The Ultimate Soulmate's

Prologues

"Who am I to you?" one question that came from my lips with that sweetest smile made me close my eyes. For some reason, my heart ached hearing her soft voice whispering in my ear. Min Yongju, the rapper who is famous as the coldest man, but also my cousin brother and the only person who cares about me the most, all this time, always managed to suppress his feelings, he said, even until he decided to leave home to forget my feelings. "Stop!" cut me off quickly before my cousin continued his words, releasing myself from his arms, the most comfortable embrace that has ever taken care of me. Again, I avoided, not from him, but from myself who had already fallen in love.

I thought back to his words, when I first expressed this forbidden feeling to my cousin's brother. At that time, I asked Yongju the same thing, "Who am I for oppa and how does it feel for me?" a stupid question from a cousin sister who is still too innocent and does not understand the meaning of the word "love" itself. "Of course, you're my sister! So, I beg you after this, don't ask such silly questions again!" yongju replied firmly. However, in his heart, he continued, "Because that's also the question I have and I don't want to know the answer."

After the death of my first love, I often asked, "how will I ever find him, a man who truly loves me as sincerely as you? Who will my soul mate be? And how many names do I have to meet until I find the one last name that will be my soul mate? But it seems, your name can never be one of them! If only I could ask God, please, tell me his name! Or please, tell me all her names are as good as hers! And if only I were answered by a few names... Wouldn't that really help me choose and live it, maybe, or maybe not!" I get drunk in front of a shitty boy who always calls me "noona".

Jeon Junghwa, one of the members of this up-and-coming idol group has been like my sister ever since Yongju introduced this cute-faced junior to me. Like most younger brothers, this young man who was two years younger than me, his attitude was always spoiled and annoying, but also always there whenever needed. "Yes, only God knows the answer and it is noona's job to find the answer. If everyone knew the answer so easily, God would not have created all those different love stories. Isn't that all so that noona herself chooses the best among them?", Junghwa said as if slapping my face first and too often felt the pain of the love story itself. "Ck, know what you are, boy!" my reply did not accept.

Initially, in order to forget my feelings for Yongju, I received a declaration of love that I received for the first time in my life and it was from Kim Namgil, one of the popular upperclassmen in my new school. I didn't even expect it at all, I was finally able to feel the romance in school that was so sweet. However, like a story prologue, my first story page did not last long. During my time with Namgil, I met his best friend, Kim Daehyun, a most popular upperclassman who was incredibly handsome and sexy, as well as famous playboy and fuckboy.

Stupidly, I too was bewitched by the deadly Daehyun charm. I fell in love with her. But I'm innocent, do not know that besides the word "happy" that accompanies it, behind the word "love" there is always the word "sick" hiding. What if the greatest love is a mistake? Because I'm not so sure, whether in Daehyun's eyes, I'm just a toy or nothing more than a stupid pet who always obeys him because I innocently give everything. Daehyun managed to snatch my crown and sadistically, after making me fall in love too deeply and content to play with my heart and body, the bond between us, was forced to break in the middle of the road.

The thing that Yongju regretted, "it's my fault... I should have never given up on you. I should have never let you go. I should have protected you, "he said, approaching me again. But this time, I, who had become acquainted with the pain, rewinded my steps again because I had already understood that the relationship between us would also only leave a wound. A step that made me regret my whole life because when I left it, I completely lost that most comfortable hug and sweet smile. I fell into depression. Struggling to rise from regret will lose. However, not lost my entire run, Daehyun's wedding invitation made me cry again.

Not wanting to fall, I tried to switch to another heart that Jung Hyunwo offered sincerely to me. A jolly, humble and warm friend. Surprisingly, a question always popped up in my heart, "What about how I feel about her? Actually, I really feel good, but a little uncomfortable!" I thought every time I was with Hyunwo. I decided not to lie to my feelings and end it. However, as I chose to concern myself with completing my education while constantly trying to forget everything, the handsome devil again appeared to me and hurt me again, making my love even more turn into hatred for him. Then, the fate of the reunion led me to meet again with an old friend who helped me as I escaped from that crazy demon.

Someone came to find me helpless against this pain. Hugging me and giving the same feeling as the most comfortable hug that had long since disappeared. "Did noona want to die, huh! Does noona want to leave me too! Please, hold on!" her faint yells could still be heard, without me being able to see how her expression was back then. God willed otherwise, I was still breathing because that little boy saved me. I reorganized my life with my baby who was my only reason to stay alive. Again, beyond my plan, I got a proposal from Kim Seojun, the other handsome man in my life, who was my parents' preferred husband.

It took me a long time to get out of the marriage nightmare and the shadow of divorce, before accepting a proposal from that polite and decidedly older man. But again, I felt the pain. As if, Seojun forgot his promise while starting this relationship. Infidelity has always been a really painful thing than separation, even with the same story as my previous one. Now, it's all like shit to me. Life and love really do play and hurt me.

Falling back in pain made me often wash away with drinks, with someone who always forced me to take the time to accompany me. "Is life really this painful? Is there no happiness left for me?" lirihku desperately leaned on her shoulder which always felt comfortable. "Noona, do you know what comes out of you when you're drunk?" tanyanya who has always been my drinking friend. I who was drunk could only open my eyes to look at his cute face which has now turned more handsome. "Like the immaturity of a Lee Hana," he said, staring fixedly at my pretty face, "and I love it!" the whisper was seductive before gently grabbing my lips.

"I don't deserve you. You know all my flaws. You're not gonna get anything from me. The world will not be able to accept this" I said tirelessly. I refused firmly when the annoying boy, who had not known since when, without me knowing, had now turned into a grown man had declared his love for me. "Time can't be replayed, but I'm not sorry for everything that's happened in my life, maybe I'm fed up with love!" I said to myself. "It was so easy for me to fall for a man in the name of love, that I was disgusted with myself. This time, I want to be alone," broke up with a unanimous determination.

But, there was something that evoked those bad memories again. Without me expecting, two men in my past, came back to show the trunk of his nose on the grounds of three syllables of a name and a foreword that is the clan must have existed before for my son. Someone suddenly clasped my hand, "So, I asked once again, am I really his real father? Tell me everything, baby! If so, I will marry you soon" asked the man who could not turn away from me and always managed to bewitch me with the charm of his gaze. Meanwhile, on the other hand, there was someone who also grabbed my hand, "I've changed my life better. Now, I can make you and our son happy. If you want, we can start all over again and I promise to be better. I swear, I will not care anymore, he is my son or not because from the beginning I was the one he called father," promised the man who had abandoned me and now returned with his power.

Someone else came hugging me from the front, "Look, I will never let go of you! I'll give you everything, my treasure and my love, even until I die, as long as you stay by my side. I won't repeat it again. I'll throw it all away for you. I beg you, forgive me," said the man who still insisted on maintaining his ownership over me, without willing to loosen even a hint of his embrace. Then, a familiar voice came from behind me, an exact same word in my ear and made me feel dejavu. "Don't fool yourself again! Be honest with your own feelings! Don't be ashamed of the world! Don't be a hypocrite or pretend to be mean to my feelings!" said gently.

Where should I point my barometer? Remain compliant with parents' requests to marry their best-choice man, despite knowing one hand holds the other woman's hand. Or come back with a man who came back on behalf of his wife's son and his vow to change and a future he could have promised to make me happy. Or even choose a man who appears with a charm that is increasingly beyond reason and great power, and in fact still controls half of my heart, especially if he is the biological father of my son. Or to the man who always gives his shoulder with a warm smile when I cry and still faithfully wait for my answer without daring to promise me the future.