The Gun In My Hand's

Chaptre 05. It Got Me Losing Every...

Parker's Palace, Waltham Forest (Greater London), UK - 10.47 pm.

I stared at the ceiling of this victorian-style room. It's been over a few hours since I finished my dinner with the creepy Zach.

I still remember clearly this morning, when I came to my senses from my sleep, greeted by a very loud Zach cry from his room. Ah, this is the first time I've received Zach's real anger. I've made him worry like that.

I tried to close my eyes, but I couldn't. I'm still not sleepy. My mind still wanted to wander to this time of morning. From outside my room this morning, I could even hear clearly a fistfight in Zach's room. What surprised me even more was Leon's condition.

Did Zach have to torture him to a pulp like this morning?

Zach shouldn't go overboard, but I admit Leon deserves it. After all, why did I defend her at dinner last night. Zach's anger doubled because of my attitude.

I don't mean defending like Zach said, I'm just surprised Zach actually fired Leon for this one. He said they were old friends.

I feel guilty. You ruined their friendship, Elisha. Worse yet, you made someone lose their job. No. gabe. Not only that, maybe you'll be sent home tomorrow morning. Ah, suck.

So dizzy thinking about it, my throat became dry. Yeah, even though my body condition has improved and I can walk upright, I admit to going down the stairs down there is very tiring. Should I call the waiter last night?

I went down to my bed to get out of the room looking for someone who could bring me some water. However, just as I opened the door of the room, I saw that there were two people talking to each other.

Leon's? That's Leon. Why is he here? He doesn't work for Zach anymore. Why are the guards down there still respecting him. It's freaky. He also looks very messy. I need to report this to Zach right away.

I tried to reach my door knob and opened it slowly. I closed the door carefully so as not to make any noise. Shit, my hand shook again when I looked for Zach's contact on my phone.

I just found Zach's name, but I was late to call him because my door was knocked on by someone. Immediately I lay down on the bed and threw my cell phone into the blanket. I haven't had time to position myself in the blanket when the person has entered.

I tried to pretend I was asleep with my upper body on the bed while my feet were still dangling to the floor. This position makes me sore for a moment. Who would dare to enter my room while I was sleeping? Is that Leon?

The sound of footsteps reached my ears. Getting closer. Shit, stop shaking, Elisha. Be calm. I felt the surface of my bed back there occupied.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three minutes.

What is this guy actually doing? He's been a long time. The smell of alcohol was very strong. My body was slightly jolted as the foreign hand held onto my long hair. At first it was just a light rub, but it changed when it felt like my whole hair wanted to be put together and slowly woven together.

I can't take it anymore to end this. Instantly I stopped the activity of the person by holding his hand. I just wanted to turn around, but shocking events kept coming to me at times like this. That person more quickly traps my body under his body.

Gotchas! Again. That person is Leon.

"Damn! What are you doing, asshole?" I saw clearly Leon's eyes showing the same shock.

"You're surprising me. You're moving all of a sudden, when you seem to be sleeping really well." He didn't think his actions were much more shocking to me than very scared.

"You're a lot more scaring me, you idiot. You sneak into my room at night and you stink of alcohol. Get out of my body!" The response was rather long, about a few seconds he just moved from the top of my body. He looks ... not out of his mind.

"You're drunk, Leon. You shouldn't be here." He answered nothing and just looked at me. I got more and more scared when he sat not far from me and just fell silent like this.

"Even if you apologize, it's too late. I can't force Zach to fix this because you're guilty. You're hurting me."

He scrunched his forehead. I finally laid my body back on the bed. Too upset with the attitude he always showed me.

"You know I never meant to hurt you." I initially closed my eyes again when I heard Leon's defense.

"Well what would you do to me if you didn't hurt me?" I'm just pissed. Yeah, probably very upset. Why is it so hard for him to say sorry. I only wanted that one word to end my frustration with her.

"You don't know what kind of danger could befall you, Elisha." He came back to lecture me. Very tedious. Everyone seems crazy when they say I'm in danger. For twenty-four years of my life, I cannot remember the slightest danger that came my way.

I let out an oddity after hearing what Leon had said. He might be weird to see me like this. I am tired of the protective attitude of many people to me including him.

"You think I care? The danger? I'm sick of all this. Can you not care about that shit?"

"I'm not kidding, Elisha. You think this is all a joke"

I can't take it anymore. Instantly I got up from my sleep and shouted, "Stop!!! I said I didn't care, Leon. You're not the one who deserves to say that to me! Just go and play with your bitches. Don't ever take care of my business."

I saw that expression again from Leon. Even this time he looked extremely annoyed many times over. I'm sure his deepest desire to strangle me right now is very strong. And if that happens I want death to come to me.

But that's not gonna happen. After throwing my emotions at him, he just kept quiet and held on to show his annoyance. His look showed deep disappointment. He immediately got up from his seat and immediately came out without saying anything. A very loud door cushion proved he was in a heightened emotion.

After the door closed, I buried my body in the blanket again. Ah, I seem to be overdoing it with her. But he's worse, he never even apologized to me.

I might just make him a little sick with my words. I was annoyed with my body condition that was not weak but always considered fragile by many people. I'm a grown woman and I can take care of myself.

One thought came to my mind when I realized that my frustration always peaked when Leon came. Leon always came with a hostile and frightening aura. I felt so unprotected when she was with me. Plus he's a mess today.

I'm not a stupid woman, I know she was a little drunk, but she still held her whole consciousness. Don't forget, I saw clearly the collar of the shirt was a bit of a lipstick stain. I'm sure he just got home from his nightly activities. Ah, annoying.

But without me realizing it, I got too carried away with my emotions and I'm very sorry. Because what? Because I never saw Leon around me again.

...***...

Two weeks later...

Eiffel Tower, Champ de Mars (Paris), France - 09.23 pm.

"Zach, come! Look at the sky today. The stars are scattered."

I screamed while focusing on the beautiful night ceiling. Zach who from earlier continued to struggle with his cellphone did not really care about me. I finally decided to stop looking up and just fell silent with my cold body staring straight at the scene ahead.

I clearly remember the purpose of all this. My heart is still hurting and really still feels to this day.I am very grateful to have Zach who always loved me. He took his time for me. Yeah, even though maybe I'm a lot more annoying now than he imagined. And here we are, enjoying the atmosphere presented by the magnificent tower of the most romantic city in the world.

This is our last day in Paris. For two weeks I spent vacationing with Zach around Europe with his heaps of work. Of course I helped him a little with the skills I had.

But most annoying of all, Zach is too focused on other things. He always checked his phone and left me suddenly. But he left me not empty-handed, of course he left me with a number of bodyguards that were far more than Leon.

And because of that feeling, I always act obnoxious towards the new bodyguard that Zach always gives me. Every day I scolded them no matter how small they were, so Zach always gave them a different bodyguard every day.

Sometimes so irritated, he decided to accompany me instead of having to give me a bodyguard that I would always keep going. One of them is today, I think he ignored me because it was upset with my behavior that kept him dizzy.

"You're cold?" Eventually Zach started talking and stopped focusing on his phone. I didn't reply to her and just gave her my smile.

"Are you okay?" What a silly question he asked.

"Yeah."

He slowly grabbed both of my hands and rubbed them. The warmth slowly spread to my hands. He then put one of my hands into his coat bag.

"I'm sorry. You lonely?"

With a smile still emerging from my lips, I replied, "No. This is enough Zach. Thanks for understanding"

"Don't lie to yourself, Elisha. You're not good at hiding that. You know this cousin of yours is going through the same thing as you. Try to open up with me." His words seemed to hit my heart.

I'm not good at hiding something if it's confronted with it. Really, I'm not okay. My heart aches when Zach wakes me up about this lie. My heartache has not healed completely. I'm still harboring more expectations about Kyle. I'm a stupid woman.

Slowly my tears began to pool in my eyes. One, two, and so on the drops slowly wetted my cheeks. My eyes blurred with unstoppable tears. Zach immediately hugged me, he gently stroked my hair trying to calm my starting heart.

With sobbing I tried to pour out what was on my mind, "Why is this feeling not lost, Zach? It hurts ... I don't want to be like this either. For a moment I wish .. when a few days ago I was unconscious .. I want it to happen forever so as not to feel this heartache." Zach didn't respond, he just listened to me and tried to keep me calm.

It all lasted a few minutes until I calmed down. Zach's warm hands and hugs managed to treat my feelings a little. Without lingering I returned back to return Zach's embrace very tightly.

Maybe the people wandering around us would talk about us as lovers who had just made up from the infighting. But I don't care, Zach is my most beloved cousin. We're going through the same painful thing, but far from it I'm sure Zach's feelings are worse than what I'm currently experiencing.

I slowly gave off the same strength as the swab on his back. My eyes are getting teary thinking about Zach. Accidentally my blurred vision caught a slightly familiar object. Leon's?

I saw the man who looked like Leon smoking leaning on the edge of the tower barrier. He looked around like he was watching the movements of many people. As soon as our gaze met, he looked at me for a very long time while sipping his cigarette.

My gaze was sidetracked as Zach let go of our embrace. When I looked back behind his back, I could not see anyone who looked like Leon. I think my mind's fucked up. How can I think about it now. Ah yes, I have to tell Zach.

"Milk ..."

"Hmm?" Zach refocused himself on me.

"Can you grant my wish again this time?"

"Tell me, you know I'll do anything for you." I smiled back at Zach. He's my amazing cousin. He can grant me anything my parents can't do.

"Can I not be followed by a new bodyguard anymore?" Quickly the pain adorned his forehead.

"You mean?"

"Yes, I don't need your bodyguards to guard"

"No. We agreed to this. You can't-"

"Leon..." Zach stopped raving when I mentioned that name.

"I just need Leon to get back to being my bodyguard. I don't need three or five bodyguards around me. You said that only Leon himself could take care of me. So ... can you re-hire him again? Please."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't mean to confuse you, Zach. You know this is not Leon's fault. He was just being vigilant and maybe a little rude. I'm so sorry and feeling guilty because he lost his job and-"

"No. That's not what I meant, Elisa. Leon I've never fired and I don't want to let go of the greatest agent I have. He's still watching you till this second."

I was silent long enough to digest the situation. So he was never fired. It was only fitting that night that he could still enter the mension. But why haven't I seen him in every corner of the Missions. He just seemed to disappear.

"But you said you wouldn't let him take care of me anymore."

"I told him not to take care of you on the field directly, Elisha. I thought about your comfort, but I wouldn't let you out of my sight. He's always watching you from far away."

Was my vision right? That's Leon. He's watching me and he's not going anywhere. I felt something strange was always following. Until it makes me a little afraid every step alone.

"Can everything go back to the beginning? I'm not gonna come back." Zach exhaled a rough breath as if tired of facing me.

"You don't need it anymore. You have enough time, Elisha. You should go home soon. Maybe your parents are worried about you. You can't just walk away from your responsibilities. You remember you still have the company you have to take care of."

I kept pondering over everything Zach said. Is correct. I've been resting too long. Really, my dad never forced me to do any of that. But I am well aware of the responsibility that always haunts me.

"You know that's not the answer I want to hear?" I showed Zach a gloomy face for the umpteenth time.

"Norris ..."

Zach's eyes looked very worried at this moment. Slowly Zach clasped my hand very tightly. "I'm sorry I had to say this all of a sudden ... I just got word your dad's health is down and he's being treated."

My mind was not lost. My legs are squeezing and my body wants to collapse if Zach doesn't catch on first. Hearing the news of my father's deteriorating health, made me even more afraid of what I was about to face. Please, fate is still on my side.

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...TO BE CONTINUED...

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