The Fate that is Overlooked

7

"Almost sublime Jeng"

Mama rubbed my shoulders gently, has reminded me many times that we have been silent for so long in front of Mas Reno's tomb. With a heavy heart I stood up from the small folding chair I had deliberately brought.

We went home by taxi online. I'm not that strong enough to just drive my own car. She forbade me, she still hesitated to focus on the streets.

"Where'd you stop by Jeng?" Mama opened her voice, breaking the silence created earlier.

"Just go home ma, Ajeng cape want to rest" I replied, leaning my head on my shoulders.

I felt so tired, my heart and body seemed to have no more spirit.

"Try if Ajeng has children yes ma, Ajeng will certainly not feel alone like this" My mind glared far away. "At least I have a little Reno miniature. And I have another reason besides Mas Reno for me to survive." Mama just kept quiet.

This is my destiny, wounded many times with the same blood. God strengthen me, enable me to go through all this.

Didn't feel the car had reached the yard, I went out first, followed by mama later. Ma'am Nur immediately greeted me. Taking over the folding chair that I had been holding tightly. I handed it in with a smile. I kept walking towards the room. Change clothes that feel uncomfortable.

I looked at my face in front of the mirror. I don't know my own face. How horrible! Blackened eyelids, thin cheeks and a smile that has no sweetness at all, the collarbone is clearly visible. I picked up the weight scales in the little cupboard, I climbed up and how shocked it was when the scales stopped right at 52, down 8 kg from the last day I weighed them. I forgot when I last weighed my weight!

I prefer to leave the scales I took, heading to my big bed intending to rest my body for a moment, before finally the sound of the door was heard on the knock.

"Just go in, Mother Nur"

And sure enough, Mbak Nur came with a tray containing my lunch. If mama were to come, she would not have bothered to knock on the door.

"Eating Mbak Jeng" Mbak Nur put the tray on the nightstand.

"Thank you Ma'am Nur" I said.

"Ngendikane mother, I ra olih medal sedendegane Mbak Ajeng dahar" (Mommy says, I can not go out before Mbak Ajeng eat).

"Here deh Mbak, sit here" I patted the bed to sit by Mbak Nur.

Ma'am Nur has been coming with me since I married Mas Reno. The late father who gave the house and its contents was certainly with Mbak Nur as well, as a gift for my wedding with Mas Reno first. And Ma'am Nur I've regarded as my own brother. He who has been taking care of me if Mas Reno is out of town for work, he is also my best friend. Most understand me.

Mbak Nur came in the morning and came home in the afternoon, she is a widow with 2 children who are still sitting in Junior High School and High School. Her husband died of lung cancer that had long been suffered.

"Mbak Nur has eaten?" I reached for a plate filled with soy sauce chicken and a bowl of my favorite soup. Hemm must be the mom who told Mbak Nur to cook this menu.

"Sampun Mbak Jeng"

"Well, thank God you're healthy, Kia saweg seniki practice exam. Donganipun nggih Mbak disgugi-mugi netted smooth. " (Kia's in practice right now. Pray yes hopefully given smoothness)

"Well, you pass dong? aamin hopefully given smoothness and ease yes." I began to feed the rice that I had mixed with soy sauce chicken on the edge.

"Yes Mbak, Mbak Jeng dahar sing katah, men dadi lemu added ayu, kulo melas mriksani Mbak Jeng kados niku, ketone balung tok." Ma'am Nur smiled at me. (Mbak Jeng eats a lot, so fat is more beautiful, I pity to see Mbak Jeng like that, which looks just bone).

"Is that a bit straight?" Yes, it is as simple as that I am, as evidenced by the numbers displayed when the scales were.

"Oya Ma'am, what's my real rayine Mas Ren wedding? mboten ngentosi mas Ren a year nopo minimum ninatus dinten? jere wong Jawa mboten ilok (Oya Mbak, is that right his sister Mas Ren is getting married? not waiting for Mas Ren one year or a minimum of a hundred days? the Javanese pamali).

I who just put food into my mouth immediately choked, it seems there is a grain of rice that went wrong into my respiratory tract, sore.

Mbak Nur directly thrust water at me, "Ngunjuk riyin Mbak, jan I was wrong to say yes" (Drink first Ma'am, is I was wrong to say yes) Mba Nur's tone sounded heavy, sounding heavy, not feeling good maybe he's on me.

"Makasih Mbak Nur" I gave the glass that was half the contents to Mbak Nur. "Mbak Nur who said? must be nguping?" I pretend to be okay.

I don't know, there was pain and pain from my corner, maybe because of the choking earlier. Or there's something else I don't know.

"Nembe mawon kulo mireng, Bu Suci call kalih Bu Sukma, tirose Bu Sukma mrikine mandan late pardon dientosi, soale bade nggutulaken niku Mas Barata" (Just I should hear Holy Ma'am call with Bu Sukma, he said Bu Sukma kesinya a bit late do not wait, because want to wave Mas Barata)

"Well I don't know it's Mommy, yes no papa si, it's also different business with me Ma'am, I lost my husband, he married his woman. Like someone is sick, but which side? unseen.

" Nggih leres Mbak, but it's sami-sami lare Bu Sukma" (It's true Ma'am, but it's both Bu Sukma's children)

The account that listened to Mbak Nur's speech just kept quiet, put the plate whose contents had only been reduced by a few spoons, immediately managed to make my stomach full immediately heard the news that Mbak Nur told me.

"You yourself are his sister Mas Ren is old enough for marriage, maybe Mother is afraid that later she changed her mind not to be married even into an old virgin" I tried to have fun.

"Old pripun wong gagaeh ora karu-karuan kados niku koh, kulo ya purun dadosake tiang niko mantu kok Mbak Jeng hahahahah, but nikone purun mboten hahaha" (gana old manjaka, howa, handsome people are not rich enough, I only want if he becomes a Mbak, hahahha rope inanya will not hahaha) Mbak Nur laughs with his own words. And it drew me to laugh also to hear his words.

"Udah akh, I'm already full Ma'am, take it to the kitchen again please yes"

"Owalah even kok in the chak-cak tok Mbak Mbak Jeng" (however even mixed gini doang Mbak Jeng, Mbak Jeng)

"I'm sleepy Ma'am" I pretended to yawn, signalling that I was quick at living alone. Frankly, my mood was bad, plus it was getting worse with the news that Mbak Nur told me earlier.

I don't know, I don't know what's really going on with my heart.