The Story of a Broken Man

49. The Wall of Doubt

Joseph drove his girlfriend home. There was a bit of disappointment in him as he rode his bike. I want him to be with her longer. But yes yes, maybe next time it can be longer than this.

After arriving home, without saying anything to Ilyas who was busy watching tv he immediately went into the room. He took out a ring which he kept in his pocket. He looked at the ring deeply. It felt more and more he wanted to cry, but his eyes could not be separated to look. Even though his tears were slowly dripping, he still kept looking.

Tonight did not seem to go well with what he had planned. The ring that he bought yesterday was supposed to have coiled beautifully on the ring finger of the loved one was still held. It felt as if he was about to give it a clear fear. The more here he felt their relationship was getting further away.

He cried because he felt he had failed to achieve his goal. He failed to be a man. He was disappointed, angry, sad about his condition. He wished he had turned into a better person than yesterday, but the real one is even worse. The doubt that became a wall for him to continue forward seems very difficult to penetrate .

He felt that his present self was even worse than his previous one. Not that it is growing even more backward. He immediately put the ring in its original place before he laid down his body.

When is the right time to propose to her? From yesterday there is actually a thought, but when going to express the purpose and purpose why is it so difficult? Didn't he just love every girl so easily? Ah, Joseph was eager to erase the memory of that time. He did not want to remember a long time ago he passed .

***

"I'm sorry I've been so cute to you. Next time I won't believe it again?"

"I know what you mean. I'm sorry, I was wrong too much for you to...."

"No problem though. You're my girlfriend, whatever you ask me to do. Everything is for your sake" smiling happily Joseph said.

"Well, my boyfriend is the best. I'm happy to know you, I want to live happily with you forever. I want us to be like Romeo and Juliet."

"If I'm lazy. I read the story and it turned out that their love story was tragic. Even as I recall they would rather die than face the harsh reality."

"What do you want to be?"

"So we ourselves. We carve out our story as beautifully as we can so that our grandchildren know how perfect our love is."

"If it is, close your eyes now .'

"For what?"

"Later also know, beware you don't look."

"I closed my eyes ."

"Now open your eyes, "after a few seconds Joseph said again.

"I ...., hmmmm how would you like to talk? I want to be with you always. I want to make my dreams live to death in your arms. I want to be your husband? Through this ring I want to ask seriously. Will you be my wife?" After Fitri opened his eyes, Joseph immediately said so. He was actually a bit confused as to what to say. Fortunately, everything went well.

"I want to, I want to give my life to you as a wife" her face looked a very beautiful smile.

After saying so, a ring that looked resplendent between the light rays illuminating them was attached to his ring finger. That night, it felt like the paradise that was missed to meet him seemed to give blessing to two people who were drunk with love. From behind the window is a full moon that shyly sees the romance of their love.

***

Joseph immediately rubbed his eyes, returning to a world filled with reality. The romantic scene was just a dream. When he lay down his body earlier, he unconsciously fell asleep and finally lulled in a dream that feels beautiful. A world where everything is easy and beautiful.

When his eyes were completely opened, he finally realized that he was already in the reality of life. I wanted to go back to my dream, but it felt impossible too. If only he had the power to control dreams like he had seen in the movie Super Hero. Within that spectacle, there were many people who could control their own dreams. Free to live in a world without limits.

But baby, all of them are illusions from monsters that have special skills. Actually every monster has its own advantages, but every fight must lose continuously. Which makes the Super Hero story why the hell not sensitive to the same feeling of monsters who want to win too? The monetary part is very stupid, just wait for a Hero who sometimes changes very long not to mention the introduction of one-on-one self.

Why is it not immediately attacked? Yusuf if it becomes a direct monster gas pinginya. Faster is better. Why talk about Gini monsters? Joseph himself did not understand. But yes it is better than continuing to blame yourself for not being able to wrap the ring on his girlfriend's ring finger because his heart is still filled with doubts that continue to grow.