Sebatang Kara's...

The past will never come back ..

After 8 years passed, the first time I heard, "I love you" from my husband's mouth, but, this heart did not feel happy when it heard it, was my heart tired..?

Nine years ago, we got married in October. I am happy to marry her, for I think she is my soul mate, the guardian angel that God has given me, to guide me, to strengthen me to live in this mortal world.

On that happy day, I did not see the slightest happiness on his face, did he regret marrying me who did not have this parent, my heart always asked, but did not dare to ask him directly to my husband, he said,I'm afraid he'll take offense later, so I'll just keep it in my heart.

When we got married, my husband was 25 and I was 23. People say our age is appropriate to get married, because it is not too young or too old, also called ideal. So, the way we think also according to them parents are also mature and can make their own life decisions.

If he is not happy, why did he marry me,? that is always what I ask in my heart, why...?

I was named SITI Khairani by my father. Dad calls me Siti, while my grandmother calls me Ani, sometimes my friend calls me Rani.if I don't care what to call, what's important is a good name, not a bad one, not a bad one,because I think the name is a picture of a person.When my husband named Izal Ahmad, which I often call bang Izal.

We were introduced to him by his cousin Zubeir. We met through a mobile phone, which happened to be his cousin using his phone bang Izal, maybe his cousin was deliberately using his phone to contact me, so that my phone number stored in the mobile phone Izal bull.

A week passed after Zubeir contacted me with his phone bang Izal.Sore the day when my friend and I sat on the porch of the house, my phone rang...

"triying.lalala..

" abridance.lalaalaa...

I looked at my phone screen, there was no caller name, and I took my phone and pressed the green button on the screen ..

"assalamu alaikum .this who is .? my tofu, my,

" wa alaikum salam, this is Izal Zubeir's cousin," he replied, "o...this bang Izal, how are you saying bang?",tanyaku,"Alhamdulillah healthy,tek how are you?", he said..

"Thank God, what else, what,?" ask me again," this again calls equally adek" he replied, after an hour more acquaintance, and joking, we ended our conversation, because adzan magrib will reverberate.

After the introduction, every day bang Izal always asked me news, either by phone or SMS, I was happy to see his attention, because I also began to like him.In my opinion Izal bang good, attention, friendly, even though we have never met.

A month passed, we were getting closer and closer, I started to love him, even though I had never met him. In the past mobile phones, not as sophisticated as now, used to only be able to call and SMS, if now can video call, if the person is across the country, which is important there is money to buy internet quota, already can travel around the world.

Tonight, it just so happened that Sunday night, as usual I just watched TV at my grandmother's house, while sleeping in front of the tv, I put my phone next to my head, if anyone calls, so I can hear it right away,and can immediately see the screen hp who is calling. While watching the soap opera Cinta Fitri, my HP rang,

"triying.lala...

I looked at my phone screen, there's na bang Izal, I'll take my phone and press the green button, "assalaamu alaikum bg Izal" I said," wa alaikum greetings deck, again what now" he replied," again watch the soap opera Cinta Fitri" I replied, "another month Abang want to go home, to the old mountain, Abang want to meet you deck, you want to meet with Brother?" he said, "insha Allah bang, we met, meaning that if another month, on Eid al-Fitr y bang, because tomorrow we have entered the month of Ramadan?" I said, "yes, deck, and Brother wants to see you equally" he replied. An hour passed, we finally finished chatting, and the soap opera Cinta Fitrinya was connected...

Today is the first day of Ramadan fasting, and I am very excited about this Ramadan fast. For me the month of Ramadan, a very holy month, a blessed month, a month of forgiveness of all sins. Although I was raised by my grandmother, but the religious teachings of my grandmother are very strong, just imagine if I do not pray aja, my feet have been beaten my grandmother using rattan, especially if not fasting, I can not imagine it. Actually as a child, I was a submissive and timid child, sometimes because of the preoccupation of playing, so forget the time and do not pray, but now after I grow up, but now after I grow up,I realized that prayer and fasting are mandatory as Muslims and believers, because in the word of Allah SWT," which distinguishes the degree of each people is the faith and devotion of His servant", so I just said that, namely: Qur'an and Hadith of Prophet Muhammad.So, my grandmother does not need to remind or beat my feet again, because without any obstruction or monthly menstruation, I will enforce my obligations.

As usual, every month of Ramadan my uncles will come to my grandmother's house to visit during the month of Ramadan until the feast of Eid al-Fitr. Before my grandmother had a mild stroke, after treatment, her health finally recovered, and I was very happy to see my grandmother healthy again, because I was so afraid that my grandmother died,there will be no one to protect me and my brother in this world.

My sister who lives with my uncle in the city of wipirok, also visited in this month of Ramadan, my uncle from sidimpuan also came, and there are also those who live close to my grandmother's house, and there are also those who live close to my grandmother's house,but across the river our village is.

My grandmother worked as a clothes tailor, I often helped my nenenk sew clothes, more or less I can also sew like my grandmother, because my grandmother also often taught me how to sew clothes.

In this month of Ramadan, my grandmother's orders usually soar up, and we sometimes overtime do it, I pity to see my grandmother tired of looking for money to support Us, but what can I do, my parents do not want to take care of us, I feel sorry to see my grandmother tired of looking for money to support us,I can only resign to this taqdir, because I am sure, all human principles determined by Allah SWT are the best. I always pray that my grandmother will always be healthy and long, so that one day I can make my grandmother happy, and raise her up. Aami...

Almost a month passed, after breaking her fast, and chatting in the living room, my grandmother said to my uncles," Ani you continued her lecture that had been abandoned because I had a stroke of yesterday, what do you think, son, I said,you want to help the cost of his college Ani, because he has been in college for 3 years, and just make a thesis to finish college", "yes ma'am" said my uncle who was preached and put to rest,except for my uncle who lives in the opposite village," for what he went to college again, so the imaginary people are too high, want to be a scholar, but do not have parents, just rely on my mother's money alone, so people who want to be a scholar, but do not have parents,aware you're a selfless child, not knowing it's lucky"She said in a high tone while pointing at my face, and almost wanted to slap me, fortunately my uncle who was wrapped in holding his hand, so as not to hit my face. I was shocked and cried, and asked "why uncle has hated me ever since I was a child until now, I've grown up, there's only your hatred for me", and then he replied," since your father and you his children always troubled my mother and us"," watch your words, his father was my son, along with you, no child troubled the parents, and they were my grandchildren, he said,I will be responsible for their lives and their future" answered my grandmother loudly to my evil uncle.

If by the very fact, it is true, my uncles should love us, for we, have no responsible parents, my father who goes to no where, my mother who remarries, my mother who has no responsibility,only my grandmother loved me and my sister, while my uncles only felt sorry for us, hearts could not be forced, if you want to love dear, if not yes no, how else, our fate, like that, was like that,we have to live, we are grateful, because there is still my grandmother who loves us and protects us, if only I could ask Allah SWT, I want to have a complete and happy family, but, but, I want to have a family,apalh wants to be said, our God Almighty, who determines, we just go through it sincerely and always grateful.

This tense night, too, my uncles were already in their bedrooms, and I slept with my grandmother. After the tahajjud prayer I also pray that Allah will bring me together with the best soul mate and love me, will accept me as I am.May Allah SWT grant my prayer, aamiin...

Today is the last day of Ramadan fasting, asbestos is the Eid al-Fitr holiday. As usual, every year, I will take care of the cleanliness of the house and household furniture, everything must be clean, and neat.Sometimes I can not join the Eid prayer because of a lot of homework, because I can not attend the Eid prayer,sometimes because I can menstruate.Everything I am grateful and I do sincerely, so that my grandmother is happy, so that there is no commotion in this house, on this blessed day. Today, my grandmother will be in the market to buy cakes for holidays, such as: onion cakes, baking pans, hidden nuts, and others.

I love all the cakes my grandmother bought, because I never choose food because I think everything is delicious.

When busy cleaning the household furniture, my hp reads," triiing..triiing".the sign is there SMs enter, I immediately take my phone and read the SMS, which turns out to be SMs from the Izal bang," deck, I,brother again on the road want to go home", I reply SMSnya," hearts ya bang on the street". I put my phone covered by tv, I,and suddenly my evil uncle TU pulled my hand and slapped me in the face, until I fell to the floor, when I screamed in pain and cried, I don't know what my fault was,so that my uncle slapped me to the point of falling and in pain like this. My uncle and grandmother came up to me and asked me what happened, I just cried sobbing in pain, because I didn't know what was wrong with me, and then my grandmother scolded my evil uncle," what you did to him, what you did to him,he was fasting and cleaning the house, and you were so willing to slap him to the point of falling, are you a human or a demon..?"he replied, "he works only dating, does not know himself, does not know in profit, is sent to school well, his work is dating, you read the SMS of his girlfriend in Hpnya, the child does not know himself", my grandmother replied" even though he was dating, he never went out, he always stayed at home to help me sew clothes, if the matter of dating on hp, the name of the girl, the father was a regular courtship like that, you also used to date your wife first, you used to date your wife,but I never scolded me to the point of beating you up in pain", "that mother can guarantee that this child doesn't know himself to be able to take care of himself, she's a weak woman, and has no parents,were it not for mother, perhaps they were dead", answered my uncle in a high tone, while my other uncles were silent, for they knew, if my uncle who was a jaha I was being demon, could not be resisted, he said,better to stay quiet and avoid.

I stood up crying and said" Why when we were little, you didn't kill us, instead of our lives you always made us suffer, because of your hatred for me and my sister". Had he killed us long ago, I would have accepted, for it would have been better for me to die than to have always suffered from the hatred of my heartless uncle.

my uncle from the wardrobe said, "do not give up like that son, be patient in facing this test of life, because the fruit of patience is very sweet and you will ever go to boarding school as well, that is taught is not it,if we must not despair as much as any test God gives us..!". I was silent to my uncle's words, and immediately Istigfar begged God for forgiveness.

My grandmother also said, "you better be with your uncle who was invited y Ani, while helping your uncle sell, hopefully you can continue your abandoned lecture, baby","iya nek", I replied. At that time my sister was still in school, whose knowledge was just playing, she did not know about anything that happened to me, maybe my grandmother and uncle who were preoccupied too much pampering her, so that she nature does not care about anything,it was as if I was just a kara in this world, having no one in my place to complain and take refuge, only Allah SWT and my grandmother had all I had in this mortal world.