Married to My Own Gus
heartfelt love
I'm not sure if Gus Baha' will love me. I don't know why my heart and mind only have his name, if from his looks he's super duper handsome but that's not it, in the past many men outside the cottage I met were more handsome and more charming than him, even many handsome men who dared to invite me to date I refused them all, he said, if I can say big zero, my love is not because of her clean white face and skin but because I am an ordinary woman, though rancid but I take great care of my feminine honor.
My love is sincere without blemish, though I know that I will be disappointed, but I cannot be hypocritical, lying to myself as if this feeling never existed, I could feel a great vibe even though I only heard someone say his name.
"Later in imami Gus Baha' again you know" Santri wati sweet who sat next to my seat.
"Alhamdulillah" the others chimed in
"why is alhamdulillah? is there anything special?!"
"I'll tell you that those who pray dzuhor will pray the congregation so that no one gets Takzir, how the hell are you"
"It is impossible that if Gus Baha' who became a priest there will be santri wati who missed, of course all at the first shof designation"
"Astaghfirullahal adzim o Allah, why do you think of something in vain si, know why your purpose here right"
"Yes you know but don't be pretentious dong Fa" I heard, either the Fa is his name whoever I don't know.
"Oh Allah, do not misunderstand me friends, if I intend to go to the boarding school Nurul Huda wants to find knowledge and understanding of religion that much, learn, study, trying to be a better person, all are intent on seeking knowledge, obedient parents in order to be devoted to them, while in the world even if they are gone, never regretting the world to the Hereafter"
"As far as you fa, you're good with fa"
"It's not good-natured, but I just want to be better, and so do you, your parents, want to see you as their pride in the world, and able to be their helpers and saviors in the Hereafter with all your actions and knowledge"
It is not a secret and something that is considered taboo, all already know, if in the boarding school a Gus is the idol of all santri wati, all know, as if all are competing to be lucky to be made a companion of their Gus life, but clearly if it is just a mere walk, and just an encouragement they live life in the boarding house, pesantren, because it is not wrong if most even all the Sangri wati will be disappointed, the fantasy of marrying Gus himself is something that is impossible and will never happen.
When at school I always sit with the sweet santri wati, but I do not sreg if I have to talk just pleasantries or invite acquaintances, he either always invites me to smile but I do not care, all here arrange seating for school is not our choice as a santri wati, but arranged by the respective homeroom, respectively, I was told to sit with the santri wati that I said was sweet because he was famous for being good, smart, polite, and not stingy to help his friend.
But I just err, songong, told to sit next to the outstanding santri wati, the homeroom teacher hopes that I can be better, can catch up on lessons, can follow others, can follow others, but I wasted it all, bukak asked about lessons or anything about science, I was being arrogant and did not want to know about the sweet sweet sweet santri wati kind hearted.
"Why you?!"
"I'm fine" I replied nervously, the words of Gus Baha' coming out of all of them somehow blinded my blood flowing warmly, my heart beating violently, my heart beating violently, my breath that goes up and down without any apparent cause, all seems to flow without my own control.
This is the real love, I have only met Gus the perfect twice, but the first time I fell in love with him was the first time I saw him, if he wasn't the son of the owner of the lodge it would have been easier for me to get. I'm a rancid but not an ugly woman, my face is not only beautiful but also sweet, clean skin, tall, slim, many men are always fascinated when they all see me, she said, but why first see me can immediately fall in love, more seriously he is not a random person, the son of the owner of the boarding school, the only heir to the throne, his knowledge should not be doubted, akhlaq and the courtesy he has is so complete, he can be seen from the outside perfectly from the inside is incredible.
Then why would I fall in love with her? I want to cry to feel my stupidity and stupidity, I can't control my own heart, I know where to open the door of my heart is too easy.
O Allah.. I forgot if it was you who gave it, you who grew it. If I could choose for sure I prefer to fall in love with ordinary men, although not perfect but at least I'm easier to reach and get it, not the perfect boy the owner of the perfect cottage outside and inside.
The taste is there, it just appears, it is present without inviting, it is present without consent, it is present to whom it is, it is in love with the human nature. God created it, love is holy if anyone is tainted or hurt it is not because of love, but the personal of each owner of love.
"I love you sincerely without cause, unconditionally, though from the beginning I knew, if my love was too far away to reach you, too light to refute you, too small to embrace you. But one thing I do know, if this feeling is strange, makes me so happy even if just hearing your name, my love is unconditionally sincere, would you give me a chance to open my heart for me to enter'i"
A message that I wrote expressed my feelings and my heart, the feelings that I was now feeling, somehow the fate of the writing, dare I give my writing to the charmers of my heart, I am, or I'll just keep it in the best place, as proof of the journey of my life and love,
