Not Suited to Exposure

Feelings

I squeezed the mineral bottle in my hand. There is a sense of obstruction in my heart and I cannot be sure of the cause.

"I dropped my grades in the eleventh grade. Lo dingetang, you are angry and diemin me, ketusin I really long. I initially felt guilty for thinking you should be angry. My mom and dad are the same as me. But for a long time I felt like I was no longer my girlfriend."

"The height of time you forbid I make playing futsal with friends. I feel like I'm wrong. Your job is just angry. I don't think you want to be with me anymore."

I took a deep breath. Something like that has ruined my relationship.

But that's not what I meant.

"Trus? Why do you want us to turn it back?" askaku.

"Because I know, my decision was wrong. I'm after studying for a full month for UAS. After the test, I was sick and treated. I managed to catch the grades, even though I got my hands on it. There I thought, you got me because you care about me. Because.yes honestly I want to learn because of your talk."

My lips vibrate. There was a strange feeling that triggered my sensitive feelings. My memory is back to twisting past events. I remember very well his face that scowled when I was angry with him when he was going to go with his friend. It's nothing, I just don't want him to repeat the class. Because right, I care about him.

But look what happened.

I closed my eyes. There's guilt tucked away. I did not expect that my attitude would have such an impact.

I should not be selfish not thinking about his feelings.

"Gue's sorry," I said unconsciously.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Rael looking at me. Before he spoke, a horde of my classmates came after the sport. We were both silent as they passed by and entered the classroom. Some people look to see, some don't care.

I took a breath. "But everything can't change anymore, can it?" I looked at him and stood up.

Rael straightened his body.

"Lo bener's. I care about you. Hugely. But my way was wrong. My job is just angry and not thinking about your feelings. I'm sorry. Rael, one thing you need to know, all the things you think about me are wrong."

"Gue knows" answered Rael. "Gue's wrong."

Now I'm sure it all comes from myself. The difference lies between selfishness and insensitivity. The dusty feeling in my chest just felt even more stifling as soon as I tried to ease it.

"But nothing would change" I said. I didn't get to see her face when I chose to enter the classroom without waiting for her answer.

◻◻◻

My feelings are getting worse. Every time I tried to calm myself down, the more I was overwhelmed by the feeling itself.

"Always, if you are sick, mending to the UKS. You look like a crazy person vows."

I glanced at Liona a glance then ignored her. The doorbell went off fifteen more minutes but waiting like this was like dying. All I wanted to do right now was just sleep and forget everything.

I sighed and tried to focus myself for those fifteen minutes. The rain started to fall slowly. In a matter of seconds it becomes a heavy stub.

Then Dad will pick me up at school.

That's the message Papa sent me.

I packed up my stuff. Andin was first while Liona got picket duty. I can see a tall guy standing in front of the classroom door. I was curious about the reaction Liona gave. The girl herself pretended to be busy with her sweeping activities.

I shook my head slowly and decided to get out soon. Many students were wandering around to just wait for the rain to subside.

But why do we have to be up ahead? It disturbs people who are going to pass by.

Papa's car is parked in a parking lot protected from rain. I immediately took a detour to get there. Before I saw Rael and Gama taking a swing to run in the rain.

"dither. Dare," said Rael faintly in my ear. I also heard Gama clucking upset because he had already stepped forward and was slightly wet with rain water

"Buruan!"

And they both push each other. Sometimes they pull each other like children.

Unconsciously, the two of them turned to me when they realized my presence. Rael, who was preparing to run, turned to face me. "Who's home?" tanyakanya.

I cleared my throat slowly. "picked up."

He's nodding. I bit my inner lip. "Wait for the rain to stop?"

"We're two minutes late. I don't want to be told to clean the field."

"Yes. I know."

I glanced at Papa's parked car and realized that Papa might have waited a long time.

I let out a breath. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just suddenly feel tired. Instead of leaving the two of them behind, I instead reached into my backpack and took out the small blue umbrella I used to carry.

Okay Aloona. Just give it to him and leave.

I don't want to see his reaction. So I just turned around and left the two of them to the parking lot.

"Greetings to Erlang!"

I faintly heard him exclaim and I just shook my head.

◻◻◻

Very early in the morning. Before the bell rang. I found Rael walking towards me who was about to enter the classroom. With ripped denim and disheveled hair. I guess because the bike doesn't wear a helmet.

I don't know. Remembering our conversation yesterday it felt like there was a little regret in myself that I didn't deserve to hate it.

He's offering something. Something blue and familiar. The corner of my lips twitched to form a thin smile. I was about to pick it up but the prankster pulled it again.

Rael positioned the umbrella behind his head and sighed while looking at me.

"Well, that's proof, isn't it? If yesterday it was just a misunderstanding" he said.

I cringe. "But your talk is not yet fully believable."

She's speechless.

Damnit. What's wrong with me? I think something is painful.

"If everything you say is fact, nothing will change" I said without looking at him.

Rael improved his standing position. "So we've really broken up?"

I didn't answer.

"Maybe you're real. There is always a rainbow. But rainbows wouldn't exist if there wasn't rain, would there?"

I'm staring.

"Nobody said that clouds can't make rainbows."

I blinked, silently confused by his words. "Rainbirds wouldn't exist if there were clouds" I said.

Rael smiled thinly. "Gue tau's. But look at the meaning. I know you understand what I mean."

Rael gave me the umbrella again. "Even if the clouds make rain, it does not mean that the clouds cannot make rainbows. If that's your decision, I'll price it."

Oh.

I bit my inner lip and received the spoon. But Rael held the other side.

"But let me fight again for you."

It felt like something was exploding in my chest. My mouth was suddenly mute. I looked into his eyes.

I want to find a lie.

"Until I get back to you, please don't whip other guys."

Why just now?

Why is it that only now that sincere and serious face that you show?

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