Sebatang Kara's...

Undecided...

I was silent and stuck in my husband's arms. I was confused what to do. On the one hand, I was hurt by my husband's actions, on the other, there was my unborn baby, and still needed a father's affection, really selfish, if I only thought about myself.

I removed my body from his embrace, and rushed towards the bed to break down my body.

I was worried what to decide, when my bath raged and argued with my mind, I slept by hugging my pillow until I finally woke up when the magrib reverberated.

I feel like my body is sore and tired. My heart and mind are tired of this test of life.

Just imagine, when you love and trust someone more than yourself, suddenly he deceives and betrays you, what will you do..?

I was also worried about my decision. Should I leave him or forgive him..?

I don't care where my husband goes anymore, right now I just want to calm my heart and mind.

I rushed to the bathroom to get my ablution and Maghrib prayers. As before, I pour out my heart, my restlessness and my disbelief only on the Almighty. After the prayer, my heart and mind began to calm down.

I laid my body back on the bed hugging my pillow.

I heard footsteps coming into our room, and I was sure it was my husband.

I pretended to be asleep, so I wouldn't see his face.

" Dear, let's get up, let's have dinner together, brother has cooked my favorite delicacy, spicy stir-fry kale, the same as peanut anchovies" said my husband persuaded me while kissing my forehead.

I kept quiet and pretended to be asleep and I didn't respond.

I heard the sound of her footsteps moving away from the bed and out of the room. Only then did I open my eyes.

I actually felt guilty for not responding to her attention, but I was still disappointed and hurt.

As I daydreamed, I did not know that my husband was in the room and sitting on the bed.

" Dear, let's have dinner first, surely you're hungry, right?!", he said with a smile on me.

" Put it on my dresser, I'll eat it myself" I said, hugging my pillow, without even looking at it.

Bang Izal got up from the bed, and came out of the room. I saw his face that looked sad and lethargic.

To be honest, I was already hungry, and because of my ego, I endured my hunger. Looking at the food my husband put on my dressing table, I could not help my hunger anymore. I hurried to sit up and by moved from the bed to my dresser.

I ate my food so greedily that it was not left, but the food was quite a lot. I'm starving because of my own ego.

After I finished eating, I came out of the room with my plate and my used glass. I walked slowly towards the bathroom, because I did not want to bang Izal caught me.

" Have you finished your dinner?" he said, smiling at my behavior.

" Already" I said briefly as I passed towards the kitchen.

I rushed to the bathroom to brush my teeth, because I didn't shower this afternoon. Finished cleaning my face and hands using soap and clean water, I took ablution to perform the prayer isya.

" Dek, this is the Sunkist fruit that we bought in Brastagi, has already peeled his skin, adek just eat, adek bring it to the room yes" said my husband with a smile.

I know the point and the purpose is to persuade me, that I would forgive him, but I don't know, my heart still feels heavy.

I took my husband's shelled Sunkist into my room and put it on my dressing table.

After the prayer, I ate some Sunkist fruit seeds on the plate while looking at my face from the mirror reflection.

I stood in front of the mirror, I saw my chubby cheeks, my widened waist, and my large breasts, as they were pregnant.

My slender body first, in an instant turned fat. Maybe, because I don't look as beautiful as I used to be, my husband got bored and turned away from me, I said in my heart, looking at my body from the mirror.

How else, I love him, and from his attitude, I know that he does love me or he just feels sorry and sympathy for me, so he is being so kind and sweet to me.

Rice has become porridge, maybe suat later, bang Izal will confess his feelings to me, so that I can find out about his feelings for me.

I sat back and leaned back on the chair, looking at my face that was no longer pretty in my opinion.

Tired of everything, I laid my body back on the bed and started to close my eyes, hoping all the bad things were just dreams.

I hope, tomorrow, this nightmare will pass, and all my happiness will return to its original state.

POVS. Izal

After we got home from Brastagi, an SMS came into my phone.

At first, I didn't know it was an SMS from Mira, my boyfriend.

When she sent me a picture, while we were kissing, I realized it was Mira. I try to remember where it happened.

I remember when he asked me for help to take his son to the hospital, and that's when I got into his dirty trap.

Out of emotion, I called her and threatened her, if she showed the picture to my wife, I would never forgive her, because she set me up.

After calling her, I slammed my phone into our bed, and I forgot to delete the photo, all I thought about was Ani, and how bodied I was, was caught up in Mira's ruse.

When Ani showed me the photo on my phone, I realized that I was wrong not to remove the photo from my mobile gallery. We had a big fight, it was all because of my mistakes and stupidity.

I'm afraid that our quarrel will affect the contents, and I don't want anything bad to happen to my wife. I tried to persuade him as much as I could, so that he would forgive my mistakes and stupidity, and give me a second chance to improve myself.

Right now, I'm peeking at my wife, from the door I opened a little bit, I just want to make sure she is, but I see my wife watching herself in front of the mirror while turning her body around, I understood then he started to be insecure because of the changes that were happening to his body, which he thought I was no longer interested in him.

I was saddened and felt so guilty to see my wife blaming herself.

I promised myself not to repeat my mistakes and follies, and I would improve myself. May my wife forgive me and give me a second chance, I said in my heart.

Seriate...