I'm Afraid of Falling in Love

Undecided

Deciding on two things that affect the future is difficult.

- Blue-Eye

Right, I'm late for the station. At the train station that I was about to board was a few minutes ago before my arrival. Shit, I have to wait again at what time. Ticket counters are still closed, about what time it is. Rather than guessing it would be better if I asked instead.

“Pak after this there is another train what time?” ask me on the guard of the train officers who guard the gate and scan the ticket. He looked at the clock that was coiled around his wrist.

“In the meantime tea, three o'clock less.”

Thank God, I won't be late for college then.

I sat down at the security guard's desk. Breathe after running from the place of disembark to the station. Fortunately, bring a drink, otherwise it is definitely thirsty.

“Where to tea?”

“Mau to Cikudapateuh sir.” The security guard named Angga seemed to nod after hearing my answer.

I did not pay attention to him anymore and focused on the phone, reading a book that I had not read again because playing with Agla at that time, forgot until now if I had not finished reading it. I was so excited to read that I did not realize that the Sudha ticket counter was open.

“Teh the counter is already open tuh.” Fortunately Mr. Angga this reminds me that it is impossible until the train comes I will continue reading.

“Still sir.”

I stepped forward, fortunately not waiting too long as usual. Seems like this clock is a bit of a visitor to Bandung. It's that most people come home at this hour and don't leave like me. Buying tickets, scanning tickets and getting into the area where the train stops, sitting in the shade, is probably my two-year habit after college in Bandung.

I used to be in between the father to campus, but now you have to work where I can continue. Besides, if you ride the motorbike tired on the road, sore waist and hot buttocks. It is better to take the train, because there is an ace, no need to rush because it is not leaving at work hours.

Being able to see the scenery from the train window, the most important thing for me is to be able to see new people every day. Besides not bosen can also take wisdom from just chatting or observing their behavior.

Like this time, sitting together with mothers who seemed to be a tki. I don't understand what their problems are, but I'm at home listening to them chat. Although this act of listening to me was not allowed, at least I was able to experience not taking the wrong path like this mother sitting next to me.

In essence, the mother sitting next to me was married young no matter who I didn't know. His son now lives with his maid in a housing estate that is out of nowhere because he works to be a tkw now. They divorced like him and his father—suami the mother who sat beside me was—passing them both.

The mother told the friend sitting in front of her that there was a man approaching her where she worked. I don't know where he works between the neighboring lands and the Arabs, I don't know for sure. For sure he said for now his priority is his son who must be taken care of properly.

Throw him to the highest level, educate him to be a well-behaved child and be ethical. Not like his father (sorry) abandoned them both. It seems like the person he was talking to was his close friend. They tell a lot of things, ranging from activities he became tkw, things that happened in Indonesia during his time abroad and his son who grew up.

Since the divorce that is on the mind of the mother is just her child. How he makes a living for a child alone, in a land of people he mostly does not know. Oh yes there he also told me about such associations, maybe some kind of gathering of workers abroad.

He also said that if he worked there early, he was very wasteful. Many buy branded goods that may not exist in Indonesia. He said fortunately he quickly realized and prioritized saving rather than waste.

I realized, living in a country of people is not not easy to control lust. Especially seeing branded goods in plain sight. Finally he told me about a man who approached him with serious intentions, I do not know if he will choose the man or his son. I pray that they will be okay.

Listening to stories of such venting is not new to me, especially a mother who has to support her own child. Sometimes I feel lucky to have a whole family, complete not one bit less.

“This is already kiaracondong station huh?” ask me who pretends to listen to music. To add to my acting, the haedseat that had been plugged in my ears just now came off.

I looked around the train stop. “Iya bu in kiara condong. The mother told her son to carry her small bag. He himself was carrying some large bags that were not sure what they contained.

One more station I went down, this time I listened to real music. The song because of dear su from near made me think. Although I do not know the exact meaning, at least I understand the meaning of the song.

People who are married can get divorced let alone dating, then how would it be if people are close but there is no relationship. I played music watching the vehicles waiting for the train to pass. A lot of couples who ride motorcycles make fun of each other, whether I'll feel that later, I don't know.

Especially after hearing the story of the mother earlier, everyone will definitely not be in accordance with our expectations not his attitude and nature. Therefore I need to conduct natural selection before being close to a man. Not a selling omnipresent; but because it is a sparkling diamond diamond that is expensive right. I don't want to be a shiny mixed mas, but the sparkle is only temporary and easy to get anyone.

Ting

The sound of the incoming message surprised me who was daydreaming.

Guides: Today is college?

Me : Yes

Pandu : Already gone? What time's home? Want to pick up at the station? College day, night home?

The consecutive questions from Pandu made me confused to answer what used to be.

Me : Already, no need to be picked up. Someone has already picked him up.

Pandu : Who? A boyfriend?

Why does she always think that I have a boyfriend anyway, I growled. I did not reply to Pandu's message because my stop station was soon. Get off the station I decided to go to the bathroom first, in addition to urinating I will also pray in advance the station like him.

Out of the station I was waiting for an angkot that has not appeared, this hour seems difficult angkot yes. Where it stuck again, how is it now 4 hours again. Indeed, if the road smoothly will not be half an hour drive to campus, if it is jammed like this.

Ten minutes later the angkot showed up with one passenger. There is a possibility this angkot ngetem first. It could be too late if this is how it is. I kept looking at the clock on the phone, not forgetting to see the quiet streets, hoping for passengers to board.

Ten minutes later, someone came back up. Angkot started the road in the middle of the densely creeping traffic jam. I didn't expect to arrive on time, all I wanted now was to be able to arrive as soon as possible on campus, late or no back business. Late is also not a real problem because the lecturer is also late to arrive usually, the problem is now willing to half five and the road is severely jammed.

***

“Tumben late.” Dwi Whisper.

“Cars left.” We both looked forward again.

It did not feel like we had been sitting for an hour listening to the lecturer's explanation. The adhan magrib who roars signifies that the class has ended.

“Good meeting today we suffice so many.”

“There you want to ask?”

“No.” Answer us in unison.

The time for rest has come, me and Teh Rahma decided to go to the cafeteria.

“Fried nitip grout yes three thousand equally drink yes, the money in you first deh.”

A Sharif said before we left, I nodded in understanding.

Now A Syarif is not working, just got out of his old job as a parking area. I just found out that the salary of the parking attendant turned out to be large as well, falling into the category of umr is not below it. Meurutku it's good enough, for a single man like a Sharif.

Suffice it to nongki at the cafe kece, as long as not every day can be a broken wallet later.

“Ta want to buy what else?” ask Rahma Tea.

I stared at the two fried plastic in my hand, two large cups of flavored drinks and one chocolate biscuit. “Gak tea, it's enough like.” Just this is enough, if it does not run out how, the time will be at home.

“Yaudah come.” We wait in line before paying for it.

The canteen that moved to the 3rd floor made us who are in class on the second floor have to go down the stairs. In the first and second semesters my classroom was on the 3rd floor, so if you want to go to the cafeteria there is no need to go up and down the stairs. Most if you want to go to mushala must go down the stairs to the first floor.

Sometimes we also buy food outside, often yes in this limited cafeteria.the Rahma said males if you have to go down. If you are bored with fried Rahma Tea will most nitip, I myself sometimes buy food at the station. So at rest sometimes already full and choose to go to mushala only.

“Teh Syarah.” As soon as he arrived at the classroom Rahma Tea splash itself approached the new Syarah Tea. They sit in the back. I sat on my stool again, waiting for the arrival of a Sharif with Dwi.

“Teh Syarah knows not yesterday he made a snap on instagram with girls.” Said Rahma Tea which seemed to be sobbing sudha. I didn't want to eavesdrop anymore actually, but the sound of them venting was heard all the way to my seat.

I tried to reply to Pandu's message so that tidka was swept away in their conversation. Actually I wanted to join and give advice to Teh Rahma, but it felt too strange that I joined them. I'm the one who's been quiet all along giving advice, just weird.

Me: Not my boyfriend but my parents.

Pandu : If parents do not pick up kabairn only yes.

Just now I'm going to type yes, when back heard sobbing Rahma Tea. Fortunately, this time the class was quiet. So it doesn't cause much noise.

“He is now moving to the field, back again to semester one. Yesterday also came home not nyamperin I the hiks.” I looked back, Teh Syarah patted Rahma Tea's shoulder fondly while hugging her from the side.

“Propay yes Rah.”

“So long I waited for him to pass together, wait for him to cheesaran, reach his dreams first. Now he seems to be acting indifferent to the hyx, I should what tea?”

“Yesterday also to Bandung did not say at all, if not know of his mother might not meet.”

“The last day he was in Bandung yesterday to meet for a fitting meal last week. I iain the. Eh Monday night did not know the night of Tuesday he watched the concert with girls.”

“He said his cement, temen time anyway embrace so friendly again. Posted insta story dia.”

“She said, her friend was her pinjem, but she was also willing to take pictures like that. I'm tired of tea.”

“After that you guys no longer communicate?”

“Most he asked the news that was answered as necessary only the. After that tell me more time hix, hiks, hiks.”

“Quiet Rah, men still much kok.”

“Iya the, but this is how many years. Of us still since SMK almost want five years the. What it doesn't mean to him, who is always next to him when he falls, he falls, I tea hiks.”

I didn't reply to Pandu's message. Will I experience the same thing as Rahma Tea. Back when I was an ordinary castration, but the pain was still felt when we broke up was unfortunately. After that happened, I realized that I was in love and heartbroken at the same time.

Hearing the sobbing of Rahma Tea made me rethink my closeness to Pandu. I doubt if maybe Pandu won't hurt me, like the Rahma Tea guy who hurt Rahma Tea. I know that guy loves freedom, still loves to play games and it seems like that Rahma Tea guy is still experiencing those two things. Is Pandu like that too?

I can't possibly equate Pandu with the Rahma Tea guy I've never met, but from his style of speech I understand a little what kind of guy has. I've seen his picture, said handsome is standard.

In the past if it was not wrong during the first semester of Rahma Tea had also confided to Teh Nadifah who now chose to move to Semarang, continuing to study at UNDIP. I forgot to remember the truth, Teh Rahma told me if the guy was decket with UPI children who were equally active in the field of sports.

I don't know if it's the same person or not, but it seems like a guy close to the lasting Rahma Tea is indeed it. Aps second semester was once close to a friend Sharif, but soon broke up also because a friend Sharif was close to another girl.

Are all men tempted to cheat? Is the decision to respond to this Guide the best way or vice versa?