The Love Traces of RAHWANA

Quarry 31.

I was sitting sweetly in my room with Fio. Someone's wearing haina at my feet. Today, Yuta should have arrived home. I called him but his phone was off.

Suddenly, my mother came into my room with a face that looked very panicked and pale. Mom even hugged me very tightly. Crying roaring while hugging me.

“Why, Mom?”

“Nak, Yuta... Yuta..” Mother could not continue her sentence and even cried so. Makes me look at Fio.

“Yuta why?”

“The plane your future husband was riding on fell.”

DEG.

Like a thunder grabbing, my body instantly relaxed instantly. Even my phone that was making a call to Yuta's phone fell out of my hand.

“What is this mother talking about? Don't joke, Ma'am.”

Without being ordered, Fio immediately turned on the TV in my room. And sure enough, there, was being aired a plane crash news in Boston. The plane crashed into the sea just a few minutes into takeoff. A search was being conducted by a local rescue team.

My gaze is twitching. My stomach feels so nauseous. My mind is raging amazingly. That's right is the plane that Yuta was riding on. He sent me a picture of his flight ticket and his selfie at the airport.

“Cannot be. No. gabe. Yuta wasn't there. Tell me that Yuta is not there!” My yelling. And Fio hugged me tightly.

“Ara...”.

“Yuta. No. gabe. No. gabe. It can't be like this. Can't do. Yuta....”.

Tears keep falling from my eyes. The more and more intense. She said the Yuta family was on their way to Boston to see if Yuta was among the dead. Imagining it makes me crazy.

We're getting married tomorrow. Yuta can't go like this. Can't do.

And after that. The day that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, turned into the most painful day. We are all in mourning after confirming that Yuta was one of the passengers on the plane.

The tragedy took all the passengers and crew. No one survived after the plane hit the water and was blown to pieces.

I've been doing two days just looking at the television screen. I want to go to Boston and come find Yuta's body that hasn't been found. But my family disagrees. Only Brother Sota flew there to see the situation. Once an hour I will call Sota to ask him about the news there.

I would cry when I saw on TV the belongings of the victim that were found. There, there is Yuta's wallet and shoes. I know that because I chose the shoe model for him.

In my heart I kept hoping for a miracle for my husband's salon. The slightest miracle so that Yuta can be found in living conditions.

I don't care if Yuta's leg or hand is broken. I just hope he'll come back breathing.

But, my hope was immediately dashed when Sota's sister reported that Yuta's body had been found.

A body?

A body?

My world felt shattered. My mind stopped working. Only regret now rules me completely.

I remembered the message Yuta sent the other day.

‘Honey, I'll be back soon.’

Going back?

I thought he was going back into my arms. I thought he would come back to decorate my days. I thought she would come back and marry me and we lived happily ever after.

Who would have thought that Yuta had returned to the Creator's decree? Not me.

My world is completely destroyed. Somehow my life will be without Yuta beside me. My future plan, full of Yuta, is now gone like a storm.

I sat quietly beside Yuta's coffin which had just arrived at the funeral home. My tears won't stop flowing. Looking at the photo of Yuta smiling perched on it. I persevered not to mourn his departure.

But it only lasted for a few hours. The sadness of losing the man I loved so much made me unable to resist hugging the coffin.

“Yuta... Dear... You can't leave me like this. I'm sorry I was mad at you. Please, don't be like this. Without you I have to how?” I don't care about the people who are there. I just want to roar to call my heart lover back.

“Ara, be patient, son. Release her departure.” Said my mother rubbing my shoulder.

“How can Ara make it, Mom? Yuta leaves while Ara is angry with him. Ara had not had time to apologize to him. Ara could not let Yuta go. Not if it's like this.” And I'm back to roaring.

This is the most painful parting. Because I realized, I would never be able to meet Yuta again. He could no longer hold his warm body. I can no longer laugh with him.

Yuta is gone now. Go to the place farthest from me. And we, will never meet again in this world.

“Yuta. Didn't you promise to come back to me? Why did you deny it? Why did you come back in this situation? What should I do, Yuta? I have to how?”

I know I can't mourn his passing. But I can't just take it for granted. His departure was so sudden and it left me so devastated.

Dear yuta. Ii'm sorry.

That regret is still often carried away by dreams even after a year of Yuta's departure. I still can't erase my memories with him.

My family tried to introduce me to another man but I still couldn't accept it. My heart was still filled with Yuta's smile.

“Ara. Don't do this. Just try to meet first. He was a friend of Mas Bhanu who was in the same unit. Perhaps he could replace Yuta.” Mother said one day.

“No one can replace Yuta, Mom. There aren't. Yuta is only one and no one can replace him.”

I have not been able to accept my regret because during our last meeting, I was angry with him. That is what still fills my heart.

I'm not satisfied if I haven't apologized directly to Yuta. Even if I knew it would not be possible.

I routinely entertained myself by going to Yuta's grave. Telling her everything I've been through. I also told him that I had succeeded in becoming a lecturer. Whether he's listening or not. I just wanted to tell him everything.

Yuta Mahendra's. His place is always ahead of my heart. I don't know until when I'm dissolved in a loss like this. Not that I'm not trying. I've been trying to escape the grief. But the feeling of loss is still very real I feel. I would feel so guilty if I removed him from my heart.