Not Suited to Exposure

Answers

I came home disappointed. Rael didn't want to tell me. Rael has given me the answer to the certainty I want.

I am not his girlfriend.

No matter how hard I try, it still hurts.

Actually, it's not a big deal. It's not about infidelity or anything. Don't you understand I'm trying to find an answer.

I've given him a choice. It's not about him fighting or not. The point is whether he thinks I'm a girlfriend or not.

And he chose not to tell me. It means that he is trying to say that he does not mean it without saying it directly.

Maybe all this time he was looking for the right time to tell me and I gave him a moment to answer.

Aren't I very good?

Shial—

He's dickhead. I should be grateful to be free of him. Not crying like this. Rael doesn't deserve to be weeded. Don't ask me why I sound bad, being me feels painful, you know.

I lay on the bed without changing my uniform. I closed my eyes trying to muffle my frustration until I accidentally fell asleep with my cheeks stuck to the bed.

I woke up by myself. The sun is still shining, so it's not night yet. I squirmed and took my phone to look at the clock. At 16:20. But that's not what makes me stare.

Six missed calls.

Two chat messages.

Twelve line chat unreadable.

And two voice notes.

🔉 I'm home.

I flinched when I opened the last voice note. Without a second thought I immediately ran towards the door and opened it. Too rushed, I didn't get around to dodging when someone was standing right in front of the door. I hit him and complained as my forehead hit his chin.

"Sakit~" I grimaced softly while holding my forehead.

My hand was pulled into my own room. After making sure it was safe, the door was locked from the inside. Before I protested, Rael put his hand on me.

Excuse me. Too rough. I mean, I'm flicking my forehead with his finger. Hehe.

Rael clasped her chest looking at me. "Why didn't you wait for me?"

I lowered both my shoulders. I should have been the one who was angry, but she looked at me with that sharp look as if I was the one at fault here.

"Can we decide now?"

Rael frowned. "What?"

I blinked. "Hm—connection." I'm shaking my shoulder.

Rael's reaction was beyond my expectations. He pinched my left cheek so hard that I complained of pain.

"What kind of choice was that?!" he said anxiously without letting go of his hand.

I grimaced softly. "So much. Just choose."

"It has nothing to do with dating."

I'm upset. I forcefully removed the pinch even though it felt more painful. "There," I replied no less firmly. "Lo think of me?"

"Not really."

I'm getting pissed. "I don't know your problem."

"But I don't want to share my boyfriend's problems." Rael niggles.

"But I don't want to have fun while my boyfriend doesn't." I followed the insistent until Rael massaged his own forehead.

Feel it. Rael is stubborn. But compared to me, I'm more stubborn.

I clenched my lips tightly. He didn't say anything else. Just the tired look he gave.

I took a breath. "OKAY. So conclusion?" I looked at him saturated. He did not react so I continued my words. "We puthmp—"

I held Rael's hand that shut my mouth. He looked at me sharply making me not flinch.

"Fines. I'm telling a story."

Haha, rasain. How does it feel to be braided?

◻◻◻

"Greet your mother."

"Ready." Rael shakes Mama's hand after receiving a packet of cake from Mama. Mama went inside the house leaving me alone with Rael on the porch.

Rael put up his shoes. The guy was already complete with his jacket and backpack. His hair was a bit wet after ablution for the Maghrib prayer earlier. While I was standing next to him, staring at him.

Rael looked at. That guy poked my arm. "Kok still mad?" tanyanya tempt.

I'm clucking. "Udah's almost eight. Go home," I said.

"Well expelled." Rael shook his shoulders and stood with the pouch Mama gave him in his right hand.

Rael rode on his bike while I was still staring at him. "Be careful" I said slowly. Rael smiled slightly hearing my words. That guy stopped the motor. "Don't miss," god.

"Son" I replied quickly.

I heard him laugh before he drove the motor out of my yard.

I sighed and looked up at the night sky. The stars were not so many. The air is cold. I stared at Rael again and felt my mixed feelings.

Rivan says I don't pantes being your guy.

I closed my eyes. For almost thirty minutes I heard Rael vent his uneg-unegs about Rivan. It's all about me. There's nothing about the excrement like Andre said.

The dogs. I have sworn a vow.

Rael's words are still ringing in my head. Sometimes I feel amused because Rael has never been like this before.

Rivan isn't real? I am a naughty man. But you love me. You won't leave me.

I laughed sarcastically. I do love him, but isn't it upside down? In this relationship, the only person to leave is Rael and the one left behind is me.

This relationship will not last long. I thought about this for a long time. Sometimes I want it to end sooner. I'mtired. Although it may be painful, but it would be better if it had to be.

My feelings were mixed, Rael treated me like a girlfriend he loved so much. But on the other hand he can't keep his feelings for me. While I wanted to escape, I loved him.

What am I supposed to do?

◻◻◻

Rael picked me up this morning. All this time, he rarely picked up at my own request. I don't want to trouble him. Enough to drive me home, he's not my driver. But because of yesterday's problems, the guy who has the status of my girlfriend, insistent on wanting to pick up. If I forbid it for free, he will come.

"Don't date in front of me!"

I hurriedly pulled Rael's hand as Brother Alma came out the door with the laundry basket and shouted. It's nothing, my brother is single, so every time he sees me and Rael he always acts like that. If it had been like this, Rael would have sneered, just like he was doing.

"Lo carefree, brother? Longing for affection," his god ended with the swearing of Alma's sister. Coupled with Papa's exclamation from within listening to his eldest daughter curse. Rael laughed at him even more.

I pinched his waist slowly. "Buruan" I said. Rael smiled at a glance. Brother Alma was still grumbling while drying his clothes, while glancing cynically.

"Handle," he said.

I rolled my eyeballs. Rael stopped the bike and drove slowly. I took a breath and held onto him.

"If you don't have a helmet on, don't take me again" I said a little bluffing because he again didn't have a helmet. From over her shoulder, I saw her cheeks pulled to the side forming a thin smile, but she said nothing.

I let out a breath. I lowered my head and hid behind his shoulders from the cold morning breeze. I felt the speed of the motor slowly slowing down, and a wider warm hand cupped my hand.

◻◻◻