A Memorandum

Storia 10: Confession

One day in August, Sarah invited him to spend a short time on the banks of the Mara river. For him it was a surprise. Because it was Sarah who had never offered such ideas before. They have walked both ways many times. But those ideas were still Ryan who planned them. After all, men need to be more active in opening relationships, right? And when Sarah first started it, she felt it was really something. Ryan probably didn't pay much attention to his reserved nature in the first seconds of their meeting. And he still thinks it is good news for this development. She just felt that Sarah might feel tired from continuing to be at home. That's why he then needs someone to share his feelings.

He picks Sarah up on schedule, and they decide on foot. He also knew that Sarah was just getting ready when she got there. Her hair still looked wet, and she could feel the scent of farfum radiating from the direction of her body. It makes her beauty feel more. Previously, Ryan had ventured to meet him directly at home. Although he did not know whether Otto would allow him to take his daughter away or not. As usual, she knocks on the door every time she comes, even if the house is open. But this time, he was directly facing Otto in front. And immediately asked for his permission to take Sarah out. Luckily, he also showed no sign of rejection. Although his cynical face was still not completely gone. She felt, maybe if it wasn't for Sarah, she wouldn't have seen her hospitality here. He also knew that Otto wouldn't mind if someone took his daughter for a walk. But still he's not one of them.

The place they were heading to was the floodplain that was on the banks of the Mara river this time. The location is right on one of the river bends. For hundreds of years, the Mara river brought a lot of mud to the place. Which will dry up when the long dry season comes. Before leaving a fine precipitate that feels like a mound of sandy soil. In the past, the place was just a form of unique nature that had been neglected. But now, the place is almost always crowded if the holiday atmosphere has just arrived. Welmina residents, old or young, used to relax in that place. Where they often do it without using footwear. Indeed, people will never fill every point as far as the eye can see. But it still won't diminish the perfect moments when they're there.

“How? You like the place, right?” This time Sarah opened the conversation when they had just arrived.

“If I'm with you.” God's to him. And he could see his smile widening. Know if that's successful enough.

The two were sitting near a large acacia tree now, with one long bench just below. While starting to feel the wind that continues to hit their faces. Until the question of Sarah's father came back to Ryan's mind.

“Your father, doesn't seem to have changed much,”.

“You mean?”

“Tadi, when I met him at home.”.

“No need for you to think. He'll allow.” anyway Sarah's Law. Not completely answering what he asked.

He then fell silent for a moment. “Did your father forbid you close to a man, Sarah?” Then ask again.

“No. Why?”

“Include me?”

He smiled before answering. “My father has never barred me from being close to anyone Ryan Soft leg. “But if he does not like others, he can indeed hold for a long time.”

“Oh.., I don't know if he'll continue to be. I dare to face him anyway, right? When I asked for permission for you.”

“Yes, if that's what you're worried about, I'll talk about it later.” As if he could read his mind. Although somehow, when Sarah said that to him, she did not feel that she would obey him. But of course he kept that thought to himself.

There was a pause before he spoke again. “Have you been here before, Sarah?” This time he asked again.

“Entertainment. Actually, here's my favorite place since childhood.”

“Oh, really? You must be running around here? Swim all day there. Maybe you did it with your dad?”

He looked at her seriously. But he could see her smile. “Not completely true. I mean, I just did it with my friends.” Said. “Even I remember when we climbed this tree together.”

“You mean, the tree behind us?”

He could not hide the shock from his tone. Then look at the tree. Imagine the hands of those who cannot hold them until their hands meet. But he did not find a single reason if Sarah was just joking.

“Yes, the tree behind us.” And Sarah seemed pleased with her surprise. “We even raced to get to the highest peak. But I always lose many times.” Further again.

“Because of your opponent boy?”

“Ya, there you go.” Said.

He started thinking about it this time. And even though those times are long gone, but the shadow feels good.

“Now, are you still happy to climb it?”

He glanced at her, and again smiled, but added nothing to the conversation. I know Ryan was joking. Before he goes back.

“No, from a long time ago it was this big.”

He turned towards her. “Really?” Legally. Again surprise was heard from his tone, but amazed at the same time. “So this is your reunion. I think you should say hello to him. Maybe he still remembers you, Sarah. ‘Hi tree, I'm little Sarah first! I'm sorry I climbed up on you so often. You remember, right?’ Let's say Sarah! I'm sure he would have loved it!”

“You're funny now?” Without regard for his expression.

“In fact, but not completely successful. Because you're not laughing, are you?”

“Not really... I'm really laughing now.” Legally. And he really laughed.

The two continued to sit there, until the sun began to hide behind the hill. And that means there's still an hour left before Ryan has to drive her home. Which makes the situation a little difficult to live. Because obviously, he didn't want that pleasant day to end soon. Right before them, people were unceasingly passing by. Where they always throw friendly smiles every time they pass. But then again, Ryan continued to feel there was something different about the way Sarah treated him throughout the day. He suddenly became more quiet. And he doesn't know what's grabbing his attention. Sarah took him away both.

“You don't plan on continuing your education anymore, Sarah? I think it's good for you?” Now he's back on the conversation.

And he also asked that not only as a basis for his consideration. But it was also because of Sarah's education that allowed her to have a much better life. And he also felt it was good if he started asking about the future. Because the next one, it might just involve the two of them.

“I don't know. I think it might. If the opportunity does exist.”

Again, he did not catch the enthusiastic feeling of his answer. And that's not usually when they're discussing expectations. Even though he didn't know how to lure her to talk.

There was a pause before he spoke again.

“I think you should do it, Sarah. I think your father would be even more proud, too, if you really did.” Then sahut.

But again, Sarah did not answer. And just let his comments float in the air. Before Ryan goes back.  “I.., actually also want to study Pharmacy, or medicine if necessary, but you know, it costs a lot. So... I can only bury my dreams deeply.”

This time his gaze began to return, and appeared to smile a little before answering. “But the reality is not too disappointing either, right? Considering you already have a regular job now.” He finally answered.

“Not a pride for me.” Clumsy leg. “Because I have to live here. It's like a prison to me. I just want my freedom back.” He knew if the answer came back to conflict with Sarah. Something he cannot avoid. Sarah did not deny it. He teased her with his words, “Ya, but still, I think there will be more girls interested in you!” He laughed then.

And he knows how to get involved in his game.

“Yes, I hope so too. But I would be happier if a beautiful girl like you were one of them!” The reply.

And Sarah then elbowed him. “You're kidding.”

“I'm serious. What do you think I'm going through my time with you for, right? Everything doesn't happen for no reason..?” Her mouth, and she turned a part of herself towards him. Sarah's silence made her even more courageous. “You occupy a special place for me, Sarah. You're the one I want to see every day. Even when I've never been comfortable living my time here, you make things change. You're the one who turned me like this.”

She looked at him, hoping he would do the same. Sarah did nothing either. His eyes continued to look into the distance again, piercing through the wilderness. But Ryan still felt his words were not enough. So this is what comes out of his deepest heart. A sentence he had long since written. He could even feel his heart beating fast.

“I like you Sarah. I mean, I really love you. I want to marry you one day. I really want to live with you. That's how I felt all along. If you want to know.”

For a moment he said that, he guessed that it would be difficult. But all of a sudden it felt easy as he revealed it. And he never felt at peace more than before. He was waiting for her to say something. Whatever it is to repay his feelings. Sarah has not said anything either. Even though he still looks faintly smiling. And this is what he always does when Ryan clearly reveals his feelings.

She did not know if Sarah also had the same hope that she felt at the time. Or just make it an escape. But this time he didn't seem to care. He clearly needs certainty. And that certainty would never have come if Sarah hadn't told him.

“I don't know.” But that was the only answer later. With his face that looks blushing. “You make me nervous. I want to enjoy a minute. And I need a friend. Can we not talk about it anymore. I mean for today.”

And as he understood before, he did like to hang his feelings here. She didn't know if Sarah really understood the situation. But clearly, it was not at all something that he expected to be in this relationship. And it would be easier, wouldn't it, if he just conveyed his feelings? In the end, he gave a rejection. But at least it's better because he who doesn't need to expect more.

He hated it when he didn't want to open up his feelings. He hates when he can't do anything again and again.

But the sun will soon disappear in the West now. And the light of the sky began to be in the form of colors. Then at about the same time, the darkness slowly moved from across the far East. While the orange sky tries to stall it a little longer. Yet he knew all of that would only be in vain, right in front of them. The murky river water reflects all these events. It is like a rug that walks on water. Until Purnama began to wake up from his long sleep. That was the end of their relationship that afternoon.