Love and My Teachings
Part 85's.
Is it forced ? Or because of another element ? The element that Raisa really really sincerely loves her ! But, Resa was afraid to think about it because if the reality was just a little different, the one who would get hurt here was Resa. Not anyone else, but Resa Aditya.
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With a heavy and light heart mixed into one, Resa opened Raisa's Diary.
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...[.POV RAISA'S]...
Hi Res, this Diary I wrote when I found out I had stage four brain cancer.
The kanakan, but I'm sure that a very detailed explanation will be in this book. Because I don't know, how bad it will be when I'm at the end of life...
Res.. Let's start with the little thing I wanted to say to You, but didn't dare until this very second. You know my pseudonym as a famous painter right ? SARA ! You don't suspect it or what ? SARA stands for the name of both of us ! SA is the suffix of your name *RESA* and RA is from the first name of my nickname. How ? Not salting ? Your cheeks must be flushed, right ? Haaah, wanting her taste I saw Mu's face that was blushing.
Hahaha, we go on to the following... Do you remember when I rejected Your declaration of love seconds before My and Andre's wedding ? At night, I cried because of this. If only I had received your declaration of love earlier, we would have been the two of us on our first night. It wasn't Andre and Fitri who let me sleep in the maid's room in a bridal suit.
But my thoughts are broken from day to day, because Fitri's pettiness I can't match with my slow brain, and my meek attitude. And I am still with the same stupidity, still serving them both like a maid who does work in their home. I don't know what possessed me, I've remained in love with Andre for years, and my feelings for her suddenly disappeared when she slapped me in the middle of her big family party, just because Fitri said I spilled wine on her dress. Even though you know yourself Res, if it's just the wits of a Fitri.
Then when I came home, I was pensive in long thought in the small, narrow maid's room . And at the end of that thought of Me, I found a very courageous decision that was beyond expectations, which never even crossed my brain. DIVORCE !!!
But unfortunately, I realized at the right time it was really out of control again. Like a thread that has been wrapped with other threads, and creates a moderate circle that cannot return as it was. The only thing I can do is cut the thread that is there because of my very unstable actions.
Do you know what happened Res ? If I'm so upset about divorcing Andre, my father's company will be out of business in an instant. I really don't want that to happen. When I decided to find out the root of the problem, it turned out that my father had signed a contract of cooperation with Andre's company, because of a coercion from the Purnama family.
I was angry to find out my father was bullied by that family scum, baby.. I realized that it was because of me that Dad could deal with Andre's family. I'm also upset with myself, why make a jerk like Andre my first love ? Why do I still want to marry her ?
I stopped complaining and cursed the Purnama family ! Because I was determined to make money, and divorce Andre when my money reached the funds my father's company needed, while having a contract cancellation from Andre's side who charged all the loss money to my father.
You must be thinking, why do I not approach You and ask for help which in fact is very easy if doing it with the power you have. My dear, I'm too embarrassed to ask Mu Res for help.. Imagine, after living a long day as a friend, I instead rejected Your feelings raw, and chose to marry Andre. Already so, I still often trouble You to be the container where my tears. I'm putting a load of thought on you because of my problems that have been caused by Fitri and Andre for years.
As a result, I've chosen to auction off the painting you have. My estimate, it took me years to be able to raise money from my paintings. But who could have guessed, that my painting reached above-average prices, and made me have more than enough money to give his father's company an injection of funds.
Then after that, I planned to divorce Andre and then I wanted to directly express my true feelings to You. Because you said you'd always be waiting for me ! You once encouraged me to pursue Andre's love, then if I'm tired.. Turn around, you're behind me ready to be the last place I lean.
Honestly Res, when you say rich... I want to hug you right away, cry in your arms, saying help me out of Andre's trap. But again my brain and heart are out of sync, and choose to keep it all alone.. I'm really stupid, right ?
Then just before the painting I was at the auction, I felt that it was time to clarify My relationship with You. That's why I gave you the green light by giving you the green light ! We're even the same as letting go of our first kiss for each other, right ? I wish you were like that too, I wish there had never been another girl who felt your lips but Me.
Me ? Take it easy, it was also my first kiss ! I've never touched or touched anyone but you Res...
And everything looks so good.... Until the day I found out I had cancer. I think this cancer is a hereditary disease, because my mother also died of this disease.
...[ THE RAISA POV END ]...
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