Picking Up the Past

Fear Arya

Beautiful memories in the past are sometimes difficult to lose from memory, these memories sometimes - sometimes burdening us to want to repeat them, feel the sensation of beauty again. Sometimes it feels painful to feel when we ourselves when we realize that the memory is impossible to repeat, because he who was once loved already owned by others, such was the thought of Arya at that time.

For him Mila has a thousand fond memories with Arnes stored in the memory of his wife, memories that may still be desired Mila to re-occur, repeated, while he is just a stupid man who knows nothing with romantic words. Love, honey, Beib, dinda, or whatever, his tongue feels like it's all saying that.

That was the reason why he wanted to have a wife who was still pure of heart before marrying him, so that they could both create their own memories, without the need for other memories in the past. Make memories with the person who will accompany him for the rest of his life. Happy together without feeling the burden of their past.

But fate is not always in our liking, God predestined Arya with Mila who has a million memories with Arnes.

Things that felt very painful for him, but he tried hard and strong to face it all. If Mila was his soul mate, then there was a thousand good things from Mila that God had prepared for him, but still, still, his soul as a man felt insecure in front of Mila if he remembered Arnes words about Mila's intimacy with the man.

Because until that moment he realized, there was not a single romantic thing he did for his wife. His heart ached when he felt that he had only made his wife to fulfill his lust. He should have done a lot to make his wife happy. But he himself was also confused, what kind of romantic thing he had to do to make Mila happy.

Should he give his wife flowers every day, should he take his wife to dinner together outside with a luxury restaurant reservation for both of them, he had to kneel and kiss his wife's hand to make her queen. Arya rubbed her hair rough, her mind hard to work for such things.

Has Mila been happy with her all this time, was she happy when she took her up the hill to see the city view, what women were happy when they were on the beach, what women were happy when they were on the beach, the women were happy as they rode horses together, saw waterfalls, and looked at dancing waterfalls in the town square. There was nothing romantic in his eyes from everything he did.

Instead he felt like a selfish man, taking Mila to the hill, riding a horse, to the beach, seeing a plunge, he did what he liked without asking what his wife wanted, he said, his wife said she was happy just to please him.

Arya's soul is jolted with the story of Arnes, Arnes who is just a boyfriend has done a lot to make Mila happy, while she just takes it for granted, is Mila really happy with her, is, or it was just a smile that was made to please her, the heart of the woman who had become his wife made her ungodly.

It had been 2 days since his encounter with Arnes, his jealousy still burning his heart, the man managed to attack his weak point, the man managed to attack his fear.

'this marriage only takes 6 months, I still have plenty of time to do things with Mila' her inner self trying to convince herself, she said,

His long daydream came to a halt when Mila approached him on the balcony.

“how bad I am in your eyes Arya, until you do not believe in the slightest if I have chosen you” said Mila slowly, he looked towards the sea, he looked at the sea, hiding her eyes that began to glaze over.

“he told me how affectionate and romantic he used to be to you Mil, I can't even be that intimate and romantic to you, I never give you flowers, I never give you flowers, I never take you out to dinner together in a romantic atmosphere, he says you guys used to reciprocate words of love whereas I, I never even said I love you Mil, I never even said I love you Mil, how bad I was as your husband, even you felt that when you were with him first, but with me, there were no such things, no such things, there are only your tears Mil” said Arya who recalled the story of Arnes, her eyes glare away at the dark sea.

“arya,,” muttered Mila slowly.

“I don't know how to treat you as a Mil woman, treat you like a queen like she used to do, I'm just a fool who never knew a Mil” woman.

“tell Mil, how miserable I treat you, how bad I am in your eyes, be honest with me Mil, do not hide my ugliness that you see” said Arya who began to feel tight in her chest, he did not want to hear a sentence as bad as what he was, but he had to be strong to hear it, so that he could be better for his wife, so that he could be better for her, so that the beautiful memories that his wife once had with Arnes can be eroded slowly and changed with their memories.

Mila was silent, her heart was jolted, her soul was stunned, when compared to Arnes Arya, of course Arya was nothing.

Her husband was even almost every night always busy working, and so was every shabuh. Her husband never took her to a romantic dinner, a walk to the mall, gave her flowers, or maybe just to say the word love, a word that he always waited for Arya to say for him.

But one thing he felt, the man in front of him was far more precious than anything, his heart was too holy to be hurt, his heart was too vast to ever forgive him. His eyes were too soft and gave him comfort. Not even a single touch of the man hurt himself, even he still remembered how cruel he used to hurt the man to the point of breaking.

In his memory, it is still clear what Arya used to be destroyed when the man fell weakly to the ground, hitting the ground because it was destroyed by his actions.

Mila's tears came back without her being able to bear, Arya's questions were too difficult for her to answer, for her, Arya and Arnes were two different people who could not compare to how they treated her.

“You are more than anything Arya, don't talk like that, there's nothing in you that's pathetic, you're the most powerful person I've ever known, you live in the shadow of your fear and trauma and can survive to this point, there is not a single evil that I see from you Arya, you are a good person, the nicest person I know in my life” Mila sincerely told Arya.

Arya brushed her hair, the answer from Mila had not calmed her heart, “say Mil, what you want from me, you want me to give you flowers, I will do it every day for you, Mil said, you want a romantic dinner, I'll do it for you, you want me,, Mila” then stop Arya's sentence by sticking her right index finger on Arya's lips.

Arya took a deep breath, her emotional feelings regained control of her, until all the words were thrown out without her noticing.

“stay like Arya whom I have known all this time, quite like that, I will always love and love you Arya, there is nothing you have to change from yourself, there is nothing you have to change from yourself,” says Mila by cutting Arya's sentence.

Mila took a deep breath, her husband was still the same as before, his direction and way of thinking could never be understood at all.

“what is it because of that all you can't trust me completely Arya? is it because of the man's words?” tanya Mila stared in the bead of Arya's eyes that looked sad and weak, the eyes were bowed staring blankly at the balcony floor of their apartment.

“i'm a Mil boy, he knows the weakness of a man like me, and he attacks me right at my weakness, he wants me to realize, if I don't deserve to be your husband, all his conversations with Arnes have been open to Mila.

“He even told me that he had touched you and seen your whole body” Arya said again.

Please swallow his saliva instantly, his head shakes not accept with it all, ‘men******, why is he this so hard on me and my husband?, did she really want to destroy my household, she made my husband become weak like this Mila's inner’ full of anger and heartache.

“you believe Arya, you will know for yourself that night I was a virgin when you first touched me, I never showed my body to anyone other than you, my own husband” said Mila was full of worry, it deserves her husband like that, if Arya believes in the words of Arnes, then Arya's trust in him will be difficult to grow back.