A Memorandum

Storia 19: Happy for Both

So here I am now, when I just finished half my story. The story I wrote a few hours earlier. But there's one more thing I need to do for a moment. Just like my other stories. Because this is where I have to tell him in detail.

He will always be the first reader for every story I make. I like it when he does. Because he always had a good taste for a story. And he really became my savior here. Someone who makes this whole story feel perfect. Not only for the collection of stories created through the pen, but also for the whole story that became part of my life. For from the first time I knew him, I had never felt anything but happiness.

We live in a residential complex located right in the middle of Bandung. It has also been one of my biggest dreams for a long time. And it's not just because I went back to where I was as a child, but also because life forced us to do this. We always have a good picture if the future always starts from within the city, which is why we need to work on everything there.

The night had long fallen, and the rain had stopped since a few hours ago, yet the light of the sky was still nowhere to be seen. I don't know if the rain will continue again, but obviously the air will get colder again from now on.

With slightly tired eyes, I started staring at the watch on my left hand. It's almost nine o'clock by now. I guess it's time I left my workroom for a moment, and headed for the room downstairs. I had to take a few more steps to get there, before I could meet him in the room. And inside, he was also not sleeping or doing anything.

I didn't knock on the door before I came in, like I always do. Our relationship has really set me free to do that. I also know if he feels the same way about me. He smiled gently at me, and I returned his smile with all my feelings. Another perfection of our love. A feeling that will never change at any time.

And there he was now, sitting on his bed, while the blanket covered almost half of his body. Even inside, I could still feel the cold temperature creeping in from outside. We don't have any heating in this house. After all, living in a tropical climate is not designed with that one object. I might be able to endure it for the present condition, but maybe not her.

My wife, she's pregnant with her second child now. One month before entering the final trimester. And these are the umpteenth years of our marriage. Six more months will be our next year. He had brought so much happiness into this little family. Especially after the birth of our first daughter four years ago. I have never felt more blessed than that.

A week ago, the doctor performed a number of examinations on her. Before saying if he might give birth to another baby girl. A reality that may be slightly contrary to expectations. But I've always learned not to put my trust so easily. Because sometimes reality can feel confusing. So it would be wise to allow time to answer it. Especially men or women, in the end it still feels the same.

I moved my legs back towards her, before sitting right beside her, and using the same blanket to cover us both. I kissed her cheeks, and she gave me a very gentle smile. And this really feels good. When two people love each other, marriage is the only sacred thing that can unite both hearts. It makes everything suddenly feel beautiful. I think I really am the luckiest man on earth.

"Is Alicia asleep?" His voice was hypnotic in my ear. I want to hear it again and again.

"Yes" this time I answered with a smile.

I gently touched her hand, wrapped my one arm around her waist, before pulling it towards me. I let her put her face on my chest, nodding it for a moment there, letting her hear my heartbeat. Who now feels strong and organized as my feelings of love grow for her. I believe he is the only reason that keeps me alive and alive.

"What's this?" Ask, when I handed her my book.

"That's the story I just wrote...,"

So he muttered now, "Oh..., is that it? So what's the story of this time?" And he smiled.

"Um.. a bit of a true story.., and a little imagination of course."

This time he started to study my expression. "So you're combining the two?"

"Yes. Actually, but that's a story I promised you,"

She turned her face to look at me, and I kissed her gently back there.

"You mean, you're starting to make up stories about the two of us?" He asked, his tone filled with an enthusiastic tone again. I could even see his eyes sparkling as he asked that. A story he had been waiting for a long time.

"Yes, the story after." Fast Sahutku. "I mean.., the story's not finished yet. I guess I need your help to perfect it all."

He took another moment to think for a moment, imagining what I had just said.

"All right," then he said. And with his smile, he began to take the book out of my hands. Then in silence began to read it.

Minutes pass. And I can see the seriousness there. As he focused his attention on word for word. I might want to compliment her beauty that night. But I tried so hard to hold myself back. Sometimes beauty will feel better if enjoyed with calmness. A thinker as well as a loner like me, I think people like us can always find it in an easier way.

Books are another world. And we don't just enjoy it by reading it. We look at it both, find something interesting from there, and sometimes, we also discuss every character we find. About how they built the storyline, as well as what if the story had to end this way. This is what keeps our ideas flowing. Strange things, which suddenly provoke so much closeness, and make everything feel romantic.

But once again the clock kept on clanging. And the reality is that I can't avoid it.

"What's this?" Suddenly said. He hasn't even finished half of my story. "You're telling me about us? But I've never known a story like this?"

And it finally happened again.

**********

Stories will always differ between real stories and imaginations. Most of which is of course about the amount of drama that is put into the story. Where imagination means more freedom to include more drama, while the real story becomes the opposite. But after all, great stories always come from great imagination. About how to play a person's feelings, logic, to the emotions that are in him. They could even touch one's soul without doing any physical. Making others unconsciously feel beauty.

I know I write more stories based on my past. A story that has something to do with someone else. But rarely can he take me for granted. Because he's always waiting for our story. Which even I still couldn't give until this moment.

Maybe that sounds ridiculous to you. But I know the reason that makes it this way. When he did not feel it was fair, but he was the one who had been there for me all along. My wife, she can really awaken the pent-up soul that exists in a person, that even others will never find. And he is the one who made me the way I am now. I think it's only natural that he expects an appropriate reply.

But then again, "It's not time yet, baby," that's what I used to tell her. Even though he could never take it well. I might be able to understand his attitude. But I don't think it can be like this forever, right?

"Who's Sarah? It seems like he's the main character in this story." This time he started to talk. "So you said this is a story about us, right? And this, Welmina? This is where you used to work? You didn't give me a synopsis I could understand. Is he one of your ex?"

His face hinted at his disbelief in me. I guess my gentle demeanor just vanished from inside his head.

"He's not my ex...? You overestimate it. My ex isn't much?" I tried to laugh.

"Then who is he? You have to explain it to me?"

I know I can't hide it much longer. There's no reason for me to cover it up, right? Especially in marriage, there should be no secrecy.

"You remember that woman we met a week ago?" I said, finally said it. "She was wearing the blue dress at your seminar that night. When I met you in the lobby? Before we have dinner?"

Each profession, always seems to have its own way of developing their work activities. And this is what I did when I accompanied him to one of the hotels in Numangan Jakarta. When he had to attend a meeting like I meant. I think the event was indeed attended by representatives from all over Indonesia. That's why I was able to see him again that night.

And I can see it repeating what happened that night before. Putting himself back there. Even at a glance, I immediately knew what he was thinking.

"Oh..., that woman at the time?" He shot me and started to mutter. I guess his tone is full of suspicion now. "I'm beginning to understand. That's why you've been staring at him for so long, right? You can even hold her hand."

Pretty stupid actually, when he interpreted it like that. But I learned not to look weak in front of him. Experience made my survival instinct grow better. Moreover, for so many years we have been living together, I think I can understand the situation so easily.

"Well, I guess I hear a tinge of jealousy right now?"

"I'm not jealous." Backwardly. This time his tone sounded defensive.

"really?" Sahutku. "But I don't hear it that way..." In fact, I'm still trying to show my smile there. I hope it affects him too.

However, I did not see him in the slightest.

"I just. You always make up stories about other people, and it turns out you've been in love with them. Did you promise not to do it again?"

"So what should I do?" this time I protested. "We know, it's my job right now, right? And we both understand if this could happen. Can't you change that way too?" I talked to him. But he seemed reluctant to respond to me at all.

I pulled it towards me. Makes her lean back against my chest.

"Listen baby, you don't have to doubt it, do you? I mean," he made a gesture to look at me. "What I feel for you. That's why I married you. I'm just happy when we look to the future together. You gave me a life too beautiful. All of this is totally incomparable. I always loved you. You were my best dream all along. You're the only reason that makes me happy. So why would I choose to go back to my past. Maybe that sounds exaggerating to you, but that's how I feel about you."

His face flushed with his smile. His next comment, even he was unable to cover his feelings of pleasure.

"But you always lie."

"What part of me lies to you?"

"When you promise not to make up stories about other people, you're supposed to stick to it." Said again. I just found out if he can be this selfish.

"That's not what it means. I was planning to write it at the end of the story. I mean the story of both of us. That's why I need your help, right?"

He glanced at me briefly. But still showed his face there. "You always promise, but in the end lie again, too,"

"Yes, I'll just apologize again."

He doesn't answer me anymore. But still respond to me with the pinch.

*********

Living in a city like Bandung, makes you have to have an extra plan in the face of tomorrow. Because the life activities that run are very dense. It's all about time. And the phrase time is money really applies here.

I often see people who race to find work. They have to be thrown from one building to another. And never come out carrying anything from there. Even letter carriers need to scramble for services to be the fastest. Education does not always guarantee a better life status. People could even be easily thrown off a path that was not his field at all. Economists who suddenly become makeup artists, IT experts who become park rangers, or legal scholars who try their luck in the field of photography. Or maybe even his fate is as miserable as mine. I may have worked as a government employee, if that could be a record. The previous one could give a little self-esteem injection. But now, the story seems to be no longer able to continue.

Our family may be a little lucky because of my wife. Because of the status and employment rights they have. We built a small pharmacy that also became the buttress of family life. And this was part of his dreams that finally came true. Although he also did not help me much in the project. I know he has a much better life than me. Which made me feel not enough in front of him. Maybe the book I wrote could make me not completely lose face. But today, I know I can't bring ideas from my story anymore. At least for some time.

I knew the first time I showed her that her mood was not good. Or maybe he just needs it to be more self-indulgent. Sometimes, a woman wants more attention and without ever saying it. Maybe this is one of them. But then again, I almost forgot the most important thing in our relationship.

"Where will we go on vacation?" He suddenly asked in the middle of our time to relax. Which immediately astonished me.

The only option, it looks like I'm not taking him away from Bandung. But when I was busy thinking about it, he answered it for me first.

"You must have forgotten, isn't it any minute what day?" Ask again, this time with a slightly upset face.

And, oops.

I knew he would blame me. Before my consciousness really came back. "Oh. Of course I remember ..." My word. And I'm trying to piece together my reasons. "You mean our wedding celebration? I'm thinking about it too. But it looks like we're not going anywhere." I started pretending.

"Why?"

"That's because the baby's in your belly, right?"

He glanced briefly at his stomach, thinking of my answer, before finally speaking again. "He'll be fine. I can take care of myself. Really." This time he smiled.

"Ummm.... I don't know. But I still don't take that as a good suggestion," I said gently. Even though I knew he wouldn't take it for granted. And he always had a good reason to keep arguing with me.

We have a routine to celebrate every year. And we never missed the moment even once. In the first year, we missed our honeymoon on the island of Bali. In the third year, we had a relaxing night in Yogyakarta. We also went to Singapore once. That was one of our trips abroad. Even at other times, I've heard of his desire to go to Paris. But I can't grant her request for the current one. Not if it's like this.

"So you want to lock me up all day at home? After all, this is not my own will." He said again, shrugging his shoulders.

"You mean the baby's will?"

"Yes, it's like that, isn't it?" And he came back laughing.

I think he had prepared it long before. As if he could get through it from me.

"We can go to Bali again if you don't mind. They have the best service. There is even a spa for pregnant women. I can book the tickets now. Including his itinerary."

"No...,"

He swallowed his saliva. But I haven't seen him give up. "Uh, if you don't want to, how about going to the top? Fresh air is good for fetal development."

"You like to argue, right now?"

"Not really... I guess I just know better what's best for me. And you should believe me, right? Women are stronger than men." As if it was giving me pleasure with his words.

Then he waited for a while, before I said anything. And he put both his hands right on my chest. I think I can feel her beauty forever now. "Then, what's your answer, baby?" He whispered back.

Next, he brought his face close to me. Our views are locked together now. And I kissed her lips again before she did it to me.

"I don't know. But you really don't want to give up! I don't want to hurt you, but I can't change my decision. So my answer is still no. And.. don't say anything anymore! Ok!" I tried to smile. But he seemed annoyed by my answer. But strangely enough, this is what makes it even more interesting. I stretched out my hand to grab it, then grabbed it again towards me.

"You can't get angry either! I'm just doing this for you anyway. I don't want anything bad to happen." I put my finger under her cheek, made her look back at me. "But, actually I already have plans to celebrate. If that's what you want. It might be a little different from the days before, but everything will still feel special."

"really?"

"Yes" I said softly, and I looked back at her smile.

At the same time, I also began to tighten my grip on her. While he began to return my grasp. I don't think he'll ever doubt my love.

********

A privilege of course, when I was able to marry her five years ago. Moreover, the happiness that I get is far more valuable than I have ever felt in my entire life. And I'm not saying that those changes only apply to me. Because for the first time, he managed to repair the crack that once existed in the middle of our family.

"You have to mend your relationship with your family. Otherwise, I won't marry you!" He said, when I stated my proposal to him.

I know it doesn't feel fair to me. But what can I do? And he gave me absolutely no other choice there.

I know some of you must have thought that I did it because I had to. And I guess another part of me said that too. But is it true that I married her by lying to her. I think I could have done it by pretending. Just to fulfill my ambition. But then again, something tells me that love and openness are inseparable. Further down in my heart, I also want the same peace. It's just that, for my situation, I don't want to be the one to start it first either. Because I wasn't the first to do it. In other words, I can only do it when all my problems are completely lifted from me. But this is what he gave. Which I can't bargain for anymore.

"Life is not as simple as we think. Not infrequently we make mistakes, which are possible without us knowing. If only you'd run into a lot of trouble in our lives, would you hate me too? I'm not saying that for myself! But for both of us. Maybe you can learn something from there. Prove that you're really different. I mean, if you think they're failing, you don't have to be like them, do you? Knowledge should make a person live in a better way." Clearly again.

And when I frowned, he added it again. "I also say that because I care about you, Ryan. And if you're like you said, if you really love me, you have to prove that you can make me happy. I want you to sacrifice a little here. I don't want to see your arrogance, or your stubbornness."

At the end of the week, I took her to my family. Where they introduce themselves to each other.

"I'm Hannah" she said. "We've been friends for a long time!"

And that's where he started to enter my life. Which instantly stopped all long feuds in our family.

I know that our relationship may never be as good as the rest of the family. Because it is a bond that should be built from the beginning. That might have something to do with psychology, something about trauma, which I also can't eliminate or try to explain. The next four months, when I married her, that was where the happiest day of my entire life happened. And I won't forget that special day, when we exchanged rings on each other's fingers. Where he begins to complete my life, I complete his life. And both of us, we really make this life feel perfect.

A year later, it brought a little happiness again to the middle of this family. With the birth of our first daughter, Alicia. And for me, it was the greatest gift he ever gave me.

Three months ago, we just celebrated his fourth birthday. I think Alicia is also very happy to be reunited with her grandmother. And even though I couldn't familiarize myself with them, I could still feel that happiness up close. Tacit attention, and without others realizing it, might slightly restore the lost bond between us. I love it when Alicia laughs. I love it when he repeatedly expresses his longing. Things that can evoke memories in my past. Memories in the form of wounds that suddenly seemed to be treated.

But that was three months ago. Almost a hundred times when the sun rises and sets again. And now, I have to look at the same time in front of him. On our wedding anniversary, we waited in plain sight.

*********

There were many changes that occurred during her pregnancy. Which is not only physical, but also psychic. Sometimes, the idea of starting a family brings more stress to women. Which makes me have to try to pay more attention.

There was a time where I had to take on a little homework, or even a number of kitchen affairs. In other words, I began to replace the part that was indeed a little vital now. I'm responsible for the family breakfast. I took Alicia to school (she's in kindergarten now), including taking her to bed. Luckily, Alicia also never demanded much. She's really the quietest little girl I've ever seen.

Actually, I've been worrying about Hannah lately. Because her pregnancy is now more difficult than her first pregnancy. He had to vomit many times in the first months. This time, I even had to see some edema again. But what pisses me off is her un-fundamental fear of the hospital. Even going shopping is more fun than checking his health.

We still go shopping occasionally. There really isn't much to spend. Because Alicia's clothes can still be inherited or something. And it's like just yesterday I heard Alicia cry when she was a baby, but now all she left behind was her clothes getting smaller. We used to go around block by block, hands holding tight, no matter what all the eyes looked at. But specifically on that day, I tried to refuse to follow his will. So I lied to her about shopping, I lied about our conversation. What I do because I really care about him.

As usual, he always looks enthusiastic when the vehicle crosses the city streets. The same view has been seen thousands of times. But my little secret will soon be exposed.

"This is not a shopping place. Why did you bring me here?" He asked, when I suddenly parked the car in front of the clinic. I saw a momentary confusion from his face, which was mixed with a feeling of annoyance and a little fear.

But I try to smile.

"I knew. But we have to get here first!" Sahutku.

We had a little argument outside. But I didn't want to give him another choice. For this I know very well, if he does not like to attract attention. And when all the busy eyes were watching us, I thought it was urgent enough to get here.

Dr. Risa has always been empathetic and friendly. I think every patient can feel his calm. And it always looks interesting. But to be honest, she looks more like a mother than a doctor.

"Luck it! It's her second pregnancy, right?" He said, touching Hannah's arm, then smiling.

They did a number of tests there. A number of examinations are commonly done between the obstetrician and his patient. Seraya presents it through the image of the monitor. I know exactly what it shows there, though I'm not sure I can explain in detail.

The doctor said if the body is in good condition. Before offending the baby girl he was carrying again. A reality I have heard many times. I remember coming out of the room feeling happy, but I didn't see any signs of it on my wife. I know he's still mad at me. And he really hates me for the reason I love him.

Time pass. This time, his movements slowed down. His breathing also looked shorter than usual. Sometimes, he will complain of his lost confidence due to his growing body. He said he looked ugly in front of the mirror. But more than once, I encouraged her by saying she was still beautiful. I know he's asked me repeatedly for honesty. But to me, my wife will always be beautiful in my heart.

Next, I'll hear him again complaining of back pain or cramps in his legs. For this, all I could do seemed to just give her a gentle massage there. I know he always liked it when I did that. And want it again and again. Knowledge can always make things easier. But then again, the clock continued to tick. And I can't prevent those tense moments from happening again right now.

In August 2019, Hannah was admitted to the hospital for the second time. Nurses and doctors surrounded him. When he felt unbearable pain. I heard him screaming, grimacing, while veins all over his body started popping up. Everyone was trying to support, the doctors were paying attention, but it seemed like I was the only one who felt fear. Sometimes a number of men become very fragile when dealing with this condition. I wish there was something I could do. But all I could do seemed to be accompany him there, let him hold my hand, and brush off my pain as he nearly crushed my bone. I knew I wouldn't take that pain even if the opportunity was there. Besides I won't be able to, I also don't want the honor to be lost. This is what makes women different, right? They are valued, loved, because their lives are special.

And finally once again, he again added a little happiness to the middle of this family. By giving birth to her baby boy. And it's like knowledge trying to trick me this time. But I think I deserve to be proud. Not giving up everything on knowledge.

The doctor congratulated, the nurses showed their pleasure.

"You never stopped bringing happiness to me. I love you more than you know." Whisper me, when I kissed her forehead and her cheeks.

I brought our little son into our midst. My little hero. And again that day we began to shed tears together.

I relive all the memories that have happened. When I knew her, when I married her. Until then, he will continue to be someone who makes me excited to wake up the next day. The most special person who ever was in my life. Someone I want to keep sharing good memories for the rest of my time. It started when he bought me freedom. But anyway, I knew he had done all his parts. So I guess it's my turn now.

And I know how to make her happy.

********

The night was a little quiet. The temperature also felt a little warmer. We could not see the moon above the sky. But the starlight was enough to brighten the night. Millions, billions, who have continued to radiate their light since the universe began.

"Beautiful night" he said. His view leads to space. So I can't see his face.

"Yes, but you're more amazing than all that!" I teased him, and he liked it.

I touched her hand, brought it towards me, before subconsciously feeling her ring there. I know the same ring is also attached to my ring finger. And this is not just a decoration. Rather than a symbol, a binder, about a strong feeling if we love each other and will always love. Because that's where the great days keep coming from. She was twenty-four when I married her, and I was twenty-seven. And today, we have lived for six years living together.

A few hours ago, we had a little surprise as a celebration. This time it involves Alicia. Although I actually made a little mistake.

Alicia, just suddenly asked in her innocence. Ask him to blow the birthday cake I mean. Before I stop him with my answer.

"Why do you want to blow out the candles? Aren't you the birthday one?" Sahutku. Of course I'm half-joking. But Hannah suddenly mediated me.

"Sshhh.., yeah. You can blow out the candle, baby" he replied, warning me by looking me in the eye.

"I'm just kidding."

"Yes, you don't have to." He smiled at me.

Wedding celebrations are not just a tradition, but also a reminder. Back review years of togetherness, introspection, differences or perhaps promises ever made. Marriage would never go on without these things. A house is like a sailing ship. Where I'm at, while he's my guide. And together, we built this whole ship together.

Next, I took a small parcel in my pocket. Handed it to him. It contained nothing much, only a golden necklace with a small red jewel in its eyes. But I knew it would feel soft and sweet upon sight.

"Look, this is all I can give you!"

Even with the slightest surprise, he seemed to be fixated for a moment. And his face began to glow. "It's so pretty!" Her voice was sweet and soft in my ears. I don't think my choice was in vain.

"You want to wear it now?" Ask again.

And he answered me with his smile.

I started to take it off her neck, gently move her hair, I could even feel the smoothness of her skin on my fingers. The smell I felt from his body brought me back to life.

"You look so pretty tonight."

He did not answer me anymore, but still smiled meaningfully there.

Love gives energy. Here's what I know. And it's not just a chemical reaction that's going on in my brain. Because it's the one that's flowing in my blood right now. I could even feel my soul and body tremble.

*********

We didn't close the show with dinner. But there is still one thing we do. Outside, the night is getting more and more slumbering. And the stars are showing more and more light now. I could even see her light blistering in her soft eyes. Even though the air temperature is starting to get colder.

"Have the children fallen asleep?" He asked me. While leaning his weight over my shoulder.

"Yes" and I nodded at him.

"It's cold outside,"

"I knew. That's why I'm near you, right?" Reply softly.

I pulled it towards me. And he looked back into my eyes. Under the starlight, his eyes increasingly glittered now.

"Do I make you warm?" Again he did not answer me. But I can see his smile. This is how he shows his pleasure.

We were in the open room that night. Small yard right behind the house. There is a small pond there, garden lights, and also a variety of flowers. We spent time sitting on the chair. She was beside me, the blanket covered both of us, the candle lit on the table. For this, I know very well that Hannah is still recovering. It's only been two months since our first son, Dicky, was born. But he will always be like me. With regard to that day as a special day, and of course a pride.

He traced my fingers, tightened his grip there. I could also feel the warmth of his body as he leaned back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist, and again tightened my arms. Inside of me, I felt myself fully stirred.

We talk about pleasure, a number of secrets, and the desire in the years to come. We also talked about Alicia. When his teacher said he could make up stories for his playmates. Extraordinary things suddenly happen. Even when he could not read and write properly. I know where that talent comes from.

We talked for hours again and again. There's only us now. Between the night breeze, and awake from the crowd. It'll always be fun. And I knew that moment would go on forever. But actually, I also want to direct the conversation directly there. Moreover, the situation at that time was already very supportive of me. But before I could do it, Hannah went back to directing the story like this.

"About your previous story, did you finish it?" Then suddenly he asked.

Of course I didn't think he would come back to ask. Even though I still consider it good news. In fact, I laughed for my own heart. Trying hard not to show it.

"So you still read it?" I pretend. I know I need to be more patient here.

"Yes" he nodded. "I don't know if you've finished it?" Confused sahut.

Then I muttered too. "I'm actually confused, too. I don't know if I want to continue?"

"Why?"

"Because you're alone, right! You said you were always supportive of me, but I don't see him anymore."

He pulled himself behind him. "What's? How can you say that? I always support you!" Legally. His voice was full of disbelief.

"Yes, but I don't see it so from your last attitude. You remember, when I asked for your help, you were just being indifferent?"

I know very well now. The only way to make him desperate was to reverse his own words. Something opposite of him. But instead of turning, he turned his situation on me.

"I didn't say that." His protest. "I just don't like that you keep making up stories about other people. What else is that story about your ex, right?"

"He's not my ex. I thought you'd read it...?"

"Yes, I've read it." Again, without expression. "But that's even more disappointing." His comment back made my head slightly jerk. Even for a moment, I didn't know what to say. His body attitude was completely different.

But I know how to fix a little of his feelings.

"That's why I wanted to include a story about us, right? At the end of the story. To say that I'm happy with my life now. But you didn't give me a chance to finish."

He looked at my face, before drawing a conclusion with his words. "Oh.., so that's it..." Then he laughed. "But..., doesn't that sound like your revenge?"

I don't think he understands what I mean here. But after I thought once more, I guess he did try to corner me. Even in a good sense.

"Of course not. That's right." " My mouth without a second thought then laughed at him. "After all, right, I regret someone who wasn't meant for me?" My voice clearly sounds unconcerned. But finding the response, I guess Hannah still means something else.

"Yes.., but I think I can catch your frustration now!" This time he laughed.

I don't know why, but I guess I just imagined a different person right now, sitting in front of me. I turned her body. Make him look at me again.

"You always make things complicated, don't you? But I'm just telling you all the truth, Hannah. Really am. I don't want you to think of me as being too much either. But you really are special to me. And you will never be replaced. So why should I be angry if I get a much greater happiness than that right? You should know, and I'll never regret it. We can change, the world can change, but not for how I feel about you, right? That story, I just made it a story. Which I think is a good thing. And that's one thing I need to do. There is no other reason."

I'm looking at him now. His face still looks shiny. I even knew if there was not a single reason he would doubt my words. A sign that will never change. But I still think it's not enough. Which makes me continue again.

"I just want to enjoy our time together, Hannah. And how happy I am now. You've been a dream all my life. I love you, and will always love you. You're the greatest beauty I've ever had. The years we spent together were the best times I've ever had in my life. I won't forget it. As we age, I will relive those marvelous years, remembering them all. Because this is the only thing that makes me happy. Even for whatever is in this world, I will still choose you..."

"I knew. I'm just teasing you too, right?" Soft voice. I thought this time he was expressing his feelings. Which sounds so sweet. "But can we not talk about it anymore?" But continue again.

I know he's trying to hide his feelings again. Although he really doesn't have to do that either. But I guess women always have their own way of showing their feelings. Hannah is not an exception either.

For a moment, we sat in silence. While feeling the dew of the night slowly start to fall. Even when half the night was almost over, we were still reluctant to leave. Right in front of me, I still let Hannah rest her face on my chest. Then gently rub the hair that covered her face. And under the dim light, he looked even more dazzling now. But I almost kissed her lips again then, before she did it first to me.

"So, how else does the story go? I mean, a continuation of the book you wrote?" Ask again and he smiles.

"Um.so what do you want to know now?"

"Everything? Their marriage. Are you there? And also about the watch. You promised to give it to her, didn't you?"

I smiled at him. With all my heart. "I'm glad you asked. But.., I guess I can't say it right now," I meant to joke.

"So you want to hide the secret from me?" Stirred again.

"It's not...! I mean, you'll find out later, too..."

"You didn't give me a clue?"

I shut it down for a moment. As if it gave him some pleasure before I said it. "Yes, I keep giving it. But I can't come to their wedding..." Sahutku finally.