RAGIL (First Love)

Season 2 #7

How long do you have to hold on?

Until we manage to defeat and become invincible.

-azka

"Is the show good yesterday?" ask Azka. They were sitting together in front of a minimarket. 

"Lo tau I never expected the event to be smooth" Ragil sat down with a look of laughter.

"Why are you back in Jakarta so soon?"

"Even if I could go home yesterday, I went home Ka" Azka lowered her head. He felt compassion for the woman who became Ragil's wife. Azka was also a woman, She could feel how to be dumped on the day she tied the promise to a purpose. Ah, Azka did not know what it was like to be unwanted by someone who would later become heaven or hell.

"Can't Gil fix it?" There was still hope in Azka's heart that the man in front of her would be fine with her marriage.

"Nasi is already a porridge Ka. And the porridge can never go back to being rice, even though Lo cooks it longer" Ragil wants to take a nicotine stick out of his pocket. But Azka's presence made him think again. He still had to respect the woman who was sitting next to him with a table blocked.

"But is there no chance for the porridge to be enjoyed? Not-" slurry"

"Gue can't Ka" The high tone of Ragil's voice stopped Azka's speech instantly.

"Sorry" Azka said regretfully. It seems he has spoken too much.

"Lo don't have to apologize Ka"

"Gill?" Call Azka weak, Ragil just turned his head. Noticing the look on the face of the woman next to him who showed an unfathomable expression.

"Do you really want a divorce?" Ragil allowed his sitting, He took his breath slowly.  He snorted a few times before answering.

"Gue gabisa lives with people who have made the family I ancur Ka. You won't understand how it feels" Ragil can't stand it. He rogoh his pants pocket, take a box that already feels light because he has used some. He slipped the nicotine stick between his two lips. Ripped back in his pocket to grab a match. He lit a fire, sticking it to the end of the thing tucked between his lips. Hold it longer until it burns and exhales smoke.

"Sorry, Ka. I need this" he said without looking. Azka just looked at the man with a lethargic look. It seems not the time to be waving. It is not time to force his will.

"Did no one know you were married that day?" Azka switched the conversation. Ragil shook his head, poking smoke away from Azka's face. He took a sip back until the tip looked reddish smoldering. Azka grimaced to see it. Now he realized one thing. Ragil is no longer his old Ragil. A Junior High School student with all the typical juvenile delinquencies growing up. Ragilnya used to be transformed into a different young man. Azka understood that. And even though the change seemed real in front of him, in fact his heart still did not budge in the other direction. Ragil is Sunny to him. Her first love, which until now, is still clearly in her heart. Although He knew, whatever was now no longer possible to make their story succeed.

"Are you calm now leaving him there? while you're here?" Again, this is Azka's last question. He has been sitting there too long. He needs fresh air to get his mind back to his right mind. It cannot be dissolved in the problems of others. Even if it was Ragil. Hmm, maybe precisely because this is Ragil, he should be able to keep himself from interfering too much. Or maybe he could have been dragged further. So what about this year's effort?

"Gue is calmer here" Ragil turned, "Thank you Ka"

"Hm?" Azka turned her head towards him, "for?"

"Everyone" a smile rose on that grim face. Leaving clear smile lines around her lips. Azka smiled back. Then he cut off that look. He lowered his head, clutching a small bag on his lap for him to put on his arm.

"I'll go home first Gil. See you again" said Azka rise. In the next second he had walked away, leaving Ragil still looking at him with a shady look. 

--- 

"Why are you here?" Saga is shocked by Azka's presence in her office.

"Hmm, may. after I'm done we eat outside" Azka smiled. 

"Can I wait here? or should I wait outside?"

"Here it is"

Cklek!

"Sir, I want to convey that today" someone who had just entered stopped his speech. He was surprised to see the presence of Azka in their midst. "Sorry Mom. I guess there's only Mr. Saga"

"Nothing Dimas" Azka responded with a smile. "Emmm, looks like there's something to talk about huh. I'm out, Ay. I wait in the front seat" Azka immediately came out after feeling the atmosphere inside there to be a little awkward. I don't know what they're going to talk about, Azka doesn't understand. And it would seem wiser if Azka did not interfere in the work between them.

"Where are you going today?" Ask Saga when the two are already sitting opposite each other in a restaurant not far from their apartment.

"I? It was a campus assignment. Deadline today. Then I went out, and met Ragil at the minimarket in front of your office" Azka explained. There's nothing he's covering up, because it should be?

Saga's face looked tense for a moment, but then he was back to normal as usual. "Rabile? Is he in Jakarta?"

"Emm um, a lot of Ay temen I'm here. One of them is him" Azka tried to tell him everything without a lie.

"Be careful Yang, I know you've been trying hard this year to neutralize the heart of that Ragil guy" Saga became more serious, Azka looked at her husband. Looking at him with a deep look without a lie. Because no matter how much he lies, the man in front of him will always know.

"I won't do anything Ay"

But I'll do why. Don't you understand? Hn?

They continued their dinner in silence. Saga no longer opened her voice, holding her sentence to stay stuck in her throat. He did not want to fight with Azka. Moreover, he is too tired. Not a good time to talk about the heavy stuff. Like the past for example. Saga needs energy to neutralize his mind.

"Did you feel the same way when you met him?" The new saga opened its voice as the two had already entered the car parked in the courtyard of the restaurant.

"Hmm?" Azka gasp. He was not prepared to accept this question from Saga. This almost year-long question never came to him.

"What does it feel like to be the same? Or has it changed because of our efforts over the past year?"

"Saga.." Azka called her name in a weak voice. Indicates that the woman whose status is his wife does not want to discuss this. But Saga seemed to have been too curious about it. Moreover, Ragil again appeared before Azka, his wife.

"Azka, please answer my question. So that I don't have to guess" said Saga at his place. His knuckles turned white as his hands gripped the steering wheel firmly.

"Ga. please don't force me" that's all I can say. Because after that, guilt again enveloped Azka. Saga snorted, He understood this reaction too much. The reaction that Azka always showed when the question was thrown.

Saga chose silence, He remembered the last time he forced Azka to answer that question. Azka who at that time had not been married just sobbed, her body shook violently. It was as if various sorrows and guilt were raining down on him strongly. Azka looks very tormented and it makes Saga not bear. So He promised in his heart that He would be all his might not to ask that question again.

But, how long should Saga hope that Azka will behave normally towards those feelings?

Doesn't everyone have a first love story and make it through his or her life without the shadow of his or her first love?

Saga shouldn't have asked that. For He also knew how different the first love of Azka was from the first love of others. He should not have repeated the question for himself. Because then he allowed Ocha's explanation to re-evolve in his hearing. An explanation that makes him dare to take a position, also an explanation that sometimes makes him almost stop.