Owner of Heart #1

The Extra Part 1

...Pov, pov 1...

Yogyakarta, 2016

I stood under a warm shower after standing under the rain that flushed the city of Yogyakarta. Is this what he felt when he went around the city of Bandung under the pouring rain? This pain?

I still remember the hurt look with the pale face of her pas last night when she had to witness my engagement to another woman. Believe me I feel the same pain because I never imagined that I would have to be engaged to another woman besides her.

My heart was hurt to see her tears roll in the arms of Mamah who was both crying for missing her. Mamah often says, “Mamah kangen, Kekey.” If Mamah knew.I miss her so much, Mah! Now Mamah can hug him as much as Mama, but me? I didn't even dare just to accept his helping hand when congratulating me.

My blood rippled, my heart went crazy as our hands shook and I think his hands were icy cold and trembling inversely proportional to his fiery gaze, before he finally decided to go home. I wanted to be selfish by forbidding him to leave, I still wanted to see him, I still missed him. But I knew her heart was too sick to stay there.

Papah had come back after driving her in a taxi because she was too stubborn to drive. I saw that the batik Papah was wearing was now a little tangled and wet, and I knew why it could happen. She was crying, she must be crying and it was because of me! I hate myself for making her cry and get hurt like that!

I could not sleep at night, sitting on the porch of the house we occupied while in Yogya, missed it like the previous nights until finally after the dawn prayer I could just fall asleep. I fell asleep until noon, woke up only to pray dzuhur and went back to sleep, even I forgot that today there is a plan to go with my room, Widy.

I dreamt of meeting him, in the dream he laughed making me smile wide because it was a long time ago I missed hearing his laughter. But the voice made it clear to me that it wasn't a dream. I sat down trying to convince her that it was her laugh, and it was her!

Without thinking I went out and there he was sitting and laughing with Mamah, but his laughter disappeared when he saw me, he immediately left regardless of me yelling to tell him that it was raining.

Damnit damnit! I should've stayed hidden in the room until it was raining really hard and she couldn't help but be stuck here, with me and Mamah. I don't care if he'll look at me with anger, seeing him again is the most precious gift for me. I'm selfish? I do, but I don't care...

I realized how stubborn he was, he must have refused to be escorted by the driver to make me run into the room and take the jacket. He can't be rained on! He can't be sick! I ran back out and my guess was right, he was walking in the rain.

I ran after him, dressed him in my jacket as his headguard. But he refused, the look in his eyes implying a sense of anger and also hurt that very much makes me sculpt, with the heart also hurt. I could only stare at him running through the rain leaving me still standing motionless there.

A car entering the yard of the house, Widy came out wearing an umbrella delivered by people who also knew him to make me without thinking straight up to him.

“Keyza, just left here, please follow her, take her home, lest she be rained!”

I saw him a little surprised before finally leaving me who was still standing with a heart that suddenly felt empty.

The knock on the bathroom door made me wake up from my daydream.

“Yudha.. are you okay?” the sound of Mamah calling me resuscitated me that from earlier I was just standing staring under a hot shower.

“Iya, Mah, this is done.”

I quickly put on my shirt and got out of the bathroom.

“You... is it okay?”

I nodded trying to smile, “Not to worry, Yudha is fine.” I could see Mamah not believing my words even though she finally nodded in understanding.

I sat in front of Widy who was talking to Mamah why she was not invited to buy souvenirs.

“Tante thought you were going with Yudha again, so aunt went with Kekey earlier.”

“Iya, was about to go but awaited Mas Yudjust did not come.”

“I overslept.” I replied while taking a cup containing coffee that Mamah had made.

With the cup in my hand I walked towards the porch then sat on the chair, the rain had stopped leaving the cool afternoon air making my mind float to her, had she reached home yet? Is she okay? She's not crying anymore?

I took a deep breath thinking about that stupid question, how could he be fine after seeing last night's event. His eyes had said everything without having to be spoken. Angered, hurt, betrayed, I could see it all from the look in his eyes that used to look at me with a shade full of love and affection. Now I've lost it all, and that's the punishment I have to accept.

****

Tuga-yogyakarta Station.

I was surprised to see her coming with another man that night to deliver our return, or rather to deliver the return of my parents who she immediately embraced affectionately. While me? He considered me invisible, and that was another punishment I had to accept.

My mind floated at the times when we had to split up at airports or bus terminals when I had to return to duty. Our hands clasped together not wanting to be let go, the longing had burned back the chest even before I left, words promise to keep each other's heart and love as if to be a vitamin that makes us last until the time we meet again.

But now what he says is, “Be careful... don't cheat.”.

A sentence he spoke with wounded eyes that reminded me of the mistake I had made. And believe me every time I see those eyes it makes my chest feel squeezed by a huge rock that's so stifling.

I said to him that just looking around, I never said seeing him ignore me and silence me was the thing that made me suffer the most, and I knew I was entitled to it, but this time only this time I want to be selfish by getting his attention.

And I succeeded! I know how to get his attention, even though he seems like a kid, but I don't care! For the last time I want him to see me even if it's a meaningless debate.

“Remember! Don't fuck around!” threaten me seriously in front of his face, “I go first... Assalamualaikum!” I turned my back just because I had to refrain from hugging and kissing her to say that I miss her so much.

“Wa’alaikumsalam!” the thrill was no less sharp making me smile while walking up the carriage KA. and I forgot that I had not said goodbye to my own fiancee.

****

A month after my engagement, I was getting late in physical training. Every time I have free time spent in the Gatot field where special training Kopassus members, running area, obstacle course, rock climbing, archery and shooting became my loyal friend this month.

Shortly after the engagement night, I got word from my parents that the women were forcing me to advance the wedding date. I knew sooner or later that day would come but not this soon because my heart still had not returned to me.

“You must take care of your problems with Kekey before marriage, Yud.”

“We've broken up, Pah.”

“That's not enough, your relationship and Kekey won't be able to be solved just like that with the word break up.”

I was silent with mixed thoughts and feelings.

“You tie your hearts together too strongly. Papah can see anger, disappointment and sadness in his eyes, but Papah also still feels love there, as well as you.”

I was silent to Papah's remarks that night when he told me about the decision of the female family.

“It is your own decision to marry Widy and leave Kekey, you have to take responsibility with your decision.”

I still can't say anything, just ghost this is my decision.

“It's time for you to untie the ties that bind you with it.”

Unhooked him? I exhaled heavily understanding Papah's intent. Until now I may have decided it very cruelly, but I still hold his heart very firmly not wanting to lose it. The heart that I should have been guarding but now it's been hurt by myself.

Maybe now is the time for me to let go, even if it's going to hurt us even more.

****

Bukit Bintang Yogyakarta.

We had just come home from the Baron beach, where I saw him laughing after a long time, making me smile and keeping it in memory in my head and heart to enjoy my solitude.

But now the laughter has gone away and the sadness has passed after learning that my marriage will be accelerated. My heart ached when she looked at me in disbelief, believe me I didn't want to believe it either. But this is the way of life I have chosen and I have to take responsibility for it.

After steadying my heart, I sat beside her looking at the same scene at the time in Bandung when for the first time we expressed the word love. But now the atmosphere is different, there are no words of love and laughter, there is only silence that envelops befriending twilight.

“Do you love her?”

I kept silent not answering the question, my heart ached hearing his voice trembling with anguish and anger. I really wanted to hug and calm her down at that time, but it would only make the knot of fate that bound us even tighter and stifling.

“My jawab! Do you love her?”

He asked again with a stronger emphasis and increasingly burning eyes made me decide that it was time for me to break the bond of destiny between us.

“Iya! I love her and have to love her!.. I betrayed you because I love her!”

My heart felt the same pain when I saw her eyes that described how much she was suffering right now, her face paled and I could see her lips trembling with the cry. In my jacket pocket I clenched my fingers trying to resist pulling her into my arms and told her that she was the only person I loved no other woman than her!

“Goodbye...be happy.”.

Finally with a broken feeling I broke the bond between us, the bond that had kept me alive, the bond that made me feel loved and loved so much, so much, and the bond that now binds me alone.

****

Bonus snack afternoon for all those who managed to make Lieutenant and Za enter the top 50 👏👏👏👏 thank you very much for your support so far ⁇ ️😘😘😘