I'm Afraid of Falling in Love

Dejavu

What's really going on with me, paving the way for the person I should have avoided the most.

- Blue-Eye

Somehow along the way home I so thought of a message from Pandu earlier that made me speechless in front of the cashier, he sent the message again this time. “mbak has arrived, nih, want to daydream until when.”

“eh oh yes.” I got off the ojek, gave her the helmet and the fare money.

“Still yes mbak.”

“Sama-sama sir.” Although I answered his words but my mind was somewhere. A sentence that seemed meaningless to me made me fall silent on the front page of the house.

Drive :

Yesterday's question has not been answered, if now ask again will be answered? All you want to ask if I don't have a girlfriend yet I can get you?

Until I entered the room I was still thinking about the chat. It was strange, after a long time, not feeling this. Why is it that I feel it now, in a person totally unimaginable to me.

My heart was doubtful in fact, a feeling like it wasn't just this time I felt. Back when one of my close friends expressed his feelings through a message, I was gamang. Want to refuse because it does not like it more than a friend, but not also to lose it.

This time I felt it back, whether what I was doing now, rejecting it blatantly or how. I don't want to lose a friend a second time. Then what am I supposed to do now? Refusing subtly is not the same as giving hope.

***

“Assalamualikum Mami.”

Mami who was looking down—playing mobile—gets shocked at me. “Eh uh, inces finally back again. How to stay in sip b?”

I sat down next to him, lifting his shoulders indifferently, “ya is eleven twelve.”

Mami nudged my shoulder, “ah time anyway.” Mama seemed to be trying to tease me.

I blushed, “what the heck, there is nothing kok.” Not to stop Mami even continue to tease me, even her phone is also no longer played—kasian her phone so ignored.

“Mami now mnejahit what?” I tried to divert Mami's temptation. I stared around the crowded students who were wandering in front of the school.

“Still pocket anyway, you ces?”

“Sama Mami.” Shoulder slumped.

Mami patted me on the shoulder, “happy fighting ces, life is harder than this. This is not much more than in the world of work. Life is hard.”

Right, life is hard. I've felt it, even for a moment. The influence of the ruler was huge for subordinates, my world was still small. It's still just about the campus-house-course, yet to see the real world. Mellow is.

“Mami want ceritani.”

“What ces what sok.”

“Gemata-“

“Assalamualaikum.” My speech stopped when I saw my friends flocking to my new mother, failing to vent.

“Sign in first ces, later vent inside only.” Bring Mami. I don't want to agree either.

I entered right behind Mami, after kissing Bu Nining's hand and starting to sit on the bench, I took out a cloth that had not been sewn. Because of the limited machine this time I sat in my place, using the engine obras—alternasi with mami.

“So want to vent what ces?” I turned to face Mami who was sewing.

Seeing her busy, I could not bear to disturb her. “Gak be a Mami.” I said, turning back.

Suddenly The Nia came to the table Tea Siti, I turned back to us—aku and Mami—s looked at each other not understand. Mami first open voice, “ada what's tea.”

“This the want to ask for help, others on do not want to help time.” He said with a annoyed tone mixed with judes.

I have already proclaimed that I will call this Nia Tea tetah judes.

In addition to his face that does look judes, his tone is also judes in my opinion.

“Help what?” mami asked not to understand.

Nia's tea showed her work, it turned out that Bu Nining said it was true. This in fact can be said worse than me, pocket-time bobok at sewing—kan weird. Me and Mami both took their eyes off The Nia, afraid of the release of laughing in front of her—as much as our energy held back laughter.

“Where is tea?”

Mami was a little misbehaved, she also looked at me, “emm how not not not to want, but let's go here where there is a new cloth.” Nia tea excitedly returned to her stool to pick up the cloth.

I looked at Mami seriously, “Mami sure you want to help?”

Mami shrugged her shoulders, “ya exhausted how kasian too, others also have told me how difficult he was in sayin.”

I picked up the stitches of Nia Tea, staring in amazement at her work. Stitches he neat, but the shape is so strange huh. “Teh why in sewing anyway?” ask me while whispering because people have walked here.

“That's not knowing, there gih you find an empty machine.” Instead of insulting or comparing my work with others I better look for a machine like Mami said, hopefully some are empty.

My neighbor seemed to be depositing stitches to Mom, I inspired her to ask. “Teh his machine by borrow and gentian gak hehe.” My grin.

Although the look on my neighbor's face there are also judes-judesnya, but the tone of his speech is not too judes if doing good. “Oh yaudah later gentian again.”

“Sip.”

I walked cheerfully to the table my neighbor was wearing, at the very end and close to the door. This is delicious if you want to snack. Uh but I've never seen a sip on a snack like in the b. Am I the one who doesn't see it or are they really just focusing on sewing?

I do not know and better now I immediately turn on the machine—hurp time runs out. After starting the machine, I cleaned the cloths that I had not yet sewed.

I just started sewing, it looks like this machine is more comfortable than the machine used by Mami, but yes still I have to adjust to adjust the gas.

“Teh, Nia tea again same Sabila tea yes.” The whisper of Gita Tea right next to me. Being busy sewing and not wanting my concentration to split apart, I nodded my head in response.

While being engrossed in my engine suddenly jammed, why ya—I thought. I opened a very difficult lifeboat in Dikaya. The Princess tea that happened to pass by with Diana Tea approached my desk. “Why Tea?” ask Princess Tea.

“Oh this machine is stuck do not know why hehe.”

“This try see.” Princess Tea saw the condition of my machine.

“This looks like the thread in his lifeboat is stuck.” I looked up to see the one in the Princess Tea.

“Permata first yes, there are still stitches because.”

“Sok aja tea.”

I fiddled with the machine alone, even though the result was a big zero. Even though it is delicious to sew, even this is what it becomes. What my misfortune still continues to this day, my brain and my heart begin to rage again.

“Gem already?” I shouted from the front. Well, I don't have to shout why, it's so embarrassing to see one person meeting a course.

Shy shoulder impediment I walk forward with a head down, “mom the machine stuck.” Stir me with a face that is still down, not daring to look at Bu Nining's rampage.

Bu Nining walked over to my desk, “macet why is this?”

“Don't know mom suddenly just stuck.”

Bu Nining's stern face turned to look at me, “masa meisn suddenly stuck, everywhere also if it is stuck it must be a reason. Ah you are Yes Gem Gem.”

I just scratched my head in embarrassment. Moreover, my friends now even laugh at my silliness. This mother can not talk if not be too honest why.

“Nih look, how not to jam the yarn piling gini. You bring a screwdriver there same pingset all.”

Without much question and word I immediately took the goods according to mother's orders, although confused which screwdriver Mother meant which, in place of the screwdriver many forms. I just take the origin that hopefully true.

“This is bu.” Mom opened the machine.

“Aduh Permata if you can not yes later how to enter the engine oil.” Say it out loud again. I closed my ears and face. Shame to be back in the laugh.

“You are yes college time like this do not know.”

Yes, if you know where it might be my dumel in the heart. Fortunately, my mother's words were never taken seriously and were not put into my heart. If so, you can eat your heart every day of work.

“Nih you try bobbing first, get out the thread.” I'm nodding.

For almost half an hour I just threw away the thread that rolled disturbing the machine, bored and wanted to finish it quickly. Moreover, people have been back and forth depositing sewing results to Mother, even they have changed the material. It's very different from me who messes with the machine.

“Teh why?” ask Teh Gita who is now approaching menjaku.

“This tea engine jammed, the thread in his lifeboat even stuck in the machine. So now in bershin first.” Gita Tea nodded in understanding.

Unlike the person in front of me who since my mother came to keep giggling instead of helping basic yes, just watch out for him if you need my help will not be helped—my evil side out too right.

“What, let's just until satisfied!” pick me up when the Gita Tea is gone.

“Buahahaha.”

“Means don't be gnawing when sewing.”

“Let's just a sewing me.” Sahutku.

Relieved also after a few minutes of removing the thread in various ways—finally finished as well. I mocked A Dimas in front of me who had not been running around for waiting for the sewing machine. ”Kaisan nungguin ye.” My ejek made him hit my desk.

“Sick ye.” I ejek again while laughing wickedly.

He raised his index finger right in front of my face. “Awas ya.”

Suddenly his face turned from angry to clear, “bantuin this sewing dong please.”

“Ogah.” I can't see the cloth he's thrusting.

“Replace the machine if so.” His words are now by my side.

“Mot.”

“Yaudah here where to sew.” I finally agreed to help A Dimas sew a small cloth before it was put back in his obras.

“Nih already.”

He thrusting some sheets of fabric, “ini again dong hehe.” His sinless speech made me want to smack his innocent face. Errr beware of him, I'll reply later.

Half an hour later my neighbor asked me to return gentian, but just sewed a little. Tired of waiting for the uncertain, I returned to my original seat with my face bent. Nia's tea is no longer near the table of me and Mami, thank God I can complain to Mami.

“It's done?” mami asked as I landed my ass on the seat.

I heaved a heavy sigh before answering, “boro-boro went one wrong.

How was it with his private tutoring?”

Now the look on Mami's face is as kusutu as I am, “ no longer understand the way of mind how she is, Mami has turned over first difficult to understand the person.”

“Hmm.” I raised the corner of my lips upwards in a daze, no wonder the Gita Tea said all sorts of things about him, it was so. Mami who was so patient with me just gave up, meaning wrong not to the person who taught it, but to the person who taught it.

“Already mami dizzy nutmeg inces nih.”

“Sama ces. Ces if you want to sew using this machine only, Mami want to deposit this first to Ibu.” I nodded and walked lethargicly to Mami's desk.

Yes, God is there a test that is harder than this, I ask in my heart. Maybe it's prayer because it's tired so it's not in the brain filter first, just play as long as you say. I was going through a lot harder after I got home from the course.

***

Coming home from the course I stayed at the grand mosque near the school. Enjoying the cold weather that emanates from the green grass that is visible from the cool green. Very relieved, the heavy burden was lifted slowly.

“Gemata hasn't come home?”

I turned to the source of the voice, “teh Nia, not yet the want ngadem just yet.” My words are now opening the cell phone. I know the custom of Teh Nia which is always dzuhur in this mosque.

“Teh me ahead first huh?”

“Please tea.”

To get rid of boredom I finally decided to reply to a chat from Pandu who asked if I had gone home or not.

Me : Already

Pandu : Now already at home means?

Me: Not yet

Pandu : ???

Me: Stop by the mosque near the school

Scout: Ohh, same who

Me: Alone, there was The Nia

Pandu : Sip a?

Me : Yes

Goal : What are you doing now?

Me: It's not that it's obviously playing hp

Sometimes I get upset with people who ask questions that don't need answers like that. Already know fromadi I reply to the message why even ask try? The whole thing would be.

Pandu : Sorry to forget, tumben once reply message.

Me : Do not reply wrong, turn in reply wrong too. So what does he want?

Stretcher : Mauku….

“Teh already want adzan enter yuk.” Take Teh Nia who is suddenly sitting next to me.

I was shocked and looked at it for a moment. Looking at the time on the phone that memnag already show dzuhur prayer. “Tea first.” I turned off the phone data first, then followed The Nia who took ablution.

After my prayers and Nia Tea did not go home, we bought some snacks first. Must be in line because now his school break.

“Teh Nia can nebeng.” I said when the chirping chirping kmai that was in the fry, had to succumb to the first high school children served, this is finally waiting.

“Bby, direct?” I nodded convincingly.

“But until the front aja aja ya.”

“Iya tea.”

“This ringtone.” Me and Teh Nia resonated to approach the seller of cireng. After we finished the transaction, we decided to go home.

As Teh Nia said earlier, I was put down in front of the alley. “Thank you yes tea.” Teh Nia nodded in response, then went back on her bike.

I walked alone down the alley which actually can not be said alley also because it looks like a road, entering for a large truck car that used to transport goods. Angina sepoy-sepoy make my footsteps so slowed down, but this afternoon I have to go to campus.