Waiting for the Light to Return
Chapter 5 - The Sword In The Heart
I hate meetings (so sorry, Dien). I'm not the kind of person who likes to sit around and spend time talking about the little details of a project.
And coincidentally, my three Student staff are also as loyal to me.
Josh the all-round IT teacher? Well he was after his turn to talk must immediately pretend to record notes on the phone, when in fact he was chatting with his fiancee. Indri the curious Biology teacher? From the beginning of the meeting has also hidden behind the proposal of activity. Cindy is an active English teacher? After the turn to talk, immediately go to the toilet and return 10 minutes before the meeting is finished.
Fate of having creative people. Difficult to focus all. Fortunately, the end result never disappoints.
In the past, I was the same. Before and after my presentation, I always take my phone and open the notes together with Whatsapp contact Windra with a proportion of 20-80 (20 notes and 80 Whatsapp).
I know that he rarely replies, but I can't help but take a gimmick to send messages like, “Hi, Babe. What are you doing? Dizziness meeting her.”
And sometimes when he is free, he replies with messages such as, “Kasih Darling, later at home we play doctor-med deh let you recover his dizziness, yes.”
But now...
...
Why have my memories sprung up without this control since yesterday anyway?
“Okay, Teachers. Thank you for your presentations. Later the process report do not forget to submit in Google Form yes. Good day to you all.”
Awakening from the daydreams, I was momentarily confused to see the Curriculum and Student staff rise from their seats.
I hurried to finish the notebook and left the room before Nadien's call stopped me.
“Ma’am Goddess, could you wait for a second, please?”
I looked confused.
After all the staff left the room, he got up and closed the door.
“Wi, will the afternoon be empty? We drink yuk coffee?”
I laughed before I answered.
“Whatever, I guess what to talk about. This afternoon can't, Dien. I'm going to the same store Andhara.”
Nadien did not give up.
“Then tomorrow morning we cycle, how? I'm home alone. My husband is training in Jakarta, my son is in his Oma house. Accompany me yes, Wi?”
I thought for a moment.
“Tomorrow is Saturday, huh? Come deh. It has not been cycling.” for a long time
Nadien smiled with.
“Sip. I'll pick you up later, yes.”
I left the room with a light heart.
Great, cycling with my bestie on Saturday morning.
One more agenda to help me survive from day to day.
One more activity to prevent me from remembering things about Windra in the past.
***
“Hai, Ma'am. How’s your day?”
I closed the door and immediately leaned limp in the passenger seat.
“Well that's it, Dhar. You do anything today?”
Dhara put his gear in and drove the car forward.
“Tadi to workshop, Ma'am. Your car routine service. Change oil, all kinds deh.”
I woke up straight from my seat and immediately picked up my wallet.
“Duh, how come it's so troublesome anyway? How much, Dhar? Mbak replace, yes?”
Andhara clucked in annoyance.
“What the hell, Ma'am? Do I look like a driver to pay for? Just relax.”
I put my wallet back in and smiled.
“Then all the renovations of Mbak dong's house, Dhar. Mbak wants to change the balcony floor to a wooden motif so.”
Andhara laughed.
“That's the name of exploitation!”
We laughed all the way to Motherheart, my baby and toddler clothing store on Setiabudi Street.
Actually, the history of this store is very funny.
I had absolutely no intention of doing business in the past, neither did Windra.
But one time, when Windra and I were engaged, we drove across town talking about everything.
From light topics like food and movies to heavy topics like family plans.
“You want to have how many children, Babe?”
Without hesitation I answered.
“One of them, Babe.”
Windra laughs.
“Lho, said you like children? Means having a lot of kids is okay dong should be?”
I am adamant in my opinion.
“I like children, Win, instead like to conceive and give birth to children. You are good to stay. I'm pregnant and give birth later.”
Windra was laughing.
“But I have plans to make a team with you. WiWi Football Club.”
I laughed and hit his arm.
“Crazy! That's lust, Win! What is this rabbit?”
Windra replied with a serious pretentious face.
“Not lust, Wi. I just like to imagine. There were a lot of kids coming in and out of our place, laughing and running around. Beautiful, isn’t it?”
I shook my head.
“If you want a lot of kids in and out of our place, no need to have a lot of kids, Win. Open baby and toddler clothing store only.”
I was shocked and spontaneously grabbed my heart.
“Windra! What the fuck? What's up ahead?”
Windra did not reply for a while, then slowly turned to look at me.
I got scared.
“Win? What the hell? You why?”
Windra said slowly.
“You remember ‘kan last month My Eyeang died and shared the inheritance with all of us? Hundreds of millions of grandchildren, Wi. I was confused what to wear. Married life is enough. Open clinic? Not my passion. Your idea is good too. How about we open a clothing store for babies and toddlers?”
I gaped in astonishment. Is this crazy or what?
We have absolutely no intention of doing business because our time is up in our respective fields of work.
Besides if you want ‘gambling’ by opening a business, why should baby clothes? Why not open a cafe and pay the chef?
But whatever admission, that day we really explored Bandung looking for a rented building.
After finding one building on Jalan Setiabudi, we actually called and dealt with the price with the property agent.
Then unexpectedly, Motherheart stood up.
With suppliers introduced by Father and Mother, with employees recommended by Father and Mother Windra, and with the full support of both our families.
Today, 8 years already our store stands and became a success without us expecting.
And it turns out that this store plays an important role in our family's economy.
When Windra picked up the specialist, when I wanted to take the S-2, Motherheart made it all happen.
I remember when Tia was 8 months old, our family stood in front of the store and laughed.
“Who would’ve thought, Wi? Who would’ve thought?”, Windra said at the time.
...
Yeah. Who would’ve thought?
Who would have thought?
Who would have thought that with all my efforts to eliminate it in my memories, it appears more and more in flashes like this?
Damn. What do I do to stop this sudden memory journey?
***
Upon returning from Motherheart, Andhara was angry with herself.
“Mbak, the store employees must be trained in the field of IT dong. Nowadays if selling offline alone will not profit, Mbak.”
I let out a breath.
“Vy, Dhar. Yes.”
It turns out that the cause of the decline in store profits is the absence of innovation. We were run over by small resellers who scooped up the millennial young mothers market and if we didn't do something about it, we could continue to experience declining profits and (amit-amit) go bankrupt in the future.
So the solution according to Andhara is the creation of Instagram and business Whatsapp contact for Motherheart (he was shocked and angry once found we did not even have Instagram).
“Mbak should dare to invest dong. Stagnation is decline, Ma'am. After all create an account so ‘kan free. I've created his account. Treated youo. Updated.”
I can only agree with all of Andhara's advice: he works as a risk management analyst at Golden Petrol America, which means that every suggestion is worth thousands of US Dollars if it has to be paid.
Andhara breathed deeply.
“Mbak, this has to stop. I know why you ignore yourself and your efforts. You have to move on, Ma'am. If Mas Windra does not want to return, why wait? Ma'am want to until when this continues?”
...
“You don't know what you're talking about, Dhar.”
Andhara continued to speak.
“I may indeed not have experience in relationships, Ma'am. But one thing I do know, there is no relationship where either party endures all the pain alone!”
...
“Stop it.”
Andhara was getting annoyed from word to word.
“I was so upset to see Ma'am. Self-torture, let his efforts decline, all because of waiting for the brash man who..”.
“Stop it!”
...
Andhara.
I regret.
“Dhar, sorry Mbak yelled at you earlier... Maud... Thanks for your advice, yes. But Ma'am wants to go home now.”
There were no words exchanged between us all the way until Andhara prepared to return home from my house.
I stood leaning against the doorway. Feel drained.
At the door of his car, Andhara turned and looked at me.
Concerned in every fiber of his gaze.
“I love you, Ma'am. And I want you to love yourself, that’s all.”
I try so hard to smile.
“Thank you, Dhar.”
...
Your mother can't love herself, Dhar.
How could?
How can I love myself knowing that San Filippo Syndrome taking my Tia is a genetic disease?
How can I love myself if there's a chance I'm the one who caused all this?
...
How can I love myself if my deepest heart always reminds me that my husband left because he couldn't stand living with a genetically disabled woman who killed his daughter?
