Loving Or Loved?

Raining

Happy reading…

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POV bagas

I've had a long-distance relationship with Fani, the woman I applied for two months ago on her graduation day. As long as Fani lives in Korea I have not contacted her at all, let alone asking her news just say hello I have not done it. I'm coward? Might as well. But to be honest, I was in my hardest position this month, realizing and accepting the fact that Bang Aziz and Syta were my half-brothers made my life upside down because of the conditions put forward by Bang Aziz for him to want to be part of my family, his new Mammya family.

Looking at the face of the woman who always accompanied me, giving me attention for approximately 14 years, began to age, even though only my stepson felt like fulfilling his desire that Mama had long since long since long since long since, she lives with her two children. Syta happily accepts her Mama back after an explanation from Papa, but Bang Aziz? She was too jealous of me, talking as if I was the cause she lost her Mammys affection even she easily said if she wanted to be given the same opportunity as me to be close to Fani, my girl. As a condition that he can accept his new family.

For Mama! Because Papa's happiness is with Mama at this time.

That is all I can hold as my decision reinforcement but it is not only qualified for Bang Aziz, but I also want to see the seriousness of my girl in accepting me. Will he be tempted by Bang Aziz or will he be able to help me solve my family's problems and stay by my side. During this month anyway, my hands were so itchy I wanted to contact Fani immediately, but on the advice of Bang Akbar I held it all.

“Let Fani calm herself down first, wait for her to contact you. He's stubborn son, if you contact him directly with vociferous he even hard calm and will be long time he to think about the decision he will make.” Haaaah…. The words of Bang Akbar always ring in my head.

The tea that I just brewed is still puffing the smoke, while staring at the rain in December that was falling hard, there is do’a that I slip so that those who are far away there immediately strengthen their hearts for me.

“Bang, forgive Bang Aziz yes.” I ignored it, my hand reached for the cup of tea whose scent had already been on my sense of smell, I slowly sipped. Rain and hot tea are a very delicious blend for me for now.

“Bang, don't be angry yes same Bang Aziz.”  Too often I hear the same words from the little girl who is now sitting next to me. Honestly, I am not angry just disappointed, in my mind always asked, is it appropriate for the harmony of a family to need conditions to make it happen?

“Consider have said, Brother is not angry with Bang Aziz.” I heard my stepbrother exhaling rough breaths, I don't know what the burden is right now, so exhaling his breath so rough.

“Bang Aziz now in Korea.” I glanced at him, though, I don't know what the intention of this little girl who one month officially became my step-sister by suddenly saying that Bang Aziz is in Korea when a few days ago Bang Aziz said goodbye to Mama will be go to Japan.

“Not to Japan?” I said while squinting my eyes, ah the longer why the more complicated like this.

“He was just tricking, actually Bang Aziz to Korea intends to follow Teteh. Said he wanted to fight for his love.” Syta's voice is getting smaller in my hearing, maybe she's afraid I'm angry. I breathed a rough breath, there was worry in my chest, worried that my beloved girl would turn to another heart and I had to mentally prepare to receive it, but all of this has a part in it.

“Abang to room first.” Without waiting for the answer I moved from my seat carrying a cup of tea that I just enjoyed a little. Not until the stairs Mama and Papa call me, ah whereas for a month I have been trying to avoid serious talks with both.

“What's Ma Pa?” my question is to sit in front of the body in front of both.

“Let Fani determine it Ma. Bagas it's okay Bagas had once succumbed to other men, especially now for his own brother maybe I will give it up again, if now Fani chose Bang Aziz. Although at first, Bagas wanted to be selfish and risked the happiness of Mama and the harmony of our family in the future, but Bagas was not brave enough to separate Mama and her two children who have been looking for years. If Fani is Bagas' soul mate, she will return to Bagas Ma.” There was no doubt when I spoke, because it was how I felt. One word PASRAH.

Like the rain I just saw, which was resigned when it had to fall to the ground. It may hurt but be good to the earth and its inhabitants.

“Papa is proud of you, son, thank you for growing up to be a good boy and sholeh. Papa and Mama will always imagine the best for your happiness, Aziz, and Syta. You are all our children there is nothing different regardless of you are half-siblings or not.” Maybe because of the affection that is always given by the two people who are sitting in front of me, I can be strong to face every problem

the ones who come and go.

“Thanks, Ma Pa. Bagas to room first yes.” The two nodded in unison while smiling warmly at me.

I lay down my body on the bed, looking at the photo of two young children embracing each other with a distinctive smile of toothpaste featuring some dated milk teeth. Slowly I rubbed the face of a little girl who was pigtailed two cheeks still very soft height as a boy

next to it.

“What should I do to keep you by my side? I think we already love each other but why must there be a test like this, at first I thought our test was time, but it turns out?”

I tried to close my eyes, looking for peace when the dark greeted me. Sayup-sayup I still hear the sound of rain that is still pouring down the earth, maybe some parts of Jakarta already flooded, considering the rain has fallen more than 2 hours. Ah.. I better teach it, to win my mind which is still messed up right now.

After ablution, I took the sarong and peci and sat down on the chair facing the window I opened the surah ar-rahman and started reading it.

Thank God the pleasure that flows after reading the Qur’an, from earlier the device I put on the nightstand has sounded loud and now sounds again. I lazily stepped towards the nightstand and took my salary.

Am I not dreaming? Finally Fani called me after a long time we didn't exchange any news.

“Hopefully good news you will pass on Fan.” I said when I was going to pick up the call from abroad.

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Thank you for reading…..