RAGIL (First Love)

TWENTY TWO

You have to think about your decision. Accompanying someone whose heart is no longer intact is definitely difficult. I don't know when I'll be 'cured' or maybe I never feel any pain with this feeling.

-azka

That afternoon, Saga approached Azka who seemed to be busy cleaning practical equipment. He chose to enter the laboratory room through the back door and sat near where Azka put her bag. Almost ten minutes passed, Saga's presence there was not realized by Azka. Saga enjoyed watching Azka from behind, until Azka turned her head and she smiled at the girl in front.

"Saga, when's it been there?"Azka immediately approached the man when she found him sitting on the back bench in the lab room.

"Since ten minutes ago" said Saga still with a smile on her face.

"Why not call? I was so cool that I didn't realize you were coming" Azka said, taking a seat next to Saga. He pulled his bag closer.

"Don't bother me. Did you finish today?" ask her while continuing to pay attention to Azka

"Udah, today is only two classes" Azka explained as she closed the zipper of her bag, then hugged her on the table.

"Eat?" one word that Azka understood as an invitation to lunch together was responded to with a nod. They walked out of the room to the cafeteria as usual. Arriving at the cafeteria, the two immediately ordered food and drinks. Saga invites Azka to sit on the chair in the left corner because it looks empty there. The cafeteria still looks very crowded even though the lunch hour is almost over.

Saga reached into her bag when the two of them were already sitting down waiting for the order to come. He was looking for something he would give Azka. After getting it, he slowly placed the red box-shaped object on the table. Then he pushed the object closer to Azka who was busy looking at her phone.

"What's this?" azka asked in surprise and put her phone on the table. He hesitated to take the red box in front of him. For a few seconds he noticed the red box with the elephant symbol on it without opening it.

"Open it up" said Saga

"Not a prank, right?" tanya Azka hesitated

"Not so, open it. It was from Bangkok. Not long ago I gave it to Big Brother" Azka nodded, then looked back at the box she had in her grasp.

"Open it?" ask him to make sure.

"Yes, open it. Hope you like it" Saga said with a smile.

Azka opened the box. Azka's next expression showed how shocked Azka was. His eyes were perfectly rounded, one of his hands clenched his mouth hiding the screams that were about to come out just like that. A locket, very pretty. Azka did not know what was typical of this pendant. Why did Saga choose the locket as a gift from her return from Bangkok?

"Likes?" tanya Saga made Azka look up at her

"It's pretty, but why did you choose this as a souvenir?" azka asked hesitantly, "I think I'll get some typical Thai decorations that my friends usually bring home from there" Azka said, glancing back at the pendant in the box.

"So, you prefer such a gift?"

Azka shook her head quickly, "No. That's not what I meant Ga. But, this locket looks expensive." Azka closed the box again. He hesitated to accept it.

"No intention of wearing it?" tanya Saga looked at Azka and the now closed box alternately.

"Emm-I'm not used to wearing a necklace" Azka reasoned.

"Didn't you like my brother?" Saga started to get a little suspicious, there was disappointment in her tone

"I-I like it a lot. But I'm afraid to accept it" Azka said honestly.

"Why afraid? Hahaha, this is not a proposal ring! And you're still afraid to accept it?" Saga laughed, "When I had hoped you would wear it, it must be beautiful" he said disappointed.

"I'm sorry Saga" Azka regretted, "But I really can't accept this kind of stuff" Azka said regretfully. He pushed the box to Saga. "Save it, you can give this to your mother. Surely he will be happy" said Azka trying to find a diversion.

"But that's what I bought for you"

"Sorry" said Azka cutting Saga's sentence. Lucky the waiter came to bring their order, Azka swiftly received it and invited Saga to eat first.

"So, what research projects are discussed there?" tanya Azka tried to melt the atmosphere, she glanced towards Saga who was downcast eating her food. In front of him was a small red box that was returned by Azka.

"Cooperation research project" said Saga briefly. He continued to eat his food until the toilet was faster than Azka. Azka felt the atmosphere of their first meeting became a little tense. Azka immediately finished her meal following Saga who had placed the spoon and fork on the empty bowl.

"What if that person who gave you new will accept you?" Saga spoke just as Azka placed her spoon and fork in the middle of the plate. He looked up, not understanding the direction of Saga's conversation.

"You mean?"

Saga sighed softly, "Forget it. Maybe I will never be able to replace him in your heart" Azka frowned, still waiting for what other words would be issued by Saga's lips

"Is it true that long as he can't get out of there?" Saga looked at Azka. Azka blinked, What does Saga want to say?

"W-who?" Azka lost her words for a moment, "Who are you talking about Saga?" Azka's feelings started to feel bad.

What the fuck? Who is Saga talking about? Azka.

"Jawab only Brother. I'm sure you understand who we're talking about"

"I think what keeps your heart closed is the past you told me about. Turns out—" Saga paused her sentence.

"It turns out there's someone else, whom you haven't even mentioned all this time" he finished his sentence

"What do you know about my past?" Azka began to realize that Saga was discussing the mass of that one. A past He never opened to anyone but Ocha and Saints. Or maybe even partially to Kara without mentioning who it is.

"Whatever you know, right or wrong, you have no right to force, Saga" Azka said in a slightly trembling voice. Saga looked at him, He picked up a notebook and picked up a piece of paper tucked away there. Saga put it quietly on the table. He thrust the paper in front of Azka. Azka frowned again for the umpteenth time. Without asking, he opened the paper, and read what was written there. There are only a few lines of sentences that Azka knew were taken from a song lyrics.

His gaze changed as he looked at the initials written at the end of the message. His gaze locked, his lips tightly shut, and at once his heart was pumped faster, creating a hard debum on his chest. Without his orders, his eyes began to heat up.

"Where did you get this Ga?" azka asked, almost inaudible, if only their sitting position was not facing. Saga speechless. It seemed like his move to give the paper was wrong. Exactly what Ocha thought when he contacted her a few days ago. Azka will be carried away by her feelings again if she knows Ragil, as his name is called Ocha, turns out to look for him or maybe even expect it.

Yeah, Saga called Ocha. The woman he had met twice was the only person he could ask who had left the piece of paper. The one who turned out to have the most inside story in Azka's life. A person who never called, discussed, or maybe tried to hide Azka from the world outside his heart.

---

Ocha received a message from a number he didn't recognize. After he read it he knew that it was a Saga number. Ocha then replied to her message. Saga asked for a moment to talk on the phone. Ocha agreed to call him when he finished the last patient. After he finished practicing, Ocha called Saga. On the third ring the man's voice was heard across the phone.

"Hello Saga, what's wrong? Can I help you?"

"Sorry to disturb Cha. I have something to ask you"

"About?" ask Ocha

"About the initials R.A, does that mean anything?"

Ocha was silent for a moment, Saga knows where? "Why are you asking me that? Where did you see those initials?" Don't tell me Saga saw it in Azka's wallet!

"On a piece of paper that was tucked into me. By Azka. But haven't I given it to this day?" Saga said it clearly, making Ocha sculpt perfectly in place. Who did that?

"Emm, I don't know" he said lying

"really?" Saga has not given up. Then he told me what happened in the shopping mall about a month ago. About their meeting with Tama, which Ocha also knew because Azka told him. Saga also recounts that He met him and another person whom He did not recognize. Ocha guessed from what Saga told her. Ocha proposed sending some photos of Azka's friends to be recognized by Saga. Some time later, Ocha sends photos of Rasya, Ragil, Alan, and their male friends. Saga thought a little, then he confidently said that Ragil was the person they met.

Ocha was surprised to learn that Ragil had left the piece of paper. Ragil is still stationed in Sabang, on the border and is not allowed to leave. Did he do that during a work break that allowed them to travel for a week or was Ragil transferred to Jakarta?

"Please tell me who he really is. I think I should know"

"Saga, I'm sorry. But don't you want to ask Azka directly?"

"He will not answer. He always avoided talking about this. The only thing he told me was his memories with someone named Rasya. I knew it was over, at the wedding two weeks before I went to Bangkok" Saga recounted their meeting with Rasya at Irine's wedding. How Azka looked at the man, how Azka finally ended their problems. Despite the tears, Azka looks relieved afterwards.

"Cha, I'm just going to try to live all this with Azka. Is there no other way but to hide all this deeply?"

"I'm sorry Saga. But all this may be difficult to understand" Ocha sighed, He was confused where to start. But Saga's right, he should know. Saga was the only person who could currently let go of Ragil's shadow in Azka's mind. Although Ocha was not so sure, given his experience with Rasya that was so long. Ragil's shadow remained after they separated. Maybe Ocha should also say what happened exactly. So that Saga does not misstep, or maybe He will have a choice if he finally feels unable to accompany Azka and her feelings are not intact. "I'm confused where to start" said Ocha weakly.

"Tell me anything you know" Saga begged steadily

"Well, Ragil is Azka's first love. The first love he thought was finished, though it had never begun. Azka kept her feelings since the seventh grade in the Junior High. If we count, it's been about twelve years that feeling exists. Ragil never knew Azka's feelings for her, but there were rumors circulating that she once had a taste for Azka. Until the tenth grade, Azka established a close relationship with Rasya. Rasya is Ragil's best friend. When he was with Rasya he felt himself healed from that countless wait and hope. About five years he was close to Rasya. They even made a promise to always be together. Especially because Rasya had an accident and Azka was the one who gave it to him. But, my dear, their relationship did not work out. I don't even know what the problem is. It seems Azka is saturated, and she is not used to long distance relationships. After they separated, Azka realized that her feelings for Ragil, instead of disappearing, were embedded. During with Rasya, the feeling was buried deep, until finally Azka herself was unable to find it. That feeling had already fused with the ground of his heart. Stored untouched. Difficult to remove. In fact perhaps, that feeling was already ingrained with his body. If he forced himself to take that feeling and throw it away, it would only hurt himself" Ocha paused his already unraveling story so long.

"Did Ragil know that Azka felt like that?" ask Saga

"No, I don't know if Ragil knows that far. All I know, Azka has said is that she liked Ragil for a long time. He did it yesterday when he came home. They met, at a reunion of Junior High friends. I think maybe Ragil wants to try what he tried. Ragil once expressed a love for Azka, even though it was just a joke. Azka knew that and rejected it. Since then he has said he never expected anything. He was just used to his feelings" Ocha finished the story.

"That means, is my choice right not to give this paper to Azka?" ask Saga carefully

"I don't know. But it's best not to let Azka know about the paper, if you're not ready to see his expression".

---

All the words of Ocha ring out, Saga resuscitated her. He looked at Azka who was staring at him. His eyes were watery, once he blinked, it must have fallen.

"Ga, where did you get this?" Azka repeated her question. Saga was silent.

"Did you meet Ragil on the same day we met Tama?" tanya Azka was already impatiently waiting for Saga's answer. The question made Saga's eyeballs break. Azka knows?

Azka folded the paper, He put it in the left pocket along with the phone he had placed on the table. "It's mine. I'll keep this paper" said Azka rising from her chair. He remembers that he might be late to see Kara if he was still there with Saga. Saga got up, he followed Azka walking towards the third floor. He quickly lined up the girl's steps and grabbed her hand until her movements stopped.

"Sister, wait! I can accept all of that. I don't mean anything about keeping that paper for too long. I just don't want you to shut down your feelings. I stay as I said before. I'm ready to let you start it all" Saga said without pause. Azka looked at him, and unexpectedly Azka smiled.

"Saga, I know you're sincere. But you can think again about your decision. Accompanying someone whose heart is not intact is difficult. I don't know when I'm going to 'cure' or maybe I never feel pain with this feeling" Azka immediately left the place. He wanted to avoid Saga for a while. Saga doesn't have to feel the same pain just because of this feeling that never goes away. Azka.