gus Baha' can change everything yes" Dyah beautiful girl dimpled who said cirebon people
"Gus Baha'" When they called that name my heart was really pounding, feeling very gerogi, there was a sense of happiness but somehow it just came, like that, but honestly I though he is my first love and my sincere love but I do not want, if I change is the cause of him. I don't want to change for others, including just because of Gus Baha' who I realize that he's not necessarily going to have me.
"Ngawur" I said with a big smile, I really love that perfect man but I changed not because of him.
"Lha kok can, santri wati sesongong you turn completely into santri wati idol" Dyah ngocheh again and always style like a detective who is ready to interrogate me as a suspect.
