Waiting for the Light to Return

Truth

Rawindra

As everyone knows, a health care worker like me can rarely be home in normal hours.

95% of our family life is that I leave early and go home in the early hours of the next day, even after I become a specialist.

Therefore, the rare times where I could sit on the sofa with Goddess and Tia while the sun was still shining were the most precious times for us.

More than anything.

And we know it.

So we promised ourselves to devote ourselves completely in those hours.

Smartphone, nothing. Us just.

And we do whatever we want.

Watching movies beaming, conversing, or cleaning the house while Tia is still on God's lap.

Playing lego, playing play-doh, and playing tea party when Tia was placed in both our laps.

Just me, my wife and my daughter. Our family's.

Well, one day...

I forgot exactly when, Tia wasn't born.

We found ourselves on the couch again.

Me and the Goddess, laughing at the forgotten joke.

Fun jumping from channel to channel while chatting to and fro.

Not really watching, just looking at the opening few minutes and moving on again.

It didn't matter to me because all the spectacle was just the background sound for the main show I was waiting for.

The voice of the Goddess.

Starting from “I just found out that biscuit means bread baked twice” when we watched ‘Food Factory’.

Up to “Maybe I’m wrong, but I think ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ is overrated” after we saw the first 10 minutes of the legendary film.

Then somehow, we arrived at the channel that was airing ‘Criminal Minds’.

Know, ‘kan? A crime-solving series centered on the adventures of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit team.

And for some reason, we stopped chatting and really focused on watching the episode.

I remember the title of the episode was ‘The Caller’.

A criminal kidnaps and murders young children after sending a horrific phone message to their parents.

Well, typical of Hollywood, finally the criminal was arrested.

But strangely, the scene that impressed me the most was not when the FBI profilers managed to find the identity of the criminal from the background sound of his terror phone.

Not when the FBI agents managed to catch the criminal in his own house.

But the closing scene was the most memorable for me.

It depicts the parents of the last victim.

After the agents returned to Quantico, the pair of old men sat side by side on the sofa.

No holding hands, no touching.

Just sitting leaning back, blank stares forward.

And then something hit me so real.

...

Nobody teaches them how to move on.

They did get closure.

They know what happened to their child, who did it, even why he did it.

But after that what?

Darkened. Chilly. By ourselves.

How do they move on with life?

Can the father go to work as usual, chat with colleagues as usual, or do business deals as usual?

Can you cook as usual, go to bed as usual, clean the house as usual?

What to do after such a big loss?

...

Honestly, I don't know.

And it torments me completely.

I know why Tia was taken from us.

I know the cause, I know which cells are damaged, I even know the pain process.

But knowing all that doesn't make me know what to do after.

Rather...

I know what to do, but all that knowledge doesn't make me CAPABLE of it.

...

The San Filippo Syndrome Type C.

A unique degenerative disease that destroys brain cells and tissues slowly.

A malignant brain disease that takes away all identity of a person so cruelly.

I've been suspicious ever since Dewi forgot to pick Tia up.

And after I went deeper into my Father and Mother-in-Law, I came to know that the Goddess was not a single case in the family.

There was his Daughter Eyang and even his Grandfather who had experienced the same thing.

I know this needs to be followed up immediately.

My wife had to undergo intensive therapy to control, or at least slow down, the disease.

I-i know...

But did I act?

No. gabe.

I can't stand it.

I can't watch her cry anymore.

Crying because you feel so weak and meaningless.

Crying because you feel you can't do anything.

Crying because you feel useless.

That's why I chose to keep him from afar.

I hired a private driver to pick Tia up.

I contacted our assistants at the store to take on more responsibilities with more pay (from my personal pocket, of course).

I did it all, without the Goddess' knowledge.

When Tia fell ill with the same disease, I knew deep down.

I even had my heart ready if Tia was called back to heaven.

I just pray that he doesn't go away with too much pain.

And after what I was afraid of really happened, I already knew what to do.

I gotta go.

I have to study this special therapy treatment of San Filippo Syndrome Type C all right.

I must equip myself with the ability to care for my wife.

...

I-i know.

But I'm not capable.

I can't tell the truth.

The roar of a fine car in the front yard blew my daydream.

I lifted my face from my reading book and found the Jazz Goddess had already entered the courtyard.

Sighing deeply, I closed the book and got up.

At the end of my gaze, the Goddess opened the door and went out.

I gulped.

It's time.

I can't run anymore.

I have to tell you the truth.

Maybe he'll cry again.

Devastated upon learning that our daughter was snatched away due to her family's congenital illness.

But that's where my role as husband is, ‘kan?

I had to hold him up when he fell.

Remind them that this is no one's fault.

And prepare to accompany him to the end.

I ready.

The knock on the heels of his shoes echoed bouncing off the floor into the entire room.

The steps are fast and quick, active as usual.

He threw his handbag over the sofa, then walked over to me.

I smiled in welcome, trying to hide my tension.

“Home home yes, Wi.” (Crap, what kind of opener is this? Yes, he has gone home. ‘Kan people

it's in front of you!)

“I just picked it up, Wi. So you can rest. Car problems anyway later can be set.” (Okay, better, Dra. Be cool's.)

“Uhm, Wi. There's still time until lunch with Andra. Let's sit down, shall we? Something I want to talk about for a minute.” (Okay, this is it. The moment of truth. Help me God.)

I reached out to grab her arm, and that was when her lips opened.

Eyes closed, he turned his face away from me.

Refused my touch.

“I cheated with Andra”, he said.

Frozen.