RAGIL (First Love)
Season 2 #29
Love is not the same for me, and to survive I need not only love, but commitment.
-azka
That vip-class inpatient room looked deserted. Only the sound of the heart rate detection machine controls silence. On a bed, Azka was lying down. The actions taken by a team of doctors a few hours ago have managed to save Azka's life. It's just that Saga still has to learn to accept that their son is gone even before his heartbeat can be heard. While Azka also still has to fight against her current condition.
The doctor said that Azka would probably fall into a coma if in twenty-four hours she was unconscious. The collision that Azka received during the accident, made part of her body traumatized. And one of those traumas was related to his brain.
To date, Saga has not contacted anyone. He was still afraid to report this sad news to his family. He was afraid that his family could not accept the fact that Azka had to experience this. Moreover, their prospective children were also taken in the accident.
All Saga could do right now was pray. May Allah give him a chance to spend the rest of his life with Azka.
"Good night, sir" said a nurse who had just entered the room.
"Night." replied Saga briefly.
"I'll check first, sir" the nurse asked permission.
The nurse checked various devices attached to Azka's body. Record some data on the paper attached to a running board.
"I'm sorry Sir. There will be dr. Anindita will check on Ms Azka's condition." explained the nurse before she left the room.
Saga got closer to the bed, and sat down on a chair beside her. He piled his head over the folds of his hand, and began to mutter something there.
---
Look from behind the door at someone you want to meet. Can only see from afar while the heart wants to get closer and even crouch. That's how Ragil feels right now. After returning from the office after Maghrib, he returned to Harapan Kita Hospital. He wanted to visit Azka, the man who had saved his life.
Ragil ventured to enter the room. The creaking sound of the door he just opened made Saga who was sitting staring at the bed look up. Now there was no anger in his eyes. That look was full of fun. It was as if all his happiness had been lost with the loss of Azka consciousness.
"Gue.. can I come in?" ask Ragil carefully. Saga only nodded weakly and then pulled one chair closer towards him. Ragil was still standing in front of the bed, hesitating to sit on the chair provided.
"Sit down first, Gil" he said kindly.
Ragil who had just been flinching finally pulled the chair a bit away, he sat there. Now the two men were sitting opposite each other, with Azka's bed at their sides.
"Gue, I'm sorry Ga. If I hadn't met Azka this afternoon, maybe.."
"What happened, no need to regret" said Saga calmly. His gaze fell on the ends of his shoes that had not changed since his arrival at the hospital this afternoon.
"But I still feel guilty about Azka. The same you too. I just want to say, I'm the same Azka met not because of anything. I just want to thank him for all his help as long as I'm going through a divorce with my wife." hearing that statement, Saga looked up.
"So you know our wives are related?" Ragil nodded, though,
"Gue didn't know what was on Azka's mind, but Azka certainly helped me too much." Ragil sighed harshly, "Gue doesn't know why Azka dared to do that. I don't even know what Marsha did to Azka just because she was vengeful. Azka must be having a hard time."
"Azka still loves you, Ragil." Saga said it with a very calm tone of voice, Ragil who heard it frowned slightly.
"We've been done since you asked him Ga. There's nothing between us." Ragil said it with a bit of hesitation. He did not know what Azka was feeling. Even he himself did not know whether he had really released Azka or not.
"For a year of our marriage, Azka was so trying to let go of her feelings. Accept our marriage, live it wholeheartedly. Azka's really trying." Saga glanced at the spot where Azka was lying helplessly. "But one thing I do know, Azka has not completely escaped her feelings. Azka still continued to live with that feeling. Azka, no matter how hard she tries, hasn't managed to love me greater than her love for you."
Ragil was silent, and could only look at Azka deeply. Until Saga finally continued.
"When you were present again some time ago, Azka's efforts for one year were shattered. Azka is back to the old Azka. He hasn't lied about any of your meetings lately, but he's starting to come back to lying about his feelings. He said dear, but at heart, his affection for me was only half-hearted, because the other half still he loved you. Even he was willing to face your wife, just to defend you." Saga smiled wryly.
"Your wife even terrorized me, sending me some photos that made me jealous. Hm.. Yes, I admit I am very jealous of you. I don't know what's inside of you that I don't have. Until Azka could love you so much like that, and what your wife did, almost made me lose my way and give up. If only there wasn't Kara." Ragil was surprised, how far did Marsha go? But seconds later Ragil returned to focus on Saga's words.
"But Gil, from the beginning I promised to accept Azka as she is. Accepting that he would never be able to love me with all his heart. Accept that in our marriage, there is a divided half heart for others. And. accept that Azka was very used to the feeling. Love is not the same for Azka, nor am I." Saga paused his sentence,
"For me, forever indeed sometimes we can be forced to be loved completely by the people we love. In the heart relationship, sometimes there will always be a gap where we let other feelings slip there. But all this made me, maybe Azka too, learn a lot. In marriage, we are no longer just talking about love. Marriage will not survive if it is based on love. All we need to survive, it's a commitment. Commitment to fill each other's shortcomings, appreciate the advantages, fill the pockets of love with other meaningful things besides love itself. We need it to survive a journey called marriage."
Saga got up, from his place, then he looked at Ragil from his position. He sighed slowly, then said something he had thought carefully about.
"I allow you, to come here whenever you spare and want. Help me protect Azka. Help me to make Azka finish with her curiosity. I want you to finish what you haven't done. In order for the future, Azka can return intact. No longer carrying the burden of feeling."
Ragil was glued, his sentence was swallowed just like that in his throat. He doesn't know what to respond to. He could only promise, that after this Azka would be able to return as intact as before Azka knew him. Yeah, Saga's right. One of them is, he must make sure that Azka sees him happy as he will see Azka happy with Saga.
Isn't that what Azka always asked of her? Will Azka let go of all those feelings if she is really happy to organize her life? Would Azka feel relieved and no longer bind herself with the same feelings?
"Gue promise, I'll keep trying so you can take it all off."
---
"Mr Saga?" ask someone in a police uniform who just entered Azka's ward with one of his colleagues. Saga was surprised, what is this? But he nodded as he approached the two men in uniform.
"We bring a summons for you as a witness to the accident that befell your wife."
"What?"
