I'm Afraid of Falling in Love

The Station is All Mute Witnesses

Close to you is luck or misfortune.

- The Gem BIru-

At the end of the road where I usually wait, there were no signs of his presence, my eyes were exploring looking for other possibilities. Until I found him, close to the motor park, smiling at me. I'll approach her soon.

“For the duration?” that's the only word that came out of my mouth.

He smiled again, “no new come, want to go home now?” i'm nodding.

He sat back on his bike.

“Wait.” I said the one who took off the bag.

He turned his head towards me with a confused look, “what?”

“Wear my bag.” I gave my bag to Pandu. Scout according and start wearing my bag. I finally got on the bike.

I looked down embarrassed when passing people who were waiting for an invitation or already picked up. It felt really embarrassed, felt like a guy who just invited a girlfriend, even though we had nothing to do.

I close my jacket because the cold night wind makes my stomach go back to heartburn. “You're really okay to take me to the station?” I was worried at the same time if it interfered with the time.

“Kan already said it's okay, even seneng kok.” Her speech.

“Kok seneng anyway?” I was confused by Pandu's mind path.

“Seneng can only pick up the Gem at the station.”

It's up to him, the most important thing now is that I'm safe at home. I stared at the mountain scenery filled with flickering lights.

“You don't want to hug that.” His words made me shudder.

“Enak aja hugs not muhrim.” This is what makes me hesitate to pick up Pandu.

Drrr

The guide intentionally tightened his speed. I held tightly to the handle on the iron behind me. Crazy what he is, really like to make people sprain it.

“Culf dong.” Not very I said in my heart.

“You hug?” he's nodding.

I held my bag and hugged it tightly, “tuh already.”

“Mana?”

I didn't answer and hugged my own bag instead. Who he wants to be in the embrace of everything. I've never been that close to a man, this was the first time I asked to be picked up. Honestly, my High School friends don't think there's anything like Pandu. How come I'm so a little sorry to ask Pandu for help, am I wrong to ask him for help?

“From a straight course place right?”

“Iya Pandu.”

I looked back at the road ahead. Understand the many small holes that actually harm. “Prime awass.”

Just thought it had happened we tripped the hole profit alone is not big and just shrewd.

“Be careful hence.”

“Iya this is also careful kok.” Said the Scout who smiled widely.

I who feel worried become more alert when there is a hole. Actually I already know how to walk in this area because it often passes through. The late night made me think no-no. How it feels to be picked up by a girlfriend at the station.

I banished the thought of it all the way, for what the hell in picked up a girlfriend. It is better to be picked up by a husband who is clearly already muhrim. I will definitely hug her and not feel as cold as I am now.

“Gemata.”

“Gemata.”

“Gemata.”

“This is straight?” consciousness returned.

Before answering I glanced at the left-right which turned out to be near the course. “Straight, there will be a mosque, then turn left.”

Not long ago we found the mosque and Pandu turned his bike. “From here straight away, there will be a house where many trees stop there.” My words were glancing left right and hiding a face, afraid that someone would see me in the bell by a man.

“Which house are you?”

I hum the house that already looks fence, “it stops there.”

The guide stopped the bike and I got off the bike. Take back my bag that he carried. “Thanks kaish yes.”

“Where is your home?” maybe he was surprised because we stopped at an empty land near a small, dead-end alley.

“Itu.” point me at the house on our right.

“Thank you yes.” Sincerely said.

Pandu nodded and started to turn his bike. I stepped onto the porch, waving to Pandu.

***

“Assalamualaikum.” Answer lethargic.

“Waalaikumsalam.” My mom answered watching television.

“Return ojeg?”

I just muttered in response. I don't feel very good in my body. Want to rest soon, but not sleepy. I finally decided to meet Mama in the living room after changing clothes.

“Mr hasn't come home?”

“But.”

Mama turned her body to me, “who did you go home with?”

I'm down shy, “friends, I'm afraid to ride ojek.” Mama didn't ask any more and I decided to play the phone.

Me : Guide thank you very much.

Not long Pandu has returned.

Guide: Same, next time if you need help again just say it.

I feel bad for continuing to bother him.

“You've eaten?” ask my mom who is busy playing with her phone.

I nodded, “tadi no lecturer hehe so classmate eat first.” I finally complained that there was no lecturer and instead hung out.

Mama didn't say anything more. “Which father where to?” my many.

“Ke Jatinangor.”

I nodded, “ngapain?”

Pandu : Not in reply

Scout: Already asleep

I skimmed a message from Pandu, “what happened to Jatinangor?”

“Don't know any business he said.”

“I go into the room first yes.” Mama nodded in understanding.

Me: What's wrong?

Me: Have you reached home?

Pandu : That's why send a chat too, kirain has gone to sleep.

Me : Just wanted

Pandu : Yes if you want to sleep

I no longer reply to Pandu's message because the heartburn in the stomach is back again. I tried to close my eyes and cover my whole shivering body.

***

“Assalamualaikum mami.” Sapaku to The Sabila who was busy sewing. After being lectured by Bu Nining because I entered late I was finally able to sit quietly at my desk.

“Waalaikumsalam ces, you are his home deket time late.”

I gave a wide grin. “Hehe sorry for the bad luck.”

“Allah cliche.”

I don't care about Mami's sneer, I look at Mami seriously because there are important things that I have to talk to her about. “Mami I want a story.”

“News what ces.” Said Mama who remained focused on her work. I myself have to wait for an idle machine.

“Gini mami, there is a time that I found in sip b.” I whispered to Mami.

Suddenly Mami raised her head, looking at me with a full look. “Kan kan mami also said if there must be something important yesterday, this anyway hihihi.”

Mom laughed, fortunately not a loud laugh.

I looked around the course. “Not Mami..”

There was a pause before I went back to explain my true feelings, “from the beginning I had doubts about him, let alone him who likes deketin girls, but.”.

“But..” Mami follows my disturbing speech style.

“But he helped me. Even last night she picked me up from the station, I got confused mami.”

“Cie son mommy already big.” God made me feel ashamed. Not to help his son who is confused is even so response Mami.

“Ish mami people I haven't finished the story too.”

“According to mami, I can decet what don't?”

“Kok asked mami anyway?” My mom asked me back. Yes, actually, I'm not Mami, but still I need Mami's help.

I thought for a moment. “Mmm yes mami is experienced.”

Mami turned off the engine and looked at me seriously, “ you are feeling actually how is ces?”

What am I feeling? There was joy and doubt, so I was also confused as to actually express this how. “Where yes, I myself am still confused. I told you I was hesitant, but she was kind especially to help me. I..”

“Maybe she likes you ces times, deketin aja.” My mom teased me back.

I feel the cheeks that feel hot, the time the Pandu likes me. I have not decided to get there, I am still thinking about whether being close to Pandu is a good or bad thing, complicated is my thinking. Like eating simalakama fruit, if you go forward afraid of regret if you back down also afraid of regret.

“Tau ah Mami I dizzy.” I turned back, staring at the machine that was a silent witness to my closeness with Pandu.

“Ces.” Mami is back to sound. I did not turn my head and chose to stay in the place waiting for Mami to continue her sentence.

“You are young, the journey is long. Enjoy the time itself. Especially when you go to college, get busy first. Find a girlfriend mah easy.” Advice Mami who although I did not look back I refreshed her carefully.

“Ish Mami I don't want to date tau.” My protest.

“Terus..”.

I turned around and propped up my chin on Mami's desk, “not knowing Mami as well, I was still confused by my own feelings.”

“On the one hand do not want to stay away, but on the other hand are afraid of disappointment.”

“Your thoughts are natural ces, Mami understand because you have not done well to find money and spend your own money.”

“Ces Mami tell you yes, Mami aja who has been dating for a long time and is old enough to get married there is no clarity. Go to college first, find a job first. If you already work at a guaranteed deh forget the same name looking for a girlfriend.”

“Mami used to be so fit still work, can where not worry ngabisin money parents. No need to ask your boyfriend to buy cosmetics. Now when Mami does not work, want to buy a lipstick aja hard for mercy.”

“So the intinnya, if you are still unstable like this do not first think of a boyfriend. Think first about your college, career in the future want how. If the age is already 20 and above tuh difficult ces, let alone the age of almost a quarter of a century kayak Mami, mulu mulu marriage in question.”

“Now focus on learning sewing, there learn later mother angry. Eh but Mami dating who the hell can make princes Mami galau, recognize ya.” I pouted hearing Mami's last sentence.

Mami re-started the engine, “if he is good, yes deket it is okay. You said you also do not want to date so yes already said mami was focused on college first.”

I nodded in understanding. “Good mami.”

I pondered, what my mother said is true, then why do I doubt it.

I know he's good, very good. Why is this doubt present. I can't read the situation or what?

I got up to look for an unused machine. Rather than the entire course just daydreaming it was better I learned it well and correctly so that the results did not disappoint. Fortunately throughout my course the heartburn is slightly reduced, although it still feels but can still be held.

“Finally done too.” I squirmed and got back up to Mami.

Because now I know a classmate, I smile past the person I know.

“Teh Nia moved yak e sip b.”

“How you gita looks like.”

“Kok me?”

The rumor made my step swallow. Nia Tea? Sip b? what's the matter exactly. It's none of my business, but I'm also curious why Teh Nia decided to move sip.

I'm approaching Mami's desk. “Mami Tea Nia moved sip huh?”

“Who said ces?”

I pointed at Teh Gita and whom I forgot her name, they were still chatting.

“Maybe.” Mami answered while shrugging her shoulders.

“Got at home time in this sip.”

What happens next is gossip. Two women put together at one time was always gossiping.

****

It didn't feel like three hours was so fast, now it's time for me to go home. Want to rest immediately because heartburn has begun to feel again.

“Dah Mami.” I waved to Mami in front of the gate. Our way home was different.

After getting off and paying for the motorcycle, I immediately went into the house because I could not stand the heartburn. “Ta is home.”

“Iya Ma Assalamualaikum.” I said that I went straight into the room to get the medicine.

“Waalaikumsalam, the boy is-there aja.” Mama's words that I can still hear when I go into the room and come back again out to take medicine.

“Ahhh.” The leg after taking heartburn medication.

My mother approached me who was still holding my stomach. “Again dapet?” I nodded while looking for a good sitting position even though it still hurts.

Mama went into her room, before long she came back with a balsam in her hand. “Back body.” If you've forgotten it feels like I'm always upset with your behavior.

I complied and Mama immediately smeared my back with balsam. It's delicious, my stomach cramps a little softened. The nausea is no longer felt.

“Ta, on tv cpns registration announcement already in open.” Said Mama on the sidelines of her massage.

I was silent for a moment, my brain loading for a moment when I heard the word cpns. What's?! THE CPNS?! I turned. “Ma now what date?”

Mama looked at me wonder, “what date did Mama also forget.”

I went straight to my room, not caring about the pain I was feeling right now. Just one I have to check, the announcement of the registration deadline. I was looking for a phone that was somehow stored where.

“Mana yes.” Said I'm still looking for the whereabouts of the phone. At the table there is nothing, in the front bag there is nothing and now it is looking in the back bag full of cloth.

“Aw where yes, why the disease forgot I mentioned at this time.” My gertutuku annoyed at myself.

I took out all the contents of the bag, looking for a cellphone in a pile of cloth that fortunately just met. “Come, let's get dong.” My words are constantly scrolling screenshots.

What?!! 2 Days to the deadline, how dong. I'm biting my lower lip. I have to ask who tried, my friend no one comes like that. Calm down, the Jewel is calm.

I took a deep breath. The first thing I have to do is read the rules and requirements carefully. I tried to open the website, there was already a guide turned out. Okay that's good, now I have to try the list.

Drrrr

At this crucial time even someone who calls does not know siatuasi once anyway. I turned off the phone one-sidedly. Return to focus on reading the procedure for registering and the requirements needed.

Pandu : Do you have an event tomorrow?