Waiting for the Light to Return

Chapter 15 - The Turning Point

Everybody has a hiding place.

Everyone has a hiding place they rely on to survive every season of life.

For many Hollywood celebrities like Drake, the Kardashians, and even Justin Bieber who had to hide from the pursuit of paparazzi, it was Calabasas. A quiet residential area in the San Fernando Valley, Los Angeles, California.

For Adolf Hitler who had to hide from the worldwide intelligence pursuit of his time, it was The Fuhrerbunker, an anti-aircraft underground defense complex in Berlin, Germany.

For Windra it was a hospital emergency staircase. The best place to hide from the pressure of the patient's family and the director of the hospital, even from himself when he felt very guilty (Windra had spent all night here and did not come home at all when a conjoined twin patient put his infant head on the operating table, died, under his direct command).

For Judistia my daughter who has to hide from my frustration or Windra, it was under her favorite blanket (she had stayed there all day without eating and drinking while Windra and I were upset that she didn't want to take vocal lessons).

For me to hide from guilt for what I have done with Andra, it is our Motherheart.

There is nothing more soothing than sitting in a corner of a store, on this little wooden bench. Watching small families come and buy their child's needs, or young couples preparing for the birth of their baby.

...

I know I'm very guilty.

I've been too deep and playing with fire for too long.

I mean, let another man touch and defend me like that?

I know I was wrong.

But what else can I do?

What else can I, a woman who lost her daughter and husband in one day do to survive?

Especially when I saw Windra's picture with another woman...

Stop it's.

It's no use.

There is no point in me trying to defend myself from this pursuit of conscience.

I messed up, big time.

Moreover, as I steeled myself to look into Windra's eyes and examine the look on his face.

He could never lie or hide anything from me.

And yesterday when I met him again after a year, I didn't find any frightened eyes because I was cheating on him behind his back.

If you are honest, it is my eyes that radiate fear.

...

But please be honest with yourselves.

I wouldn't have done what I did with Andra if Windra hadn't hurt me first.

Aren't you going to do the same in my position?

...

Forget.

It's no use.

Want to tell anyone, no one will stand up for me.

Perhaps the only fact that can still calm my conscience is that I did nothing more than watch a movie or have dinner with Andra.

Multiple touches and handrails, but that’s it.

Sighing, I got up from the bench.

As great as a hiding place, we still cannot stay there forever, ‘kan?

Wearing a steady handbag, I walked over to the cashier.

I will ask for a report on the development of social media stores from employees today, so that my visit here is not completely in vain.

“Good morning, Bu”, greet the cashier friendly.

I smiled back.

“Pagi. The shop is smooth yes, as far as I can see.”

The cashier nodded politely.

“Iya Ma'am. Can I help you, Ma?”

Still smiling, I replied.

“Iya, I'd like to check. How is the social media store? Diligently updated ‘kan?”

The cashier looked confused.

“Mm, sorry Mom. What do you mean by social media?”

My smile has diminished a little.

“Social media of this store. Instagram, Facebook, everything we made last month is.”

Increasingly confused, the cashier's guard began to look back and forth for help.

My smile faded, getting upset.

“You're a new employee, huh? Call Lastri deh.”

Confused and panicked, the cashier smiled trembling.

“Mm, sorry Mom. Which pastry is it, Mom?”

My frustration is growing.

Hardly, I reprimanded this outrageous cashier.

Frightened, the cashier shrieked.

In response to my reprimand, another shopkeeper came over.

“Sorry, Mom. Can I help you?”

I looked up and stood up to the person who had just come.

“There are things you can help with. And that's very simple. I just want to know the progress reports of social media stores! Is it that hard?”

Trying to calm down, the newly arrived shopkeeper replied.

“Sorry Mom, but whose Mom?”

From the corner of my eye, I could see the security of the store starting to approach.

This sight, this answer, and all this make my blood hotter.

“You asked me who? I am Raden Sri Dewi Adhisti! The owner of this shop! Motherheart Owner! Who are you to dare..”.

Quick and clear, he cut.

“Sorry Mom, but this isn't Motherheart. This store Moms and Us.”

My trunk and shock spread all over my body, as if I was doused in cold water and pulled unconscious.

The shop uniforms, interiors, and the people inside did not belong to Motherheart.

I'm in the wrong place at all!

A gentle touch tried to herd my arm, accompanied by the heavy sound of security.

“Mari Ma'am, I drop out.”

Powerlessly, I allowed myself to be swept away.

I felt even more embarrassed and crazy when I realized the gaze of everyone in the store was on me.

In front of the car door, security took off my arm and said kindly.

“Is there anything I can help you with, Mom? Any number we can call to help Mom?”

Looking back, I was surprised.

How could this possibly happen?

***

My forehead is on the steering wheel, I am still trying to calm myself down.

Two hours and a few kilometers later, the incident still feels fresh in memory.

Shit, shit, shit!

Forgot the road was normal, now I forget the place?

How come? I'm still young! 35 years!

How can I behave like my late daughter who entered the house wrong years ago?

What is wrong with you, Wi?

I sat in the shop for hours. For hours I saw the view there.

How could I not realize that it was not my shop?

Stupid! Stupid!

Se-stress and distorted-distracted him me, I've never acted this stupid.

My God's.

...

Shaking, I took my bottle of juice and gulped it deeply.

Letting her drip by droplet of freshness ease the turmoil of fear in my chest.

My phone has been ringing since, but I don't want to answer it.

I don't care if it's Windra or Andra or who's calling.

I don't want to think about Windra anymore.

I don't want to get involved with Andra anymore.

Enough is enough.

Spending my juice to the last drop, I threw the empty bottle just like that into the side seat.

Close your eyes and breathe deeply.

Opening my eyes, I inserted my gears and stepped on the gas.

Heading home, to end it all.

I'll admit what I've been doing with Andra for the past month.

I'm going to face Windra and ask him why he left me all this time.

And after that, I'll cut off all ties with those two men.

Had enough.

It's enough for them to torture me until I fall apart like this.

Had enough.