Owner of Heart #1
Chapter 21
After the doctors left, we prayed dzuhur and rested for a while before we returned to the pendopo to teach the children about other customs and cultures in Indonesia, but like that I couldn't concentrate and after taking some photos I sat in the corner of the pendopo looking at my phone hoping for a signal.
I took a deep breath when I saw that there was not even a line of incoming signals, but I looked up to find no Arga and sent him a message immediately after finding him.
“Ga, they're here, the Lieutenant is just as much a girl. How am I supposed to do, Ga? All this time I tried to be as normal as you taught me. I'd ignore him if he pretended he didn't know me and it looks like it would be better if we pretended we didn't know each other. But he didn't do that, Ga. He greeted me first, he gave me his jacket so I wouldn't get cold at night, he would lend me a sleeping bag so I could sleep comfortably, and it made me wobbly again... I'm evil, aren't I? I know that she already has a boyfriend and she's here! We eat together, laugh together, we greet each other every day. And I don't think she's a bad girl like in soap operas, she's nice and also very pretty.
“For as long as I can try to avoid it, but this is a very small environment that makes us like confined in a room that is impossible to avoid each other. Every day we would gather for lunch and night we would gather in front of the campfire just to tell each other stories, sometimes he would sit next to me and it again made my heart beat fast. I know I can't have that feeling, and that's why I hate myself, I hate it because my chest will pound every time I see it, she said, I hate it when my blood ripples just by sitting next to him, I hate myself who is still looking for his figure at all times. I hate myself, Ga! ”
“And just now, for the first time I spoke to him alone, for the first time I let out all the anger I had been holding back. I got it all out, Ga! I even yelled at him, and he just silently listened to me. He wants to say something, he wants to explain it but I don't want to hear it. Because I knew there were two possibilities after listening to his explanation.The first one I would let go and forgive, which meant that the feeling I was trying to bury deeply would come back to the surface, and that would make me an evil woman for loving another woman's man. And secondly, the explanation will make me really lose it for good... And, I am not ready for it, Ga.... what should I do, Ga?”.
I took a deep breath as I stared at the long, undelivered message. How can I be sent, I am in the middle of the forest and Arga is on the top of the mountain, but at least I feel a little calm because I have told someone everything, while here I kept everything to myself I needed a confiding friend, but no one knew my story and the Lieutenant except Arga.
Brother Yoan was sitting beside me with a slouch, the children were now swarming over Veny, Vita Tea and Yuni who were holding tablets to watch the videos we had prepared beforehand.
“You want a story?” Brother Yoan asked softly without taking his eyes off the children.
I looked at Kak Yoan who was now looking at me while smelling, “Kak heard it?”
“Iya.” Kak Yoan nodded to make me silent for a moment hesitant to tell a story, but Kak Yoan may be the most appropriate choice to hear my story, she is a psychology student from one of the famous universities in Bandung, Bandung, and I'm sure he'll be a good listener.
“Before I also realized there is something between you and.. Mas Yudha.” Brother Yoan whispered when he mentioned the name of the Lieutenant.
“View yes?” I asked that made Kak Yoan again nod with a smile.
“Yeap.”
I took a deep breath before finally starting to tell the story from the beginning until I finally reunited with him here. As I expected Brother Yoan heard me very well from start to finish, occasionally he would nod a sign of understanding without cutting my words.
“Can I give you suggestions?” he asked after listening to my story.
“Bby.”
“You better listen to the explanation, because what actually made you hurt until now is an unanswered curiosity.”
I looked at Kak Yoan not understanding what he said, Kak Yoan just smiled and explained.
“You are curious about how she feels about you all along, you are also curious why she suddenly disappeared without news, and why she could turn to another woman so quickly.”
I fell silent and began to realize that it was true, it had been a big stone that made my chest tight.
“But in advance you have to prepare yourself for the worst possible.”
I took a deep breath because I understood very well what the worst possibility meant.
“That Kekey isn't ready yet, Kak.”
I bent my knees and hugged her, Brother Yoan stroked my back gently.
“The more you delay the longer the more you will get hurt.”
I just kept quiet because I knew it was all true.
“Kak... I'm stupid yes, sister, because it still has the same feeling she.”
“No, you are not stupid, Key, because we cannot choose to whom and when we will fall in love.”
“But now he already has another lover.”
“You're sure they're really dating? Did you ever hear that from his mouth straight away?”
I turned my body cross-legged to face Brother Yoan.
“No never watch gossip show huh?”
“Hahaha.” He laughed at my question.
“Kekey is serious, Brother, all Indonesian citizens also richly know that they are dating.”
“What on the gossip show there is a statement from ‘nya’ if they are indeed dating?”
I thought considering that all the news was written based on Leona's statement and never once did the Lieutenant make a statement, making me shake my head to answer that question which made Kak Yoan nod before continuing.
“Have you ever seen them sitting alone? Or go alone?”
“They once sat a decketan keep going outside.”
“But no duelling?”
“No.”
“Key, you know that I'm very happy to observe people?”
“People who are dating especially those who rarely meet or LDR-an will usually stick with rich stamps, they seem inseparable. Well isn't it said they started dating as ‘dia’ is still a duty outside?”
“Iya.”
“And when ‘dia’ has returned to Indonesia, has there ever been any news of them walking together? Nothing, Key, and if they were both walking I'm sure the news would be everywhere. Ok, we assume that they escaped from the pursuit of journalists, but like you said all Indonesians know that they are dating, and they are a couple who are a warm conversation, too, moreover, ‘dia’ went viral in cyberspace so at least there will be someone who secretly takes their photos. If not, do you think our artist will not show off their closeness in his sosmed that has thousands of followers? No, Key, he will definitely upload it if they go together, he will show off because the man who went viral in cyberspace because of his good looks is his girlfriend, like the beginning of their courtship.”
I was silent listening to Brother Yoan's explanation.
“But they can't date because he's been sent here.”
“Well, that even makes more sense.”
I looked at Brother Yoan who was smiling widely.
“Why doesn't it make sense?”
“I asked if for example you were dating him while he was on duty outside, you miss?”
“Kangenlah.” I answered without thinking because I felt it even though we were not dating.
“If you know he's back here, you would want to meet the same will even if it's just a moment?”
I'm nodding.
“But suddenly he was directly assigned here so you can not meet, continue accidentally you meet here, you are not?”
“Seneng.”
“Where is he going?”
“Iya.”
“Have he gone on?”
“Iya.”
“But. The first time we came all immediately excited not because we saw Leona and the others here, but because the people saw ‘dia’ is here. And her reaction was not like meeting the boyfriend she missed, she just endured it and greeted him just like everyone else, including us.”
“Kakak don't know where?”
“One of the reporters was my acquaintance, he hoped to capture a special moment when they met, yes it might be like a surprise that was deliberately prepared ‘nya’ for the lover, yes, but it turns out there is nothing but a regular welcome.”
“Maybe she's shy.”
“Everyone already knows about their relationship, there is nothing to hide anymore.”
I was silent thinking about that.
“I personally see them as just two strangers who have just met rather than a couple. But I think it's not just me, the others feel the same.”
“Times anyway, Brother?”
“Yes, just try asking the others.”
I was silent thinking about what Brother Yoan said.
“But you know what makes me even more sure that ‘dia’ has more feelings for you than our artist?”
I raised my eyebrows while shaking my head in ignorance
“Because he worries more about you being cold than that ‘lover’, he prefers to lend you his jacket to wear and make sure you sleep warm that night.”
Instantly I was slow to hear the last words of Brother Yoan who nodded with a smile.
“Yes, I covered you up because he asked me to do it, and he said you were too stubborn to accept his jacket.”
I smiled at him, all of Brother Yoan's words might be true but there was one that stuck in my heart.
“If indeed they are not dating like Big Brother said, why does he not deny the relationship?”
Brother Yoan was silent looking thought for a while.
“That's what you should find out for yourself, Key, by listening to his explanation.”
Which means I have to be ready for everything that happens.
****
