The soul mate YOU sent

Chapter 22 Opens Up

Finally Mas Zaky was ready to go to the hospital to sew up his wound on the condition that I would talk to him. Seeing the blood seeping back and flowing from his wounds as a result of him hugging me, I also accepted his terms. The wound is quite deep. He got some stitches in his biceps. After getting the medicine we went straight back home. This time he insisted he could drive the car because the wound had been sewn. I was forced to drive because the wound kept bleeding.

"Lukae ojo got water first" I said, looking out the window.

"Yes", he answered softly.

"Ojo a lot of grazed too".", I said again.

"Yes ready."

"Obate also must be drunk, keep ojo ojo ointment forgot to apply. Keep going...."

"Yes ready mom sister, anyways can ono mom ngrawat me." said Mas Zaky cut my words. She smiled sweetly as I turned my head while glaring at her.

"Sopo Seng said he wanted to take care of your wounds", I said sniffly and threw away his face.

"Wasn't husband'e sick mosok bu sister g' mo ngerawat se? You'll get zinc by pushing me with a gini wound" he said, pretending to be pouting.

"You've got g' pants acting spoiled gini. G' ashamed of my beard!", my sewot.

"Ha.ha.ha. You still mengegegemesin pas ngambek gini, added ayu.", his laughter broke when he saw me disturbed by his behavior.

He always looks happy when he teases me like this. I was always fascinated by her laughter but this time my heart was sad when I saw her laugh. I ignored him by staring out the window. I'm still mad at him. And angry at myself because I'm not firm with my feelings. I wavered when I saw him hurt and grimaced with pain. I wavered when I saw him staring into my eyes intensely. I wavered as he hugged me and said he wouldn't let me go. And I faltered as she showed me her loose laughter which always managed to captivate my heart.

The car is back. Maybe he decided it was better to be quiet when I ignored him. I looked around and watched the road, but this was not the direction to our house. I turned towards him while frowning confusedly. Where's he taking me? I see he's either very concentrated in driving or is there something he's thinking about? His gaze was straight forward with his eyebrows barely fused together.

"Where are you? G' home? Your blood is almost drained should'e you rest.", I said flatly trying to cover my curiosity.

"Kan ono seng should we say hello. I g' want to talk about house.", he replied.

We remained silent until our car stopped at the mosque of my parents' home complex, where we carried out the ijab qobul first. This makes me even more confused. Does he want us to talk at my parents' house?

"Kok here?", I asked when he intended to get out of the car.

"Yok sholat ashar dik, we just chatted. Gih take the wudlu not waitin, we pray the congregation.", he said calm but I know he did not want to be denied.

This month I did ignore Mas Zaky including with his prayer call. And he may have understood my grieving and depressed actions. But this time it seems like he won't tolerate my attitude anymore. When I entered the mosque area, some people were almost finished praying. After taking the wudlu I rushed into the mosque to put on the mukenah. Mas Zaky and I pray together with a mosquito net that separates the place of prayer women and men, and, it reminds me of our old ijab qobul procession where I had to wait behind a mosquito net while she was reading ijab qobul with dad. After the prayer we sat in the courtyard of the mosque.

"You want to go back to Dad's house?", I asked.

"Maybe mengko stopped by if we wes finish chatting'e", Mas Zaky replied as he opened a bottle of mineral water and gave it to me.

"Well you talk here?".", I asked suspiciously.

"...................", I don't know what to say. Confused where to start. I was surprised, I found out that there was a lot of this that I revealed to her as well.

"Opo who made you angry at me? Don't see you yo go all the way to lan ibuk's dad. You yo angry at them?", he asked breaking the silence.

"......, I'm sure opo made me mad at you. Seng doesn't feel disappointed, angry opo shy I g' know which one. Ye know? Although early I g' agree the same matchmaking iki, but if I mutusno want to marry you I wes intention will really live this marriage. Awale I g' gubris slanted talk people about me g' use' hijab lah, my skirt is too short, I g' pants the same you are. But I'm aware of the talk of iku wes mresep neng heart. I mean anyway zinc people say yo g' wholehe wrong, if I do look g' pants same as you. You are religious when I married together I seng koyok gini kampae, seng g' tau salat, g' tau njai, actually zero in religion. The most zinc I remember and make me keep my thoughts on our marriage, the way'e brothers you see me wes like I'm a sickly abominate, even Antare seems obvious if they're angry and hate me. You know g'?, as long as iki if you invite me to gather with your family I feel depressed, want to reject me g' delicious with you, g' nolak tp I always eat heart.", my answer is at length. After taking a breath I went back to talking without giving him a chance to respond to my earlier answer.

"Not to mention that I said Hafizah lan Mbak Zizah, if I was disgusting. As ae women they were disgusted to me for being pregnant before marriage, let alone you being a man. I keep thinking every time they talk to me, of course my heart is hurt. If you reject me, want g' want my mind continues to muter neng sirahku. If you want my husband ae g' to touch me, continue to opo artie me just as a status? Opo emang you yo disgusted to me ma baby neng my stomach iku because you g' want to touch me? I feel humiliated and hurt. I tried to open my feelings to you but you pushed me away. I was wounded when you were disgusted at me and my baby", I said again, this time tears can no longer be weathered.

Mas Zaky's hand wiped away the tears on my cheek very gently. I could see there was guilt in his eyes. "You're wrong Tan, I g' never ji...."

"And peak'e was that day. Around sak hours after you went to work Mas Damar with mom and sister'e to the house", I said cutting his words. I decided to tell you about Mas Damar's arrival that day. Mas Zaky looked surprised when I mentioned Mas Damar's name.

"He and his family say that I'm a cheap, zinc deketin Mas Damar girl just for the money, after Mas Damar said I was a g' iso ngeruk treasure they eat I immediately turned to you and married you. They yo say if I accidentally get pregnant because of another guy for me if this son'e Mas Damar so I can get inheritance from them. Haaah, really despise yo me.", my tears are flowing more and more.

"Fuck!", said Mas Zaky while holding me in his arms. This is the first time I've heard Mas Zaky swear as long as I've known him. But Mas Zaky immediately said, "Astaghrirullah. Astarghfirullah's. You're the new cerito?." he said while still hugging me.

I pushed him slowly so he could take off the curve, before I spoke again.

"At that time, don't think I g' need to crito you let g' add burden minde mas. I know you're worried about me, you keep checking my condition on the phone, or you're just going home at lunchtime. So I g' want to make you worry more. After a great fight with them I could only cry and regret. But asugak'e I know that you are very valuable. You are sincere and good to me. I feel so guilty about my father lan ibuk because I'm horrifying them about my relationship because Mas Damar. I cried in my room until I forgot lunch. As I did not get milk for nahan laper, Hafizah came to nganter food from ummi. I told him to come in for a break but he said instead that I was just pretending to be nice to him. He's g' sudi deket-deket karo me. He said he was disgusted by me sleeping with the same gampange that wasn't a mahram. Before he goes he adds if he zinc ae chick disgusted to me what else are you zinc guy. Those words really don't hurt me. I kept thinking about falling asleep.", I finally told him about going to Hafizah, how else, it was related to the stress I was experiencing.

"I wes by the way, you do not want to talk about people, including Hafizah karo Mbak Zizah. They know opo-opo about me, about you, iku they see iku only seng neng outside. Opo zinc don't think they g' understand. You believe me yo, I'm sincere to you" said Mas Zaky in response to my story about Hafizah. This time he just held my hand.

I continue to express the unek-unties that I have been damning all this time. "G' is easy to make ngabaiin people talk if denger'e more once. Because of my bad thoughts I became stressed, all day my stomach hurt. Keep getting sick until you come. When I see you I really want to bend you to lean on, I want to tell you, I want you to entertain me even if only words like 'I'm here for you'. If you refuse me I just want you ae, g' more. I'm just laughing because I'm comfortable in your arms. But when I saw your reaction, I thought your lek was disgusted at me and my baby. My bad thoughts immediately hit my head. I know that stress because my thoughts will put my baby in danger. But I just let the stress overflow and g' iso nahan my emotions. I'm really not a good zinc mom-to-be. I g' iso take care of my baby. I must be iso nahan my emotions. I'm really embarrassed, angry, disappointed, sad because I dewe.", I regret. My crying is completely unstoppable.

"Astaghfirullah, Tan I g' ono meant for you to get hurt. I'm sorry Tan, I g' ngiro you'll think until I'm gini. I should have explained from the beginning the reason I g' could touch you. Astaghfirullah, I'm really guilty of you Tan.". Mas Zaky looks very sorry and guilty, repeatedly he beristighfar while rubbing his face or hair.

"I'm sorry Tan, I'm not thinking about your feelings. Haruse from the beginning I explained to you. I've never been disgusted or anything to you because baby neng your stomach. If I look at you, why am I marrying you? I don't g' want to touch you but I'm not 'may."

"G' can? Wh why? Same who?", I frowned confused.

"Just like Allah. In our religion, our case of gini g' can be a relationship at the time your baby is born. So gini lo Tan simple'e, you're zinc again pregnant another boy g' can be touched the same me, even though I wes your lawful husband. Even ono some seng mahzab think that pregnant women out of wedlock g' can be married before the child'e born. Next time we go out with yo, I'll go into more detail with you" said Mas Zaky as he stroked my head gently. I just kept quiet. Feeling no response from me Mas Zaky continued, "I am because I g' iso touch you. I always avoid if we are too tight. You g' know how I'm hard-earned with iki's desire, I'm Tan's normal man, still nduwe desire. Opo maneh if you keep sticking. I took fasting, slept in a mushola, slept on the couch in front of the tv. I g' ono meant to ignore you. I'm sorry yo Tan", I'm sorry Mas Zaky. Her hand caressed my cheek gently.

I don't know what to react to. Her confession made me feel guilty for thinking badly of her. But there was also a warm feeling in my heart hearing her struggle of restraint. But actually how did Mas Zaky feel about me huh? All this time he never told me what he felt about me. He always just said that he cared and was sincere with me. I hesitated to go further in his direction.

"I'm sorry, because I have bad thoughts about you" I said sincerely. "We go home ae yuk, fortunately g' ono people passed by earlier. Iso-iso we are considered to play a drama again", I added jokingly.

"Would you stop by my mother?", Mas Zaky bargained.

I answered with a slab. I felt very tired and needed to process all this new information. I also have to take care of my heart and my mind. When we got home, something very unexpected was waiting on the terrace. Someone I don't want to see again for the rest of my life.

"Mas Damar?!".