A Memorandum
Storia 8: The Word of Heart
He did not come to his house again the next night. Because Sarah asked him to do that. He said his father had just arrived. So there was no choice but to let go of her feelings for a moment. But the days that he passed then suddenly felt heavy here. Time seems to lengthen. Which is getting more and more painful every second. Inside the house, when she was alone, there was almost no free time left other than just thinking about Sarah again. He will start thinking about it when he will fall asleep, and return to thinking about it when he wakes up. It was strange when her feelings changed so quickly. It hasn't even been three weeks since that feeling. More than once he repeated the events of the last few nights. Repeat in slow motion. Is this what we call perfect love? It even made my days more helpless.
On the fourth night, upon his return to his place of duty at Dulin, all he could do next seemed to be looking at another picture of Sarah on his cell phone. Sometimes he smiled to himself, recalling every memory of the moment the photo was taken. As the light recorded their togetherness, the day was filled entirely with laughter, and she could actually see her face clearly there, which Sarah purposefully brought closer to her. Then along with his gentle smile, the two perpetuated the moment together.
But what actually most attracted his attention was of course the photo of Sarah when she was alone. And this is the only picture he has. With the sunlight bouncing gently on his face, the cool air was all around them, which made his charms radiate even more vividly. He then recalled playing on his computer, intending to look through the photo in question, before he decided to steal it secretly.
He also knew that Sarah actually caught what he was doing, but he did absolutely nothing to stop it. Which shows that he likes it too. Then under the illumination of the half moon, and between the illumination of the dimly lit oil lamp, he tried to observe all the parts of his face thoroughly. Observing all the points he had not realized before. That might make it even more beautiful to look at.
Sarah, as she recalled, had a small mole just below her left lip, which was opposite the mole under her right eye, a sign she had rarely noticed before. But strangely enough, it was precisely his whereabouts right now that made him suddenly even sweeter to look at. Sometimes he ran out of power on his phone again. Because there's no power supply or anything like that. This is the reality that he really hates.
A part of her also wonders if Sarah feels the same way for her. One fact he'll never know. And more than once the question haunts him, making him feel as if he made the wrong decision. They can meet somewhere else. Anywhere that's just for the two of them. For something romantic maybe. But this is what happened. She knew she had to move on with her life, because she also had responsibilities that she had to fulfill now.
In the days that followed, when the sky was completely dark, he often found himself lamenting the night sky, feeling himself vanishing in their infinite void. Because they were only a few kilometers apart, but it was too difficult to unite.
Sometimes, he also could not hide his disappointment from the people around him. Especially when they had a slight problem with their health, where he could only deal with them with half a heart. Because the concentration is divided for the other. He had no friends he could talk to there. The fact that he is also a loner. And this is what makes her feel miserable for even longer. Three weeks, he repeats it in his heart, and that means another 504 hours until he can meet. But in reality, he could not even hold back more than half of it.
Thursday, when he finally set foot in Welmina again, this is where he can let go of his longing for a moment. He immediately said that he had just arrived. And it was quite pleasant for him, when the reply he received in a matter of seconds. Although the response was not always the same as he had previously expected. It's only been a week, why are you back? My father would go berserk if he saw you here! What Sarah said through the message. She knew that Sarah also did not really expect her arrival there. But that was enough to amuse himself a little.
Next, he'll say if Sarah's the one who caused it this way. And when Sarah asks why she blames him, she refrains from being forthright. He knew that Sarah also understood the direction of his words. And it seems, Sarah is also exploring the situation that exists between them.
Ryan never called her directly. He also wanted to hear his voice there. Talking to him made him even more nervous. Perhaps this is for someone who is familiar with rejection here, apparently facing that uncertainty is more frightening than accepting rejection in person. So this is what he did as the weeks ended. He's going back and forth from and back to Welmina again. In a time span of just a day or two. He might look stupid for that one job. But love really changes everything, doesn't it? Anyone can see the difference easily.
It was only on the next Thursday, which meant that it had been three times since he had gone back and forth from and to Welmina again, that he had begun to dare to call her. And here's the first time he's been blunt. He said his life had suddenly felt strange over the past few days. And he also told me that he kept thinking about their togetherness. From the time of dinner on the riverbank on the eve of the new year, when going to the waterfall then caught rain together, to the few nights he spent at his home. He said it really meant everything to him. She felt more beautiful when she could think about it. Sarah, maybe he didn't say anything in response. But he was also happy when Ryan could tell the story. He could hear his laughter there. Looking forward to a miracle or whatever.
She hasn't said she really loves him. He never even praised her as beautiful or anything. It was only three days later, Sunday which was his shortest time in Welmina, that he really could not help but be straightforward.
In the message, which he sent in five or six verses of the paragraph, he finally said he loved her very much. He is the one who makes his life this way, he is the one he wants to accompany his time forward, not just for his free time, but for all his remaining time. He wanted to see the future with her. He even said that he would marry her later. He realized it was the stupidest thing he ever did for the sake of feeling. Because it's inappropriate, isn't it, if he only revealed it through a message? Which he never even expected to do. The fear of losing really made him not know what else to do.
In other words, she just wanted Sarah to know what she felt like. Then give him a chance to really express it. In the hope that he does not go to another heart. In fact he promised to speak it verbally at their upcoming meeting. A part of him also feels anxious, afraid, but happy all the time. Although equally surprising also is Sarah who never responded to every verse of messages that she sent him. He doesn't know what he's feeling. Maybe he thinks he's just not fully ready. There are a variety of scenarios that might happen. Nothing is impossible in this world, right?
On Sunday, a few days before those painful times ended, Ryan finally decided to set foot on Welmina again. He opened his phone as soon as he got there. Then send him a message if he wants to see him immediately. He didn't even have to wait long until Sarah gave an answer. And immediately set foot into Sarah's house until the full second of the drama was over. He could feel the stinging sunlight all over his body. It didn't even take much longer until he was actually sweating. But this was their first meeting since eighteen days apart. Which to him, even like a lifetime.
Outside, Otto's vehicle was parked right next to his house. Which indicates if he's inside now. However, he still forced himself to continue stepping in. In front of the door, he knocked on the door before knocking again. While calming the anxious feelings that occur in him. And it wasn't just Otto that made me this way. But it is also more towards Sarah who now knows very well what she feels like. In other words, he could not forever behave as usual this time around. He could not act cool in front of her, or just pretend. Because there's nothing to cover up anymore.
In the end, Sarah came out the door. And he was almost always just as surprised every time he came. Although still look enthusiastic to see his presence there.
“Gosh. My dad's at home. Are you sure you dare to meet him?” Welcome him while smiling. Times with a barely whispering tone.
“I know. That's why I came.” Then reply. He smiled again before he could.
She was wearing a dress this time. With long hair that he tied behind. Ryan refused when he asked in. So they just sat on the porch of his house again. Although he also could not start the conversation immediately while he was there.
“So, what brought you here?” Said Sarah, instantly making her consciousness again. “And don't tell me you don't know why!" He added again and he laughed.
Looks like Sarah can catch Ryan's nervous attitude here. That's why he opened the conversation. But instead of answering exactly as he asked, Ryan actually took him to talk about other things.
“You didn't receive my message?”
“Which message...?”
“Message I sent you a few days ago. Um... You remember right... when I expressed my feelings?” Legally. Stuttered. Still anxious to get started. He felt blood immediately flood his face.
Next, there was a pause before Sarah spoke again. But his answer again made him tense.
He knows all that stupidity. Even he was well aware that he would immediately feel the impact later. But falling in love with her was completely different from her entire previous experience. That suddenly made her some kind of obsession, her biggest priority, which she could no longer hold back from. What he felt made him always afraid to do something wrong. Something that might hurt him. But strangely, the fear made him unable to control himself anymore. Even just for a little while.
“I know. But I'm sorry. I just don't have a choice. Because we can't meet soon. So..., I had to do it, right? I just want you to know Sarah, that's all. I mean my feelings.” So that you do not go to another heart, he said again in his heart. “But I do have plans to say it later. I mean orally.” This time in a clear tone.
He saw Sarah turn away for a moment. Trying to avoid his eyes. Seemed like he was considering something. But until the thrilling moments ended, he still did not say anything. From here he knew that he was playing with his feelings.
“Then how's Sarah? I mean..., I need your answer now?” Finally he asked again.
This time he laughed again. “I don't know... I'm so embarrassed now..” That's all he said. “But..., can we not discuss it again? I mean not now?” Then he continued again.
To be honest, he was disappointed to hear the answer. Alongside all the anxiety he felt. Only, he did not know how to question all of that and without forcing his feelings. Prefer to keep it to himself. It seems like it is not the time to go any further. That was why he started to get busy thinking about new topics of conversation. So they can talk again. But Otto suddenly appeared before them. That momentarily stopped the two of them together.
“When comes Ryan?” Ask immediately. And they both turned towards the door when they heard his voice.
“Oh..., just got sir..!” Sally, while offering a very soft smile.
“From yesterday not to work?”
“Already sir. I'm new..”
“Why come back again?” Ask again. While he felt a tension that began to gather in his stomach. Apparently his friendly attitude did not have any effect. And that is how it is carried on everyone. Which makes me silent a thousand languages.
“He wants to shop for a minute! Maybe tomorrow will be back!” Sarah said, before she could respond. That made the whole interrogation stop. Sarah just saved him here.
Otto left without answering. Other than just telling him to come back immediately if the business was done.
“Don't leave the task too long. My eyes hurt to keep seeing you here!” Added anyway. Without a smile, and still with the attitude of his feet.
The two saw Otto walking towards his motor later. Sarah and Ryan were watching behind. And before long, he only saw Sarah who was laughing.
It seemed like he could breathe a sigh of relief now.
“Your father, doesn't seem to like me?” He said, immediately understanding the situation.
“Yes, you know yourself right,”
“But he already knows that I just came from work.”
“Maybe because of your attitude first. Because you still like to hook up. It's not the end of the month anyway. So naturally he is not happy to see you here!”
He's nodding. Don't know what else to say. It seemed, he could only thank. Although he did not elaborate further when Sarah asked him why.
He felt lucky that the meeting was really their last meeting for the day. And he couldn't imagine what it would be like, if Otto still found it in his house. Sarah may have saved him for those critical moments. But it won't happen a second time.
They also discussed a few things before the two separated. Ryan asked if he could take her for a walk. Sarah answered without much consideration. “I'll love it very”. That was what he said, along with his enthusiastic attitude. For a moment, he might also have a little trouble finding a suitable place.
But once again, Sarah was able to cut down the contents of her mind that was at a standstill. As well as alluding to his habit of going out of the house often or something. While in his heart he began to realize that he was actually a lousy man. But of course he never expected Sarah to realize it.
So this is what ended their togetherness that afternoon.
