Not Suited to Exposure

2. The runaway?

Last month—That December, Rael came to me and apologized. He said he regretted wasting me. I hated him at that time. I also hated myself for seeing only the specks of rain drenching her head, I opened my door wide and gave her a towel to dry her hair.

At the end he asked for a return.

And stupidly I want to.

I—

But it's not all the same anymore.

Yep. Everybody lies. My life is full of lies. My smile, my laughter, everything lies. Everything I do, I'll regret it afterwards. All the words not in my brain are said yes on my tongue.

I know Rael just needs a runaway, and that person is me. Someday, ready not to be ready Rael will leave me again like that time.

Look now, Rael who was always sweet, after three months we rarely met, very minimal communication and as if new people, we did not know what to say when we met.

I told you, I'm just a runaway. After recovering from his wound, escape was no longer needed. That's my situation now.

Don't pity me, please.

It rained again today. Rael forced us to drive until we got a little wet. I also forced him to stay waiting for the rain to subside because the rain was getting heavier.

Rael sat on the carpet and I was on the couch. I happily broke the towel on his head to dry his hair while Rael himself was busy checking the instagram of a brand he was passionate about.

Rael is very passionate about the Levis brand. Especially the denim jacket. I have often warned him not to be wasteful because the collection of denim has been piled up. If I had said that, my girlfriend would have changed her search for a modified ninja motorcycle model.

Huh, basic.

"Lo can't buy anything like that" I said, looking at what he was glaring at.

Pictures of typical modified motor reliability.

"Why?" his tan looked up slightly with hair falling over his eyes.

"Later you naughty," I replied softly and damaged her hair again.

Unwilling to fight back, Rael sighed and leaned his back on my legs that were behind him. His head fell backwards, precisely in my lap. So the position of our faces is opposite but enough to make my heart beat unnaturally.

She's staring. "If you have graduated?"

I pulled the corner of my lips. "Let's see if your grades are good" I replied. I saw both of his cheeks were interested in smiling.

"Ready," he said and refocused on his phone.

While I myself silently snorted the circus. Until graduation? I'm not sure he can hold me until graduation. Rael himself has shown his saturation to be by my side. I don't know why until now he still wants to survive. Why didn't he just decide? I already knew about it so he didn't have to worry about me feeling hurt. Because from the beginning I felt it.

I just nod. "Wet lo jacket. Stay here first. If it's dry I bring it."

Rael agrees. I told him to wait a little while I went to the room to pick up another jacket in the room. I won't let Rael come home cold like that.

"Lo's jacket?"

"No, you have Papa. But it was mine two years ago" I answered and stared intently at him so that he would not refuse to wear it. Rael followed and put on the big jacket, for me. But not for Rael because his body size is fairly high and sturdy.

Rael went to see Mama in the kitchen. I did not come and suddenly he had returned outside with a plastic bag that contained a cake made by Mama whose smoke was still billowing.

Holding Rael's wet denim jacket, I waited for her to leave until she was no longer seen.

I let out a breath. Just pretending like this I feel happy. I shouldn't have to be this happy just because Rael is being sweet. I know it's fake.

◻◻◻

If there is a group discussion, there must be one of the members who was not present at the presentation for some reason and left the part that became his duty.

Well, I'm really upset that it's like this.

The most frequent victim is me. I have to do what is not my part for a satisfying presentation. Because, sorry-sorry, in the group I don't think anyone cares anymore.

"I'm helping you here." Andin took half my job. "Gue doesn't want to join," he said after insinuating other members.

I smiled broadly. You could say this Andin is the one who cares about me the most here. His heart is easily touched even though he often speaks.

"Next time I don't want another bunch of Adrian. I'm kapok he escaped mulu," Andin murmured. "If I could also partner with my friends. More exciting."

"If you want help, say. No need to quip," said a girl who had started playing her phone earlier.

"Gue didn't say the same, you" replied Andin.

"But you're avoiding me."

I rolled my eyeballs lazily. If Andin had faced Liona like this, my ears would only hurt because these two friends of mine were both stubborn and unwilling to budge.

My patience has ended. "If you don't want to not have much to say. Here I work," I said annoyed. I took the job with Andin and ignored the two people who were silent looking at me.

Don't you? The victim was always me.

But I have to tell you that I'm enjoying my life right now. Even though these two people are so annoying, they never make me feel hurt by what they do. In certain moments, both can be reliable companions.

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