The Love Traces of RAHWANA

Ravana 18's.

From this morning until noon, I was helped by Bi Sarni to clean my clothes. The plan did not carry much stuff, it turned out that 3 suitcases were filled to the brim as well.

While making clothes, I was thinking of meeting Kuara this afternoon.

The cloudy sky is decorating the sky of the city of Jogja. I drove my motorcycle to Halim's college library. My feeling is, Kuara is there. I deliberately didn't contact him first to test my luck. Besides, I'm afraid I wouldn't have the heart if I called him first.

And it turns out my luck is still full. I saw Kuara focusing in front of the laptop screen on the desk on the second floor.

For almost ten minutes I just looked at him from behind the bookshelf. I felt my heart break like a stone.

But then I forced my feet to step toward him. He immediately smiled with a big smile when he saw me.

“Oh? Cloud.”

“I thought you were here?”

I'm taking Kuara out to dinner. He didn't mind when I said I had something to talk about.

But when I arrived at the restaurant, I was still worried about how I would convey this to her. I don't know what made me hesitate to speak.

“What do you want to talk to?”

Maybe because I've been quiet for too long, be the first Kuara ask.

“We eat first.” I still want to buy time.

“Do I make a mistake?”

“Why are you asking that?” I was surprised he asked so.

“Color since then you've just been quiet. You said you wanted to say something but you never said it.”

I looked at him pias. Holding my heart that was starting to hurt. That pleasant Debaran turned into a doubtful thump. I sighed to neutralize the doubt.

“Ara?” My heart is beating faster.

“What? Justsaytheword. I'm listening.” He moved his face and looked seriously at me.

“Tomorrow I'll go.”

“Where?”

“Boston. Tomorrow night.”

Quotes speechless. Stare changed. So too with the look on his face. I can catch a stroke of sadness in his net.

“Am I selfish asking you to wait for me back?”

We looked at each other inside. My chest was about to explode because of that look.

“Em. You're selfish if you ask me to wait.”

My heart almost jumped from my chest. I could hear the sound of my own heart beating waiting for the next sentence from Kuara.

“Women. I won't wait for you. I will walk the path that is before me. I don't want to torture myself by waiting for you. And you, you too must go your own way. And we'll see if time will allow us more space. Let's not expect each other. Let these memories end here.”

I felt like my heart had sagged and fallen to the floor. I can't hear her beat anymore. My fingertips are shaking. For fear of getting caught by Kuara, I pulled her and kept her on top of the thigh.

I was disappointed in my own expectations. I guess Kuara will be willing to wait for me even in a very long time. Apparently, her feelings weren't as deep as I thought.

How could he casually say that? Am I still unable to beat his commitment?

“Heheheh. Sorry then. I still don't realize we're not in any kind of bond. Yeah, you're right. I have no right to ask you to wait. I'll correct my words. Don't wait for me.”

I forced my lips to smile. I don't want to leave a sad impression for Kuara before I leave.

“Then can you spend the night with me? Let's take a walk until satisfied.”

“Oke.”

I got upset when he assented without thinking.

Ah, the rite is back down. I don't care because it comes rarely. Most of our time together was filled with rain. One thing I don't like. And now, I'm gonna love it because it's tucked away in a little memory of the Kuara.

My heart ached as Kuara hugged me from behind. I gripped the gas pedal so that my hand would not be released due to shaking.

We have arrived at Alun-Alun Kidul. A small drizzle has become a pretty heavy rain. I invited Kuara to take shelter in one of the food vendors' tents.

My mind is floating. My heart is busy lamenting the pain caused by the speech of Kuara. Because of that, I can just keep quiet. Facing the raindrops that are dim due to exposure to garden lights.

“awan, I'm really sorry to you. I know I've hurt your heart. I will not seek justification for my words. I just don't want to be tormented in an uncertain wait.”

I looked at him. His words sound flat. But I can see a puddle of tears in his arm. Did I see wrong? Ah, maybe it was raindrops that fell on his face.

There's no way I'm sad about my departure. She said so firmly. So there's no way she's sad.

“It's okay. I understand your situation. I'm sorry that I was selfish to ask you to wait for me when we had nothing to do. I've crossed the line.”

“I'm sorry too for not being able to return your feelings. I'm really sorry.”

“Already, I don't think we need to apologize to each other. It's weird.”

The atmosphere became strange as we apologized to each other. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with our feelings. It's just, the feeling that arises at a less appropriate time. That's my feeling.

Kuara promised to take me to the airport tomorrow night. It was enough to make it clear that we will still be on good terms after this. It makes me relieved.

We went back to silence. At first I turned and Kuara was wiping away her tears. She was crying silently. I am ashamed of the people around me.

Without thinking long, I immediately pulled Kuara's hand towards the swift rain. Stopped in front of the banyan twins and told him to close his eyes then we walked through the banyan.

I didn't close my eyes. I kept walking past the banyan. Inwardly continue to condemn this meeting.

‘You are mine, Kuara. I will never let you go with another man. I'll come to you later. I pledge. My heart is filled with your name. There is no more room for anyone else. I'm hopeful. I really hope time still holds a bit of luck to meet you again. Tonight, this banyan wants to be a witness to my hope. I'll leave that little bit of luck to you.’

I kept muttering in my heart. Making a petition to the Prayer-Esteemer.

“Open your eyes, Ra. Cry if you want to cry. No one will notice you here. At most they think we're crazy.”

I want Kuara to spill all her sadness right now. I had mistaken it earlier to think Kuara was not saddened by this farewell. It turned out that he was holding himself back from being sad.