Waiting for the Light to Return
Approaching
Goddesses
“How do you feel now, Dear?”
Tone of worry, in line with the look of his eyes and caresses on my face.
Nadiena stared back and forth at the infusions, the machines, and the hose attached to my body.
I smile.
“Much better, thank you. Especially if you come bring Baskin, Dien.”
Nadiena smiled faintly.
“Well, if you can ask for food, it means it's better this child.”
As much as I could, I tried to lift my body into a sitting position.
The attempt was immediately restrained by Nadiena in panic.
“Eh, what do you want? Already, Wi. Don't fuck around ah. If you why-why should I what?”
Insisting, I finally managed to improve my position.
Not 100% upright, but good. This way I don't need to watch Nadiena.
Nadiena herself repossessed.
“Ah ngeyel's. It's hard to take care of you, Wi, original. Tiduran asked not to sleep, told hard rest.”
I set my breath, then replied with a smile.
“Already, Dien, it's okay. I’m okay. Don't treat me like I'm a serious patient ah.”
Nadiena looked at me deeply for a while, before sighing deeply.
Her caresses were soft on my cheeks, so were her words.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, Wi. Really.”
I clasped his hand and teased.
“Soal if I'm sick there are no ghibah friends at school huh, Dien?”
Nadiena laughed out loud.
“Original! I'm dying looking for a confiding friend, Wi. You know not that Andrew had permission yesterday not to go to work. He said it was a family affair. But Mr. Yadi (school driver) sees he's at Starbucks, with another woman, Wi! Could you believe it?”
I was surprised.
“Seriously? Mr Yadi sure it was Andrew? You see in Bandung many men face pretentious handsome like him.”
Nadiena is getting better.
“Yes, seriously! He sent me a picture. It wasn't his wife, Wi! Crazy yes..”
My eyes continued to stare at Nadiena.
Trying to record every micro expression and tone of speech from my favorite friend.
Because I'm gonna miss him.
Missed all this.
...
Last night, Rawindra walked into my ward.
Her clothes were a bit tangled, her face was as well.
He approached and sat down on the side of the bed.
I who was strong enough tried to lift my body, but he immediately held my shoulders soft.
Smile, he said.
“Darling, don't force yourself, yes. Lie down.”
I didn't answer, just gave up and followed the thrust of his hand.
Still smiling, he stroked my hair.
“I've contacted your family. Andhara will come around 21:00, bring your food and books. So you don't get bored.”
I still don't answer.
Just smiling weakly.
Rawindra.
“I've also contacted Nadiena. Greetings quickly healed him. Later tomorrow afternoon he will come to visit.”
I'm still quiet.
My smile started shaking.
Rawindra continued while checking her watch.
“A minute should my shirt delivery come. Mbok said his online motorcycle taxi had departed from half an hour ago. It's hot, Wi. I'll take a shower first..”
“Why aren't you angry?”
Silent.
Rawindra fell silent to hear my question.
My lips were shaking, my eyes were starting to heat up again.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes. Let it flow.
“I betrayed you, Win. I cheated. Why would... Why aren't you angry...? L'm... I deserve..”
Gently, her lips cut my words with a kiss.
Shady, he stared and wiped my tears.
“Where can I be angry, Wi. You should be the one who is angry with me.”
I looked at him in disbelief.
“A... I was wrong, Win! I am angry, I should not break our marriage vows! Ye... You should be mad at me, Win. You should be angry.”
Rawindra laughs.
“You were too much of a rage in class so wanted to be scolded, huh? Stop, Wi. I'm not mad at you. Even if I am angry, I am angry at Andra who has lied and used your condition in such a way. And more, I'm mad at myself.”
I cringe not understanding.
Sighing deeply and caressing my face, he said again.
“I'm a bad husband. I may not realize what kind of person Andra is. And worse, I could have left my wife... When he needs me more than anything.”
As if hypnotized, my gaze was attached to his face.
Paused for a moment in a caress, his eyes glazed over as he said.
“I'm sorry yes, Wi. Forgive me for being this useless.”
And for the first time in 10 years I was with him...
Rawindra crying.
I can't stand it, I'm crying too.
...
“Wi? Are you still here?”
Nadiena's question brought me back to the present.
Shaken, I tried to cover my thoughts.
“Eh, so... Sorry, Dien. I was..”
Fortunately Nadiena did not think this was anything strange.
“Yes already, it looks like you're still limp, Wi. You rest, my dear. I'll take my leave first. Oh yeah, about school let me take care of it. Or rather, let Josh take care of it. So don't worry ya.”
I chased as Nadiena stood up.
“That is, Dien?”
Nadiena took her handbag and smiled.
“I've heard from Windra that you have to rest for a long time. I've already passed this on to the Foundation. For all of your work as Head of Student Affairs, I've given it to Josh and the Foundation agreed. That’s fine with you, right?”
I shrugged my shoulders.
Nadiena laughing.
“Nope, thanks, Wi. I still love life. Later Windra knows to keep angry and inject me how?”
I laughed back, and in laughter Nadien went home.
Leaving me in freedom.
Freedom to remember what happened last night.
...
I don't know how many minutes it took me and Rawindra to stop crying.
Trying to catch his breath, he laughed out loud.
“Sorry yes, Wi. Duh, so my husband is a crybaby like this I ya.”
I clasped his hand with all the energy I had.
A grip that feels stuck for too long.
Born of a longing that overflows in the heart.
Damn, I miss you so much, Win.
One hand returned my hand and the other wiped away the tears of himself and me.
Rawindra kissed my soft forehead, and smiled at me.
“It's time, Wi. I'll tell you everything. Sorry for waiting so long, yes.”
...
“Hey, Baby. Feeling better?”
I smile to hear it.
His greeting came along with the kisses on both of my cheeks.
“Nadiena is home, yes?”, asked Rawindra.
I'm nodding.
Staring at him fixedly as he sat down and extended a hand.
The hand I immediately grabbed and held tight.
“So I talked to dr. Lauryn-Anne and dr. Rahmadis. They've agreed and all preparations are being made, Wi. At the latest next week the therapy can start.”
I didn't answer with words.
Just smile and hold her hand even tighter.
Rawindra smiled back.
“Thank God yes, Wi.”
...
So I was right, or partially right.
After a series of events I experienced (convulsions as a toddler, going to school without realizing that I was still in my pajamas, driving for hours without realizing that Tia had not been picked up, and the most recent incident of one of the shops), my husband delivered his diagnosis.
I have San Filippo Syndrome Type C.
The same disease as Tia.
The disease I passed on to Tia.
But even so, according to Windra I am a unique case.
“Almost 99% of San Filippo sufferers cannot survive to adulthood, Wi. But you can survive, even living a productive life until now. I believe this is a glimmer of hope that we have.”
And it was because of that glimmer of hope that my husband left.
He went to the United States to join a research team from the Abby’s Grace Foundation.
A collection of talented doctors from around the world who are dedicated to finding a cure for this rare brain disease.
One year he worked with dr. Lauryn-Anne (the woman who took pictures with him in Andra's trap) and trained to accompany San Filippo patients there (one of her patients was a little girl who he tried to describe by chat with Andra. Chat that Andra used to trap to trick me).
Then after a year, their research finally came to fruition.
“Enzyme Replacement Therapy, Wi. I'm sure this can restore you”, the story with great enthusiasm.
I myself do not really understand the explanation of the method or the basis of the theory of therapy.
I'm not even trying to understand it.
Because ever since I heard his explanation of my illness, deep down I know the deepest part of my heart.
...
“Enak, Wi?”, ask in the present.
I sighed with satisfaction.
“Enak, Darling. Thanks yes.”
Rawindra covered my legs back with a blanket while chuckling.
“Have not met a wife for a long time, back and forth instead of getting rations even told to massage”, godanya.
I patted her shoulder gently.
“Important ‘kan can touch wife, Darling.”
Rawindra kissed my forehead deeply.
“Iya, yes. Yes already, now you rest yes.”
I nodded and smiled seeing him.
He watched her move from the side of the bed to the sofa in the corner of the room.
Watching her turn on the TV and looking for her favorite sports channel.
Seeing him laugh in satisfaction when he found his favorite English League re-broadcast.
Watching her sit back and watch while holding my hand.
...
At the end of the night of our conversation yesterday, Rawindra clasped my hand tightly and said.
“From now on, I'm not going anywhere, Wi. I will be with you all the way until the end. From therapy until later you shop again in Bandung malls after recovery, I will always be there. I promise.”
I returned her with the same love.
Right after, his phone rang and he took his clothes off in the lobby.
I watched his steps until he disappeared behind the door and I was grateful.
...
Deep down inside, I knew for some reason that my story was almost over.
And most likely, this story will not end as Rawindra predicted.
But I won't cry.
I'll be grateful.
Because in these last moments, he's back. He's already gone home.
Rawindra Santosa Wibowo, my husband and the light of my life has come home.
And won't go again.
