Blue Rose
Choosing to Surrender
I want to go back to that time, when I only need to cry when wetting my bed, when I only have to shed tears when I want something.
- Selly Anandita
---
The gurgling sound of water running through the tap dominates the kitchen space of Selly's rented house. The girl washes their dinnerware painstakingly. Piling it on the side shelf of the sink, then drying your hands with a rag hanging on the refrigerator door.
Selly walked over to her mother who was still sitting on the living room carpet. “Mothers aren't tired all day?”
Dita smile. “Nanggung, sweetheart, any minute, yes.”
There was no response from Selly, the girl just stared at the half-finished piece of clothing on her mother's lap with a blank look. Make Dita distract him.
“Why, Son? Any problems?”
Selly blinked, then turned to look at Dita. “Mother ... still comfortable staying here?”
Dita was stunned, that one question was a sign, a gesture that they might have to move on. Looking for a new home and starting a new life. They were already very memorized, no need for a lengthy explanation. Nomadic life has become a habit.
“When, Son? Mom will prepare everything.” The hoarseness in Dita's voice was enough to describe the state of the heart, channeling the same to Selly. The girl's eye pellets condensed, starting to blush around her pupils.
Dita's hand is outstretched, touching Selly's cheek. Then the two hit each other, sharing heart language through a hug. Selly sobbed on her mother's shoulder. Tears flooded, ran down his cheeks to his chin, and fell on his mother's clothes.
“Sorry Selly, Mom,” she said on the sidelines crying.
Dita shaking. “Not wrong you son, not.”
“Should have Sally horrified said Mother.” Trouble the girl let out a sound, racing with sobs. “Should, Sel-ly do not need jatu-h cin-ta.”
“Sshh ...” Dita unraveled the embrace, staring fixedly at her daughter who was covered in tears. “Falling in love is not wrong, son, what needs to be addressed is how we react to it.”
“But Selly is wrong, Bu.” Sally pressed her chest with a fist, feeling a deep tightness. “But Selly should have liked Rey, shouldn't Selly be in touch with her.”
Selly remember, in the past when he was a teenager, Dita often advised not to easily agree to the invitation of men, so that he kept his distance from the creatures berakun.
“Mom won't, you repeat Mother's mistake. Enough Mother who is stupid and covered in sins.”
But what Selly has done, lulled with the figure of Rey Atmaja. Carry on the euphoria of momentary pleasure, only to sink deeper. Selly curses herself, who was once very selfish, wanting the man just for her. He forgets, Rey also has parents, who of course want the best for her. Like Dita who hopes there is a sincere man who loves his son.
Dita let out a long sigh, her hands outstretched rubbing Selly's cheeks. Heart business is so complicated. It could be that what the heart expects is sometimes not in accordance with logic.
“Don't be disappointed, if it is a mate, there will be a way for you.” Dita pulled her daughter's body into an embrace, landing a kiss on the top of the girl's head while chanting a prayer to the Most Loving. Allow her daughter to be happy, without having to stumble over her past.
Long enough they hugged, with a sob that could not be held. Hope after this relief will greet, expel tightness in the chest.
***
This morning Selly was surprised by the presence of Bagas. He was almost fooled, confused to guess the man Bagas or his twin Nice, if not paying attention to the top of his lips. Good has a mole under the nose, while Bagas is absent.
“Rey why?” Selly's feelings turned bad, did something happen to the man?
Bagas tinkering with the phone, then snuggle on Selly. The photo of the person they were talking about was plastered on the screen, Rey was struggling with her PS console, looking very concentrated.
“This..?” Sally frowned, not understanding Bagas's intentions.
The man turned his head, leaning against the pillar of the house. “Rey has never been like this before.” The man's netra glared. “The night he did not sleep, did not eat, did not even drink.” the roar of his breath Bagas changed a little faster. “She even seems deaf, ignoring us. He just focused on the screen, keep repeating the game every time he loses.”
Taking a deep breath, Bagas neutralized his emotions, staring at Selly who was looking down deeply. “Gue doesn't know what happened to you guys, but please..,” Bagas paused his sentence, waiting for Selly to turn to him. “Don't play Rey to fall for her first love.”
The clear liquid passed through Selly's increasingly thin cheeks, how often has she been shedding tears lately? If his cheeks were sandy soil, it would have already formed a notched path.
“Never once.” Sally wiping eyelids, “Terbersit desire to play Rey, or hurt her.”
“In fact, you confessed it Cell!” For Bagas, Rey is not just a friend, but a brother to be guarded and protected. Since her mother died, their family allowed Rey to consider Bagas and Bagas' mother as her parents as well. He knows how strong Rey is, he understands how close friends have been since childhood. Now that the man had turned zombie-like, Bagas could not just remain silent.
Selly nodded in understanding, he knew he was wrong. Cleaning up the rest of the tears, he again said, “Will I finish.”
***
Rey did not enter, the man was not even seen anywhere. Selly didn't find it in the classroom, in the cafeteria, nor in the gym. One conclusion led him to basecamp Rey CS.
Aided by Bagas, Selly enters Rey's room. The man was still standing in front of a 19-inch screen, sometimes sitting leaning back, then vertical with his hands pressing the PS console.
Bagas pointed with his chin, telling Selly to come closer, while he walked out, closing the door. Letting Selly and Rey both be in that white space.
Selly slowly approached Rey. Pulling up a chair, he sat not far from her. “Rey,” call it.
For a moment Rey stopped her hand without turning her head, just a few seconds, the man returned to his game.
Sally turned on the screen, a war game or something she could deduce. “You want to hear my story, Rey?” There was no answer, but Selly continued. His eyes glared at the screen with the two fighting plays.
“Lelaki who is in the photo with me, we do have a special relationship.” Rey pressed the object in her hand even more strongly, though she did not turn away.
“That man is, an aide from my father.” Selly turned her head, only to find Rey's jaw hardening. “Sorry to have lied.”
Rey turned, looking at Netra Selly. “So why did you cover it? Intentionally toying with me?” His tone rose with burning eyes.
“Never Rey, even in the shadow.”
“Then what?” hardik Rey's. “You think I'm a yo-yo that you can just pull over?”
“Because my father did not recognize me as a child, because his name was never on my birth certificate!” selly replied no less loudly in one breath. “She doesn't even know if I'm her son, Rey,” Selly said softly, full of suffering.
