Waiting for the Light to Return
Confrontations
Rawindra
Cerebrum and cerebellum.
The first is the largest part of the brain, weighing 80% of the total weight of the human brain.
Responsible for memory, intelligence, and conscious action.
Consists of 70,000,000,000 neurons with connecting pathways/synapses that must be developed from birth to the end later.
The next is the second largest part of the brain, weighing 10% of the total weight of the human brain.
Responsible for posture and accuracy and coordination. Also the subconscious.
It consists of 30,000,000,000 neurons, much less than the number of neurons in the cerebrum, but the number of synapses/connecting pathways between its cells is much greater.
Making our subconscious much more and quickly absorb information than our conscious.
This is what makes many law enforcement officials make many methods to access the cerebellum while they are looking for witness testimony.
Because it turns out, our subconscious remembers far more than our conscious.
A witness may have forgotten small details of his experience during a regular interview, but after his cerebellum was accessed, it turned out that he realized things that he was not aware of before.
That's the amazing of our brains.
That's as stupid as I am.
2011, SMP Lumbung Padi International Free Health Examination and Doctor Career Day.
I remember what I did that day.
I remember taking down standard inspection tools from the puskesmas car I was practicing in.
I remember giving directions to young people about what we were going to do that day with the students.
I remember the name of the koas involved in the project.
I remember the words of Andra, my best friend since childhood, after he became acquainted with Dewi and Nadiena.
“Bro, is that the chick you’ve been telling me about?”
I smiled and answered.
“Yeah. That long hair, Dra. My Boo, Goddess.”
Andra mangosteen.
“You’re such a lucky guy.”
You see, that's what I remember all this time in my conscious. My cerebrum.
But today, a new consciousness arises from my subconscious cerebellum.
The realization that Andra said “You’re such a lucky guy” while turning his head and looking at the Goddess.
Staring at my Goddess with a brash look that seemed to expose her in imagination.
27 November 2012, canteen of Hasan Sadikin Hospital Bandung, lunch break.
I remember that day was one day after I proposed to the Goddess.
I remember the flowery feeling of being accepted as I felt.
I remembered all the photos and words that I and the Goddess had spoken to each other the night before.
I remember sitting in front of a cafeteria that for some reason, that day felt like a deluxe meal in the style of The Peak Restaurant.
And I remember telling Andra everything.
“So, you already proposed, huh?”
He asked as he gulped down the juice in his tray.
I nodded enthusiastically while showing the photo of the Goddess with the ring finger shown to the camera.
“And she said yes, Bro!”
Andra smiled and replied.
“Well, congratulations, Bro. Smoothly until day-H yes.”
I remember laughing and thanking you.
That's my cerebrum.
Only today did my cerebellum cleared its throat and thrust another piece of information into the front of my nose.
New information is overflowing in memory.
Information that after I thanked her, Andra immediately went and threw all the food in her tray untouched.
And information that he said “Well, congratulations, Bro. Smoothly until the day-H ya” while squeezing a glass of juice until crushed, without looking at me at all.
One more thing.
November 2nd, 2013. Morning at church. Blessing of my marriage to the Goddess.
I remember standing in front of the altar restlessly.
I remember how my heart was hammering and how my fingers were sweating coldly.
I remember how much it all stopped for a moment, I literally skipped a beat, upon seeing the Goddess step into the room.
Sorted by her father, that day the Goddess looked perfect in her happy white dress.
Instrumentalia church chants “Today I Will Walk”, and even from afar I can see the beauty of my future wife behind the veil.
Again, that’s what my cerebrum said all this time.
And again, my cerebellum shook my head while handing me another file.
Something I didn't realize at the time.
That besides me, there are others who look at the Goddess so intensely and intensely.
Not from family or close relatives.
But from my bestman side. Andras.
Again, with lustful eyes that seemed to be stripping the object of view.
...
“I cheated with Andra”, he said.
Nope, I’m not buying it.
The Raden Sri Dewi Adhisti I know will not be a hoax with anyone, for any reason.
And based on all the waves of consciousness sweeping through my memory realm, I drew an important conclusion.
...
He was sitting relaxed, one leg crossed over the other.
A smirk on his jerk face, a sign that he doesn't know yet that I already know.
Being engrossed in focusing on a smartphone with finger movements from bottom to top and lustful eyes.
In order to hear my footsteps approaching, he looked up and put the smartphone on the table.
He stood up and immediately changed his expression into an extraordinary empath.
Maybe if I hadn't gotten a leak from my cerebellum before, I'd have eaten the sociopath trick.
Stretching out his hand, he clasped both of my arms.
“How's the goddess, Bro? Is she alright?”
I looked into his eyes and laughed in my heart.
As good as the mask you put on, Dra, your eyes can't lie.
I took a deep breath.
Let’s play this game.
***
“Sorry yes, Bro. Lunch we cancel nih”, I said.
Andra shrugged her shoulders casually from across the hospital cafeteria table.
“Not a problem. It is also called an urgent situation. We'll set it up again, Bro.”
“As long as we're here, we'll eat first, Bro. You haven't eaten for sure either, ‘kan?”
Andra looked around and shrugged her shoulders again.
“Yah, may. For old time’s sake yes, Win?”
I stood up and smiled.
“For old time’s sake, Dra.”
I ordered a package of food that used to be our consumption during practice in this hospital.
And for a while, none of us spoke, both focused on the food in front of us.
During lunch, I occasionally looked at his face.
The gaze he found and retorted with eyebrows quickly lifted.
I'm just smiling.
A few mouthfuls, the twang of a spoon-plate, and a gulp of juice later, the conversation restarted.
“So, when to go home from Dallas, Win?”, he asked.
I finished the juice before answering.
“A couple of days ago.”
Andra mangosteen, silent for a while, then continued.
“You sure you don't want to move Dewi to the hospital where I work? It’s more reliable there, Win. Know for yourself how to handle here when Tia first, ‘kan?”
The fire in my emotional kitchen just increased.
How dare he mention my daughter now?
I chuckle.
“It’s okay, Dra. Thanks for your offer. But it's okay.”
Andra sighed.
“Well, suit yourself. You’re the husband. I myself just want the best for Dewi kok.”
The fire I was telling you about increased again.
This time it went up three times.
But not yet. I want to play this right.
I smile.
“Sure you do, Bro.”
A few moments quiet.
He took the smartphone out of his pocket and did the scrolling activity back, with the same look as before.
I asked curious.
“What's the fuck, Bro? Very focused.”
Andra glanced at me and laughed a little.
Reply by showing me a woman's Instagram.
I don't know who he is, I don't care either.
Not the Goddess, not the woman I know.
He chuckles.
“Hot, eh? The new koas. Just logged in yesterday to my hospital.”
I shook my head with forced calm.
“New girl, huh? Don't you have a boyfriend, Bro?”
Without looking at me, Andra shook her hand.
“That’s ancient history, Bro. You're late abroad anyway. Less update.”
I hold a sitting posture.
Advancing my chess piece towards the check mate in the game with this masked sociopath.
“Omong by the way about the update, I just got an update that I don't understand, Bro.”
Finger stopped in the middle of the screen, Andra looked up.
“Update what? About Dewi?”
I moved the chair and answered.
“Iya, about Dewi.”
Putting the smartphone on the table.
“Update what? CT-scan results are out?”
Fingers are clinging, I'm advancing another piece.
“Not, not CT-scan results. So look, Bro. You ‘kan know that I have long been suspicious about the condition of the Goddess. You know that he used to drive around Bandung and thought Tia was with him. You know that he often forgets the road.”
Andra nodded, as she leaned over to me.
I'm proceeding.
“Before the collapse, he had told me that today he was sitting all day at ‘Moms and Us’, thinking that he was at ‘Motherheart’.”
Andra's getting focused, so am I.
I'm continuing.
“But that's not what I don't understand. What I don't understand is what he said before. He said that I was having an affair with another woman in Dallas. Weird ‘kan, Bro? Is this the new symptom of San Filippo, huh? Bring up new memories like that. Because as far as I am concerned, the Indonesians who know I'm in Dallas ‘kan only you, Bro. My parents just don't know.”
Andra gulped, she retreated away.
I kept chasing.
“He said he had a picture of me with another woman. I swear, I don't understand, Bro. What photo? All year I was in Dallas ‘kan I never took and sent any documentation. The only photo I took was a picture of me with dr. Lauryn-Anne, head researcher there. And as far as I know, it's a photo ‘kan only I send to one person. You ‘kan?”
Andra cleared her throat, trying to cut.
The next piece I'm gonna throw.
“And the craziest, Dewi said she cheated on you, Bro. I mean, what non-sense is that, huh? Original, I don't understand.”
Dry voice Andra when stammering.
“Br... Bro, maybe you should..”.
I cut.
“But perhaps, this is not a new symptom. Maybe this is not a symptom of San Filippo. Maybe it's reality. But if this is the reality, it means that there is only one conclusion, Dra.”
I looked into his eyes.
The brazen eyes that today wrinkle a frightened dwarf.
Mate check.
“The conclusion is that you lied to the Goddess by saying that I cheated on Dallas and used that to snatch the Goddess. What do you think, Dra?”
...
October 20, 2021, the hospital canteen where Dewi was treated.
At about three in the afternoon local time.
This time my cerebrum and cerebellum agreed to remember.
Remembering Andra's face lying on the cafeteria floor with bruises.
Remembering the calls and pull from the security guard I felt.
Given the roar of blood and the heat of my fist.
Given that Andra was just an enemy I had to cross from our circle of life.
The life of me and the Goddess.
And I've already crossed it.
