Waiting for the Light to Return
Chapter 9 - Illusion of Reality
For years of my career as a teacher from Kindergarten to Junior High, I was trained to be brave.
Dare to enter the classroom doorway to meet the children I just met.
Dare to enter the living room at school to face parents who bring complaints.
Even dare to enter a new managerial task every year.
I never felt afraid or doubt. Is there a new challenge? Breaking, Boss!
My bravery might be down on Tia.
Because of Tia, my daughter is an incredibly brave child.
When other children (his son Sari or Nia, or even Nadien) have to be incentivized to learn to crawl and walk, not with my Tia.
She crawled at 6 months and walked at 8 months.
The walk is also unique. He doesn't need a walker or any assistive devices.
I remember that afternoon Windra and I, who happened to be on holiday, were sitting across from each other, a few meters apart.
Tia we were standing while holding on to the sofa between us while laughing sweetly.
Then suddenly without us telling him, he walked quickly (nearly running) towards Windra. We were shocked.
...
But today, entering the restaurant, I betrayed my nature.
I, who used to walk into every room confidently, now deliberately linger behind the Sea and Josh.
Last night I prepared myself for today, this meeting.
But now, right in the deciding seconds, I doubt it is extraordinary.
Should I be doing this? Is this the right way?
Damn. Too late if you want to regret, because the two lovebirds who were with me had climbed the stairs to the entrance.
“Mbak, come in. I'm hungry nih”, call Sea.
I smiled faintly and replied, “Iya, you guys go first. Ma'am wants to go to the toilet first.”
Josh looked up and asked.
“You ordered what, Ma’am?”
I'm shaking.
“Later. You guys just go first. Don't wait for me, yes.”
...
This is not working.
My usual face wash and makeup rituals do not work at all.
Twenty minutes had passed and still no courage had been gathered.
But longer than this, maybe the two kids think I have severe diarrhea. Embarrassing.
Walking out of the toilet, I searched the table where Josh and the Sea were.
Quite difficult, because the restaurant was very full at that time.
Two-three times my gaze combed the consumer area before finally finding the wavy brown hair of the Sea by the window.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I threw a tissue in my hand and was about to approach them.
“After a time, Wi.”
Shocked by the reeds, I turned with my proboscis.
Andra was standing on the front wall of the toilet. Smirking with confidence.
“Since when are you here?”, I've been in a heartbeat.
Andra approached and replied.
“From the moment you broke into a restaurant and hid in the toilet. I count twenty minutes, Wi. Upset stomach because groggy met me?”
My heart rate is getting faster no longer in shock, but in anger.
His overly confident speech, his body position that was too close, his eyes that were looking at me were too sharp.
This is completely wrong. I'm sorry half-dead for accepting this brash man's invitation.
Andra took a step back and smiled.
“Yuk sitting at the table. I've ordered a special table so we can chat without interruption.”
I had to hold back my emotions with all my might so as not to slap him in the face.
With my jaw tight, I answered.
“I came with my friend. If you want, we join the table only.”
Hearing this, Andra's forehead wrinkled in annoyance.
“You brought a friend? Make what?”
My teeth answered.
“Because I don't believe in you! You're outrageous, yes. I am still a wife of someone. Your best friend's wife! But you dare to tease..”.
“Wife? Haven't you split up the house the last year? Haven't you already turned down calls and messages from Windra? So what's wrong?”
The explosion of my soul fell silent for a moment.
How did he know that far?
Andra snorted amusedly at the look on my face.
“I know about you and Windra, Wi. I know a lot. Windra told me everything.”
Jolted by this statement, I subconsciously stepped closer to him.
“Windra tell you everything?”
Andra smiled triumphantly.
“Oh yes. She told me how she went to the United States one day after your daughter's funeral. He told me that he went to work at the Dallas, Abby Grace Foundation. Wait. Don’t tell me you don’t know about this?”
My fingertips felt cold and numb.
The usa?
Dallas? The Abby Grace Foundation?
Andra grabbed my hand shamelessly.
“Sit down with me and I’m going to tell you everything you need to know. And maybe give you everything you need.”
I raised my face looking at him.
Wanted to fight, but not power.
Wanted to slap her face, but limp all over.
Andra smiled and pulled me gently.
“Yuk.”
“Mbak!”
Shaken, we both looked. Spontaneously I let go of the hand from Andra's grasp.
The sea and Josh over there.
Walking closer, their suspicious expressions were exactly the same.
Trying to neutralize the atmosphere, I smiled trembling.
“Oh, La, Josh. Meet me, this is Andra. His friend Mas Windra who promised to meet with Mbak today.”
There is no handshake.
The sea grabbed my arm and half pulled me.
Josh is moving between me and Andra.
Andra was silent, her smile had disappeared from her face.
Without a word, he turned and left.
The sea immediately looked at me anxiously.
“Mbak, Mommy is okay? Mbak is not expected by that person, ‘kan?”
Josh supported my back carefully.
“Let's sit down first, Ma’am.”
If these two kids can worry about me that much, there's only one explanation.
The shock and fear I felt had already traveled far and radiated from both of my eyes.
Even completely control myself at this moment.
***
Nadien flocked me with high emotions.
“What do you think? Andra is suspicious, Wi. A man who dares to flirt with his best friend's wife like that is a dangerous man! I thought you are smarter than this!”, he said hot.
I breathed a tired breath.
“Iya, Dien.”
Nadien is not finished.
“Crazy. If there's no Sea and Josh, maybe you'll be taken somewhere. Treated somehow. And you probably won't fight back because he's luring in information about Windra!”
I rubbed my forehead hard.
“Then what am I supposed to do, Dien? I'm scared of Andra too. But if I don't meet him, there's no way I know that the goddamn Windra is doing well in the US, ‘kan?”
Nadien clucked in annoyance.
“So you want to be flanked by Andra as long as you can know a little about Windra?”
I moved the phone to my other ear.
“Yes is not so, Dien.”
Nadien cut me into a ketus.
“Halah, just held-hold kok.”
Being cornered continuously, I got up and jerked back.
“Keep I have to what, Dien? You think it's good to be me? Left without news like this? You think it's good to be me? Abandoned when I needed it?”
For a second, Nadien was silent.
I could feel that he was calming down as well.
Finally, he said.
“Look, Wi. I know it's not easy. But if you ask what you should do, I think the answer is only three choices. The choice I told you about. Give up and divorce Windra, which I highly recommend, or wait as it is now, or you swallow your ego and pick up the phone. Reply messages. Ask him what he is doing and why he is doing it.”
I'm speechless. This heart feels like it's been squeezed out.
Nadien said in a final tone.
“Choose between the three of them, Wi. Three is his choice. There are no detours, no shortcuts. Choose wise, Wi. Choose right.”
...
“Ma, Papa kok bitch (read : rarely) play our cama?”
I stroked the hair of this little princess who was leaning against my chest.
“Papa is working, Darling.”
My little princess was grumbling.
“Huh. Papa kelja telus. Papa doesn't love Tia.”
Smiling, I kissed her soft hair.
“Tia, look Mama here, Mama wants to talk something.”
I waited a long time before he turned around and faced me.
Still smiling, I held her tightly and explained.
“Papa is a hero, Tia. You know, ‘kan? Iron Man and Spiderman. That's why he's so busy. But Papa loves Tia.”
Tia is still frowning.
“No, Papa does not love Tia.”
The closer I hugged, I whispered.
“Papa kok same Tia. Papa's busy outside fighting criminals, Tia. Criminals like Thanos and Venom are. The name of the criminal is a disease. Papa fights the criminals so that if Tia walks with Mama, Tia will not meet the criminal. Great ‘kan?”
Her sweet round eyes are adorable.
“Ohhh so yes, Ma.”
I kissed her cheek deeply.
“Yes, so now Tia don't get mad, yeah. Papa ‘kan be his hero if you are outside. At home, Tia is the hero. Because Tia can help massage Papa and make Papa laugh. OK?”
Tia kissed me deeply.
“Mama also help Papa laugh ‘kan, Ma?”
I smiled sure.
“Dong sure. Now let's take a shower, let Papa go home, Tia can play with Papa directly. OK? Tos used to be with Mama.”
...
Tia, Son.
What do you want Mama to do to your Papa, son?
Help you choose what's right, son.
...
Short vibrate signer incoming message greet mobile phone.
Opening my eyes, I looked at the chat that came for me.
Windra
online
Hi, Wi. What are you doing? Already eaten? Your health is there? Don't be too tired. Sick later. 17.45
I miss you, Wi. So much's. 17.46
...
If you miss me so much, why are you leaving, Win?
Why don't you ever talk about what you're doing?
Why don't you ever talk about when you can come back to me?
Do you really want to go back?
...
Another shudder barged in my salary.
Other message.
Andra
online
Disappointed of what happened this afternoon, Wi. 17.47
Well, if you want to know more about what Windra is doing, we can always arrange another meeting. Just the two of us. 17.47
...
I don't know what to do.
New messages back in calling.
Andra
online
FYI, this is the latest news from your ‘suami’. 17.48
He sent me a photo.
Oh my God, what is this picture?
I trembled uncontrollably waiting for the picture to be sent full on my screen.
Part of me was tempted to delete the chat and block this brash male contact.
But the rest of me wanted to keep hearing what he said.
It feels like drug addiction.
Too hurtful to continue, but too hard to stop.
Ding. Photo sent full.
I opened it and was stunned not knowing the direction.
Can't believe my own eyes.
It's a picture of Windra. His doctor's white coat was clad in his favorite blue shirt and trousers.
Smilingly.
Staring at another woman who was also in the doctor's white coat.
With the look he gave me.
